A Psalm of Praise.. for the Lover of my Soul

Jesus,

The great red dawning that rises over the mountains of all eternity.

The shining bridge of stars that arches up and up and gives us a path from earth into heaven’s throne room.

To our ship, battered in a storm He is the lighthouse.

He brings the message of eternity to us over the vast gulf of time.

He is the well of our hope.

He  is the reason our hope endures.

He has brought us so much more than the happiness we might wish for.

He has stretched out His arms in humility so that 

the gap between us and a Holy God could be bridged.

He was the lamb without blemish, sacrificed for our transgressions, once and for all.

Without Him we would be forever caught in the futility of ever striving and never arriving.

Without Him there would be no light, only darkness. 

Without His unfailing love there would be NO HOPE.

Let us Praise Him,

Let us bow down before Him in eternal gratitude and awe.

In the Beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was  God, He was with God in the beginning.

He, who being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God 

something to be grasped,

but made Himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

 being made in human likeness..

..he humbled Himself 

and became obedient to death,

even death on a cross!

Let us Praise Him and Worship Him,

Let us come before Him with thankfulness in our hearts.

Because we are the people walking in darkness,

who have seen a great light.

We rejoice in you, oh Lord and Saviour,

Oh Father of the fatherless,

Oh Lover of the souls of all the lonely and rejected.

We love You because You first loved us...

You considered us worth dying for 

even while we were still your enemies,

dead in our transgressions.

Let us Praise You, Jesus, 

Lord of Lords

and King of Kings

Brother and Friend,

You are worthy of our Praise

Both now and forever more!!!

Last post: one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead

I started blogging in June 2010.. I have had 24,700 page views on here, from all over the world ..
God has used the blogging, or "public journaling" to guide me through the last 2 years, a time of deep sadness and turmoil..
I am marking this day as the day I have officially felt released from the journey through this last valley..
I am aware that God in His love for me will continue to allow difficulties to shape me and refine me, make me more like Him, but I needed to acknowledge that I am no longer defining myself as the woman who is going through the turmoil caused by her tragic marriage break up, the woman, who so never, ever wanted to get divorced again (now that she had found out it was against God's will ), who never wanted it for her kids and who was betrayed and abandoned..
this is my past, thanks to God I have been healed, there are scars, but no more open wounds.. there will always be moments of sadness but I am NOT defined by those..
I am a child of God, a grateful follower of Jesus Christ, someone who knows and accepts that in this world we will have troubles, and I  know that my Jesus has overcome the world : For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I am His daughter, the daughter of the King, chosen, adopted and loved eternally..

so there.. this is why I have started a new blog:
www.beyondtheturmoil2301.blogspot.com  Beyond the Turmoil : A Tender Reed He will not Break!!!!
Hope to see y'all there :)

...life threatening situations.. He makes all things beautiful !

feeling a little bit better but still pretty beaten up, I was just reminded that our life here on earth is troublesome and full of sickness, sadness and difficulty.. we are withering away and our time here is short.. we are like a vapour..

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

( James 4:13-14)

just added another person to my acute cancer prayer list, making it 6 at the moment..
praying for my parents salvation and health, my mother ignoring her health problems and putting herself in danger of dying of a heart attack without a hospital in adequate proximity..
praying for family issues to be resolved and peace to be restored, praying for wisdom and guidance for myself and my children, for healing and protection ...
our days are numbered and each of them have been written in the book of life... our loving Father in Heaven cares for us and wants to meet us in those difficult times..
I have experienced His comfort often and so I am asking Him to grant the family members of those facing the reality of cancer and other life threatening illnesses the same comfort...
I know that He can envelope us in an embrace so warm and soft it allows the tears of grief and fear and sadness to flow freely, knowing that He has all our lives in His capable hands..
visited today by beloved, caring people, I felt His love... I am thankful.. what would we all do without Him, our Heavenly Father, who loves us more than anyone ever will?
lifting up those around me before His throne, knowing that He will make all things beautiful in His time!

In His time, In His Time

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Lord please show me every day

As your teaching me Your way

That You do just what You say 

In Your time.

In Your time, In Your Time

You make all things beautiful in Your time.

Lord my life to You I bring 

May each song I have to sing

Be to you a lovely thing 

In Your time.

..growing pains.. or "going through the middle"

sitting on my couch, icepack on my head, trying to recover from "major dental surgery" I thought it would be fun to share another little Cruise tidbit with y'all :)
last port before arriving in Boston was Bar Harbour, Maine.. the coast of Maine has been on my list of places I would like to visit for some time so I booked an excursion that sounded interesting..
Cadillac mountain was beautiful with picturesque views of the stunning coast line of Maine, second stop on this excursion was the Oceanarium... the lobster museum to be precise..
other than the fact that the owner and guide was a Christian who was delighted to have a group of believers as his visitors, him sharing some pretty cool stories of how God has used him to witness to other tourists, him praying for us at the end.. he also gave us some very surprising information about lobsters..
learned that lobsters live 50-100 years, that Maine Lobstermen put female lobsters back into the water so that they can continue to have thousands of lobster babies :)
the most amazing fact though was this: lobsters shed their shell, 25 times a year in the first few years of their lives and once a year or even only every 3-4 years when they are older...
an enzyme makes the shell and the connective points softer and it takes lobsters about 15 minutes to half an hour to get out of their  shell, while "molting"  they absorb water which makes them grow about 20 % of their size... for 6-8 weeks their new shell is too soft to protect them from their predators and so they stay hidden away, bury themselves in mud and eat voraciously, often eating their old shell because of the minerals it contains..

amazed at the detail in God's Creation, seems funny to me that some people would think some big bang and random selection would be able to create something that perfectly put together..
what struck me most was that in order to grow, lobsters have to shed the old, ( I am sure the shedding / molting is not an easy task...) that it leaves them vulnerable for a time and they hide away, feeding on what gives them strength to emerge bigger and stronger in the end...
sounds familiar? sounds to me like the growing times the Lord has for us.. painful, shedding something old, in order to be changed, retreating during the vulnerable times and hiding in His arms, being nurtured and emerging stronger and wiser...

always have loved lobster... eating lobster that is.. oopsies.. but I really appreciate them now, after meeting the old Christian Lobsterman from Maine.. so blessed to have met him, another little tidbit my Jesus had for me.. thought I'd share this.. :)

.. dental surgery and a HUGE loss :(

today has been a very sad day... I forgot to tell someone something, and then it was too late...
this morning I took 2 "Dopey" pills to be sedated for my dental surgery... no fun, still felt too much of the pulling and drilling for my taste but wasn't awake enough to tell the dental surgeon something...
you see, two of the three teeth he pulled before drilling the six implants into my jaw bone ( :S )
have been with me for 46 and a half years... yes, they were my baby canine teeth.... and I would have liked to take them home... my friend Cindy suggested I should put them under my pillow and I thought I could have expected a nice cheque the next morning... after all there was no tooth fairy around, when I was little over there in Germany..
but all jokes aside I thought I would have liked to have kept them...
they were good friends to me these tiny little things... served me well, and I would have liked to give them a place of honour in my jewellery box... I might have even put them in the box I keep all my kid's little baby teeth in... ( shhhh, don't tell them or they will know there is no tooth fairy )
anyways... in a daze most of the day and in quite some pain, no fun... today must also have been the hottest day, and somehow my little AC had no chance, it was steaming hot all day... or maybe it only felt like that to me.... in my daze.....
feeling rather raw and achy I was just feeling a little sorry for myself... but I have no one to blame but my father :) whose genes made me miss 12 out of my 32 grown up teeth... and myself, for finally wanting to be done with partials and other fake things in my mouth...
"wer schön sein will, muss leiden" my mother always said... there is suffering involved with being made beautiful... oh well....
true for beauty outside and inside, as I am well acquainted with ... I shall take another painkiller and try to sleep... ttfn...

.. guard your heart and remain faithful to your wife...

home again, laundry done and ready for a new week.. church today.. learned something again on this Cruise... I am immensely blessed to be part of a church whose leadership are godly and humble people, committed to living according to the Word... we definitely are blessed richly, and even though, for that reason, Satan has tried to wreck havoc many times in the last 8 years or so, the church is going forward, and the gates of hell are being pushed back.. authenticity and truth and love are alive at Georgetown Alliance Church .. Praise God!!!

okay.. so, the reading of the scripture from today, Malachi 2:10-16 made me a bit weepy.. a wave of sadness was triggered for sure.. this is what it says:

Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure.  You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

the reason for marriage? godly offspring... the wife being overwhelmed by the cruelty of divorce..  the effect on the children... sad.. and true... 

something I have been hearing from my Lord... I know how much I contributed to my marriage not being the way it should have been.. I did strive to obey God and I learned a lot.. commitment for me was never an issue... what He has been doing in my life for the last two and a half years has been incredible... I am going to have to rest in His will and be content in all circumstances... the last week was great, and even though there were moments when the fact that the bigger part of the Cruisers were married couples made me feel sad and alone, the blessing of it all was far bigger....

for the sake of the future of Christ's Church I am praying that my children will turn out to be godly women, despite the heartache they had to endure, to in turn make wise decisions, guided by their commitment to the Lord, and one day have godly, committed husbands and godly offspring.. ( looking forward to spoiling those little munchkins )

@michaelwsmith and friends cruise.. starting to reflect..

..at the airport in Boston.. Logan Airport... did not even take 15 minutes to get here from the Cruise Terminal... waiting for the plane that is taking us back to Toronto I am reflecting on the last week...
over the last year or so a new level of awareness has slowly been settling in..
more and more moments of contentment and deep joy.. surprising at first, new last summer, the realization that so much tension and stress had left me.. the threatening thunder clouds had disappeared and I was slowly relaxing, allowing myself to feel safe in my circumstances, because my Father in Heaven had kept me safe in the most violent storm of my life, I started trusting Him for whatever would come my way..
ok. so long story short.. this time on the Michael W Smith and Friends Cruise a new level of this awareness has come to my attention....
in my life I have never ever enjoyed such all around blessing, and was just able to just take it in..
in a far different place, thanks to God, than on the last Cruise with Michael, back then my heart and soul were just so raw and in such pain that God just really met me in this broken place.. took most of my capacity to process and enjoy... meaningful and needed it was a tremendous blessing..
this time, healed in many ways and content and filled with joy, I was able to take in all aspects of what a Cruise like this offers..
connecting with friends, amazing and uplifting concerts and teaching, beautiful ports and beautiful weather, great food and just the luxury of having everything right at your fingertips was amazing..
I am thanking God for allowing me to be able to just take it in and enjoy it like this, I am in awe that He would bless me this way..


without wanting to offend anyone I have vacationed with before, I have never ever experienced such an amazing trip before..
the FAITHFUL, CONSISTENT and TENDER LOVE of my Father in Heaven has proven to me, in the worst storm of my life so far, that He has me in a very safe place.. no matter what will come my way

for the tension filled, scared child that never could be sure if there wasn't another thunderstorm showing up , out of the blue, no warning, for the woman that had basically lived this way for most of her life, it seems like a miracle to be able to trust enough to come out of her shell .. amazing..

I didn't think I would be able to , but with Him, I could.. who would have thought that.. not me, that's for sure...

Praise be to God, and Him alone!!!!

@michaelwsmith Cruise blessings.. and yet..

days have been early and nights have been long...getting up at 6 to go to the 7 am Devotions..
many things being affirmed but no new exciting message from the Lord.. yet anyways..
my reading, not that much I am hearing this week either, but there was something I read last night, a verse from a Psalm that touched me, so here I am, meditating on Psalm 63.

O God, you are my God;
    

I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
   

 my whole body longs for you 
in this parched and weary land
    

where there is no water.

I have seen you in your sanctuary
   

 and gazed upon your power and glory.

Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
    

how I praise you!

 I will praise you as long as I live,
    

lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
    

I will praise you with songs of joy.

I lie awake thinking of you,
   

 meditating on you through the night.

 Because you are my helper,
    

I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.

 I cling to you;
    

your strong right hand holds me securely.

my soul thirsts, in this dry and weary land.. even when surrounded by so many “good things” my soul is not satisfied.. because I have seen Him in His sanctuary, I know Him in all His splendor and majesty, in His tenderness and compassion, in His power and and His unfathomable glory... I know that only His unfailing love will ever satisfy..
knowing this leads to unending praise.. and devotion.. investing in my relationship with Him is worth more than anything this world has to offer...

great concert last night with Jeremy Camp.. two Michael only concerts, a concert by Audrey Assad, such a special, young, Christian artist, and of course L’ Angelus everywhere .... they are such a refreshing delight... 5 days into the Cruise every aspect of it has been amazing... and yet.. He is who my soul thirsts for..
because He has helped me indeed, in the moments when hurt, pain and disappointment strike, when the brokenness of a sinful world hits you..because He holds me securely in the shadow of His wings, my love for Him knows no end.
all He wants from me to trust Him and to obey Him..... I will spend every moment of this life drawing near to Him, trying with His help to please Him.. I love Him because He first loved me... AMAZING GRACE.....

@michaelwsmith the question and the answer :)

so the question... the one I got to ask at the “former Cruisers” session...
( so great I got chosen again, I guess it helps to know the guy handing out the microphone.. ;)

my question really was for Debbie, who I had seen the day before, head down, trying to walk through the Lido Deck Restaurant without being noticed..
she was supposed to be at this session too... didn’t show up, so I asked Michael..

my question was, how much it costs to be so in the spotlight.. I told him that since I had been so touched by His music, because of how God has used him in my life, I have learned so much about him and his family that I feel since I like them, they would like me too and I really think we should be friends  ;) .. at the same time I respect their privacy.. but still would love, as everyone on this cruise.. to meet them....
Michael was very gracious, as always, and answered that it is really not that bad, he can walk around even on his own street without people making a big fuss about him.. and that He liked to hear from his fans and liked to meet us :) ( he is just far too nice)

so, “great” , I said, “so then we can be friends”.. and he answered, “we are friends already!!!”

the next day we had the picture opportunity and, what can I say, I was first in line.. ( didn’t wait longer than those that took their time to come... they just had to wait to get their turn as much as I had)
getting my moment with MWS he said,”I remember you..” I said,” yeah, we are friends” and we “High fived”... so kind.. anyways.. that was the personal interaction..

then, in the evening.. there he was with his daughter Whitney and little Smith... waving to me.. his friend.. right there in the hallway.. I guess it helps to have the stateroom on the same level :)

for all those that think I am a little over the top, everyone on this Cruise feels the same way, God is using this man in amazing ways, everyone here has a story to tell, and we are not putting him up on a pedestal, he is the first to always point everyone to God..
he and his family are just so authentic and down to earth, while blessing so many..
so for someone with a dysfunctional past like me , seeing them makes me hope and believe a little more that in God’s strength and grace with the chains broken I and my children can break free and establish a Christian legacy of forgiveness, grace and love..
and all the Glory is God’s alone! #SoliDeoGloria

... @michaelwsmith Cruise.. AMAZING!!!!

Monday night.. somewhere on the way to Prince Edward Island.. this Cruise has been amazing so far..
so different this time than 2 years ago... reflecting a lot how good God has been so good to me..
back then, flying to Seattle all by myself, I wondered if I was out of my mind to do something like that.. it turned out to be exactly what Jesus, the Physician and Healer of the heart and soul had prescribed...

this time, flying to Montreal by myself, friends were awaiting my arrival... :)
boarding the Cruise ship the next morning was so exciting.. what a difference..
concerts, devotions and many meals later, and many more of all of the above to come I am feeling so blessed..

2 wonderful women sharing the table with us, so very blessed to have met them, all the young artists on the ship so humble and fun at the same time...
beautiful scenery, amazing friends, great food and entertainment and meeting Michael, his daughter Whitney and Grandson Smith in the hallway, just like that.. can it be anymore exciting than that???

meeting so many people from all over the place, two extra special get togethers with MWS... many more concerts to come.. it for sure is a week of somewhere between heaven and earth... almost a little unreal....

spending my time with my Lord I am blown away by His goodness and grace..
one of the new friends on our table told me she enjoyed that I was so vivacious and outgoing.. funny, because I distinctly have heard my Lord tell me to ask Him to become more quiet and gentle.. :)

left my “baby” Hope for Life behind and have felt guilty about it.. praying the day of my departure that I was leaving the Center in His hands I received an email from my partner a short while later that the Lord had just told her she needed to be at the Center each day... isn’t He just so amazing???

safe in His hands, near to His heart I am enjoying the week of blessing...praising Him with hands and heart lifted high.. to Him alone be the Glory!!

... embarking on the journey.. :)

ready to go, all packed and prepared for the week away I am able to enjoy... my heart open in anticipation of what my Jesus has for me this week..
in the safe and intimate place in my heart where I honour Him as Lord, this is what He has been saying to me...
to be the woman, whose adornment is the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious... to be that wife to the Lord, my maker who is my husband.. to be devoted to Him , respect Him and submit to Him, to trust Him and love Him and to be there for Him, always.. this is my focus today and for the future...
I have far to go to be that way and, having had two chances at being a wife like this before, and blowing it, I will be blessed beyond measure to one day maybe be this kind of wife to a man after God's own heart..
but today I am embarking on a little journey.. blessed beyond all I could ever ask for..
My Jesus is soooo good to me.. I shall praise Him now and forever more, Amen

tell me you love me... over and over without end..

in this morning's time with my Lord He impressed this verse upon my heart..

"but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy" ( 1 Peter 3:15 )

this struck me in a very different way than one would expect.. 

listening to Annie Herring, another song had gotten my attention these last few days.. it's called :

            

Over and Over..

tell me you love me, 

say it again, 

for I'm no good without your love

tell me you love me

say it again

over and over, over and over, over and over

without end

I know we will face hard times 

when the sun will not shine,

and it is through those hard times 

that I need to know you are mine...

and I won't let the sun go down, 

without saying to you

over and over, over and over, over and over 

I love you

I freely give you my heart,

my lover and friend

over and over, over and over, over and over 

without end

the verse, it made me think of how in my heart, in the secret place of intimacy and vulnerability He wants me to honour Him as holy.. as in cherish Him, the closeness and who He is...

this was precious and special... the song resonated with my soul, realizing that I need to hear Him over and over telling me how much He loves me.. but if I do not go to that secret place with Him, if I do not immerse myself in His Word, if I do not have that special time with the Lord, who I am regarding and honouring as holy /  most important / my 1st priority, I am not going to hear Him saying it to me over and over...

not wanting to go with my feelings alone about this, I  just did a little searching.. all cross references of most versions only pointed to the second part of the verse.. so I just looked how different translations have taken a little bit of a different view of this verse..

• you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. 
• but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, 
• but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, 
• through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. 
• set Christ apart as holy in your heart
• honour Christ and let him be the Lord of your life.
• simply concentrate on being completely devoted to Christ in your hearts.
• But make sure in your hearts that Christ is Lord
• Your heart should be holy and set apart for the Lord God

I think I will go with what He impressed upon my heart this morning... that I am to honour Him, the closeness I have, by cherishing it, and making it my highest priority.. that from that will flow what the 2nd part of the verse says:  "always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect..."

sounds like a plan...

..Transformation... quiet and gentle ..

t'was a nice day today.. so blessed by one of our Care Closet client's bringing me a freshly baked Banana Bread... because I am "so sweet"... so very kind of her..
things are moving along with the house Hope for Life is going to move into... God is blessing us and arranging things left, right and centre...
 a sweet, sweet friend indulged my craziness by making a "Fourth of July American Cake" for me and coming over for dinner and a movie.. she even was adequately impressed with my attempt at decorating.. ha..
this morning, when spending time with my God, pondering His Words to me from 1 Peter Chapter 2 I came away with the challenge to become more gentle, humble and quiet..
too bad there is not a CT Scan or something to measure the transformation taking place in one's heart and soul over time..
looking at those whose genes were combined to create me, the environment I grew up in, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He indeed has refined me.. and He is not done yet...
quite amazing actually, the changes that have happened.. makes me rejoice to think that no one is stuck where he or she is..
I  indeed am a new creation, the old has gone.. with the Holy Spirit residing in my soul, His fruit is growing and it is manifested in how I deal with every day life...
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22+23)
more quiet and gentle, more humble... hmmmmm... looking to Him for the power to change even more.. I know He will provide ..
 I always pray with joy  because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now,  being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ( Philippians 5:4-6)
a gentle and quiet spirit.... my heart's desire....

.. 4th of July and 3 more sleeps :)

4th of July... it's hot and sticky here in Ontario.. I am having my own little "Independence Day Party" today.. thankfully I could find some red, white and blue stars and streamers and stuff to decorate right here and didn't have to drive all the way to Buffalo for it..  :P
what a day.. had a nice treatment first thing by the world's best Osteopath... a meeting with some people representing the reality of our postmodern world.. praying while listening to them, I hope I represented the Lord well..

surprise meeting with one of our pregnant girls, who came even though she was kind of told to lay low.. she is due in 2 weeks.. always so nice to meet with her and see how serious she is about being a good and well prepared mom.. happy to bless a mother of 4 months old twins with diapers, formula and some clothes.. always freely handing out His love..
it is so good to be back at Hope for Life.. being sick and sad was just not a good combination at all...
another day at the Center tomorrow and then I am off to the Cruise.. booked this I think in February of last year.. yes..  as a former Cruiser I could do it earlier than others and I even got a free Cruise jacket for it... how cool is that..
so it is finally here.. thinking back two years ago when I was heading to Seattle all by myself, stayed in a Hotel all by myself, got on the Cruise all by myself... so very broken and alone.. I am praising God for where He has brought me.. meeting with one friend I met on the last Cruise in Montreal and sharing a room at the hotel, meeting another friend I met on the Cruise on the ship.. and then finally meet a few of those very nice fellow fans I have connected with over the last 2 years..
there is a Meet and Greet right before the Dinner and then there is the Welcome on Board Event...
a L'Angelus Concert at 11:00 pm right where the "Single Cruiser Gathering" is.. ha... maybe I will go to that this time..
action packed week, with Michael W Smith Worship Night, Jeremy Camp Concert and all kinds of other cool stuff.. looking forward to the Devotions.. 7:00 am, bright and early.. a great way to start the day...
expecting great blessing again this time.. thankful to be able to do this.. my God is an awesome God..

.. sailing.... into the light with Him...

living in the shadows,

letting fear enter into my mind,

not looking upwards

I go half-blind

you think I'd have learned my lesson,

for the floor falls right through

every time I take my eyes off You

for You are, You are the only light I need

You are , You are the lamp unto my feet

 and You are, You are the bright morning star 

that shines for me

shadows come when night starts falling

illumination fades away

but there is no shadow of turning

You will always be there for me

shining through the shadows

letting faith enter into my mind

when I look upwards

it's You I find

Holding on to my heart

holding on straight and true

every time I keep my eyes on You

 for You are.. you are the only light I need.....

( You are, Annie Herring)

some significant time with my friend this morning..  hearing from Him and telling Him all I am feeling right now.. I surrendered the hope I thought I had found a few weeks ago.. He told me that I had to do this every day for as long as it would take until my hope was in Him alone again..

wondering how I can keep myself from taking my eyes off Him, when I prayed the whole time that I wouldn't.. and failed anyways..

accepting that He is the One to call  ALL  the shots.. even more than I had allowed Him before.. oh the journey, wish I could just get it figured out a little faster.. it is all about trusting more and more... know that, but cannot fast forward through this becoming part of my make up.. 

letting go of the "don't I deserve that relationship you have for me now, considering how much I have gone through" self pity party-entitlement attitude..

I have all I could ever want... my "man" is not a shabby one... He is strong, actually all powerful!!! considerate and the most caring... He knows me like no one ever will and He gave His life for me.. He rejoices over every corner I turn on my journey..  over every little inch I come closer to where He so desires for me to be... with Him, always..

I know that all the desires of my heart will be met... when the time is right... in His time, He will make beautiful all things.... thank you for your patience with me.. I love you!

.. A Fib and a blood clot.. MORE days in the hospital..

something is wrong with my fancy PeakSaver Thermostat.. and it is HOT outside.. potential issue that will need looking into...
more important issue  is that my mother has been in hospital again, since the weekend and still is...
A fib, caused by, as we know now, thanks to the catheter that was put into her heart on Friday, a blood clot that is too big ( and she is too weak, with a pulse of 200 )  to "blast" , and therefore has to be "destroyed" with medication.. which needs to be closely monitored because of the danger of it causing a heart attack.. wow..
plans for the summer vacation in Corsica might have been thwarted again this year, since this can take up to 4 weeks..

In his heart a man plans his course,

    but the Lord determines his steps.

 (Proverbs 16:9)

hard to accept I am sure for someone who has been very independent and has seemingly "called the shots" for such a long time..

aging is a scary thing.. very scary when you don't have a strong foundation in your faith in Jesus Christ.. this is what I put my hope in:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

will never cease praying that my proud mother will soon bend her knee to the King of Kings and lay down the burdens of her heart, that she will acknowledge her need for a Saviour and accept Him as Lord.. this is what He says:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

(Matthew 11: 28-30)

.. I am CRAZY about Him..

reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.. and it is a blunt, very effective reminder of what life is all about..  for some reason we dismiss, or I should say, apparently I have been doing this; the fact that the God of the Universe, the One that made all the millions of galaxies, the One that created  the 3000 different species of trees that are growing within one Square mile of the Amazon Jungle -  loves me with a radical, crazy love.. get your head around that one..
He has known me from before I was conceived and has planned out my life and given me a specific purpose..

I am supposed to bring Him glory when things are great, by humbly pointing to Him as the source of anything good in my life .. and I am supposed to bring Him glory when things are tough and people can see that I, by His strength am able to deal with it ( and that does not mean pretending all is fine ) and never lose the peace and joy that He gives me..

fact:

• He called me out of darkness into His marvellous light, even when I was dead in my transgressions and was an enemy of His
• He has shown me my purpose and I have been living a life filled with joy and deeper meaning since the moment He saved me.
• He is with me every second of every day
• He doesn't need me, yet He allows me to be part of what He is doing
• He has surrounded me with people that love Him and love me with His love
• He speaks to me through His Word
• He keeps me safe and gives me all I could ever need

So, what is my problem.. my life here is but a vapour, anything that seems so important to me right now will be forgotten, like I will be in 50-70 years... for sure..and I know that then I will be united with this amazing Creator, who also is my best friend..

how and where I will spend the rest of my life, which could be a mere day or another 30 years, does not matter much.. what matters is what impact I can have for eternity..

will I be received with a "well done, good and faithful servant".. how much will I have loved Him while on earth..

another fact:

• I am CRAZY about Him... and He is CRAZY about me.. that can't be topped...
• COOL

.. surprised by His Goodness.. or: I'd rather be sailing :)

driving home from dropping my youngest off at the airport a wave of this so familiar feeling of being alone in this world swept over me..
a long weekend like the one coming up has a way of highlighting the fact that I am by myself ..
having lost the peace I had found a few months ago about this phase of my life  just recently, I felt sorry for myself and  shed a few tears on my way home..

telling my Jesus just how sad I am I felt I should go and do something I haven't done in a long time.. I went and got my nails done.. I know, vain, a girly thing to do and I really didn't think it  would make me feel better...

but then, the marvellous Darling of Heaven surprised me once again..
started talking to a lady sitting next to me who has been single for about the same time... her husband passed away Christmas Eve 2009..

the blessing wasn't in the "doing something for myself" but in meeting someone , in connecting and relating. phone numbers were exchanged and I really hope we can bless one another in some way..

went to the grocery store and ran into about 10 people I know.. made me feel ..you guessed it : NOT alone..

oh what a God this God of mine is.. He never fails to overwhelm me with His kindness and goodness...
instead of saying to me what I am telling myself.. namely to get over myself and be thankful for what I have, He instead showered me with a special blessing... His gentleness is so sweet..

went home, alone.. but not lonely and sad.. how can I ever doubt that what He has is perfect..

Live in constant expectation for God to surprise you with His goodness! 

"You crown the year with Your goodness"

Psalm 65:11

my little puppy's tiny little snoring noises are endearing and I think I will fall asleep comforted by the love my Father is surrounding me with... He is the GREATEST!!!

.. unbearable?? without Him for sure!!!

it's late, I have slept about a total of 5 hours the last 2 nights.. and yet.. here I am, and, I have something I want to say:
sometimes, I just can't go on.
so there, here it is.
sometimes, it is just all a bit much.
just read a great blog, by a great pastor out there... titled: God will allow more than you can bear ( alone)
ha.... had to click on that one when I read it in a tweet by Ron Edmondson..
he says that somewhere along the line Christians have believed a lie.. the lie that God will never give us more than we can handle...
and as a result we are feeling guilty when those "sometimes" come along..
sometimes life is just unbearable..
it plain sucks.. it hurts too much and it overwhelms us..
he says nowhere in the Bible does it say this.. he points out, and rightly so that it says that we will never be tempted beyond what we can stand up under, as in find a way to escape and not give in to sin...
but turmoil and trial, disappointment and pain????? always able to handle that?
in my 48 years of life I have had my share of those times.. and, compared to others I have had it "easy peasy pumpkin eater" like my little niece calls it..
so what's up with that?????
He allows the times we just cannot handle our life so that we have nowhere else  to go than to Him..
because without Him the mudslide is going to bury us and that was it..
but with Him.. well, with Him, who is strong when we are weak.. with Him, we can do all things...
relying on Him to hold us up under the pressure, difficulty and plain saddening reality of life.. with Him we can overcome.. we can have joy in the suffering, beauty in the turmoil and we can make it through another day..
True.. that's why I am loving this picture.... instead of avoiding looking at it because it symbolizes something I thought I might find just for it to fall apart..
Thanks be to God and Him alone.. #SoliDeoGloria

...orchestrated Blessings... Praise God

I had only been a Christian for a few months when I became a Coffee Break Bible Study Leader... I know, were those ladies out of their minds?????;)
anyways, in 2000 I signed up for the Coffee Break Convention in Grand Rapids Michigan.. my little daughter was only 3 at the time and leaving her and my other two for a few days was something I had not done..
it was worth the trip to Grand Rapids though I remember, great speakers, great workshops and AMAZING worship..
led by a beautiful woman named Annie Herring.....

this was my favourite song from her.. I even sang it once at a Women's Retreat of my own church a few years later... I Worship You...



thinking about Michigan, Grand Rapids and a connection I recently made to someone living there I remembered this song... well, I remembered that I loved it.. old woman I am I had forgotten the name of the artist and the title of the song...

thanks to Google and YouTube I finally found it.. and after not listening to it for at least 8 years or so I was blessed in a very special way tonite...
thanking my God for His attention to detail... gotta love Him :)

.. a bruised reed He will NOT break!!!!!

when I fell last week, flat on both my knees... it hurt... a lot... got up and my knees were still working... you couldn't even see much at first.. the next day the bruise was more visible..
today, a week and a day later my whole lower leg, knee all the way down my shin is green and blue..
my knees still hurt, but not that much anymore..
have been talking about bruises to my heart.. it was exposed, vulnerable.. and it got hurt.. the bruises are not visible.. but they are there...
so today.. when reading and studying my Bible.. this is what I came across:

 Isaiah 42: 1- 4

Behold my servant, whom I uphold,

    my chosen, in whom my soul delights;

I have put my Spirit upon him;

     he will bring forth justice to the nations.

 He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice,

    or make it heard in the street;

  a bruised reed he will not break,

    and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;

     he will faithfully bring forth justice.

 He will not grow faint or be discouraged

    till he has established justice in the earth;

    and the coastlands wait for his law.

the chosen one.. Jesus, has come to establish justice on the earth.. He has come to bind up the broken- hearted.. He has come to save the lost, to comfort the fatherless .. and He will not break a bruised reed..

my Jesus knew that I needed something from Him today.. He blessed me because I ran to Him for encouragement and hope.. He told me, AGAIN, that He knows that right now I feel like a bruised reed.. that AGAIN, I feel sad and alone.. He knew, that I was willing to once again surrender my dreams and hopes to Him.. and He cared enough to AGAIN show me that He understands..

He does not only care like no one ever will, has compassion and is the only one that ever could do anything to help me.. He AGAIN made sure I knew that He KNOWS..

to be known.. my biggest need... to be known means I am worthy to be known.. all about me is worthy to find out.. I am worth His time and attention, I am worth His empathy and His LOVE..

yes, He came to save my soul so that I could be close to Him, know Him and be known by Him..

I might be a bruised reed... but He is looking out for me.. and He definitely will not break me...

REPOST... needed the reminder: God my maker is my husband..

.seeking Him in the morning... dwelling on Him throughout the day, repeating my memory work to myself...I have found again what I had lost over the last few months.. sweet fellowship with my Redeemer... who has given me this scripture that touches me deep in my soul:


“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
   Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
   and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
 For your Maker is your husband—
   the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
   he is called the God of all the earth.
 The LORD will call you back
   as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
   only to be rejected,” says your God.
Isaiah 54: 4-6


another one.. the one I decided to memorize first.. is this:

 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

when I was married.. even though at times  not (in the end never at all) receiving what my soul really needed, not feeling loved or important... I would have NEVER even entertained the thought of cheating on my husband or getting some of what I needed somewhere else... Jesus, the Lover of my Soul definitely gave me everything I needed to stay true to the covenant between me and my husband..

rejected and tossed aside, replaced even while I was still thinking I was in a marriage, erased from a life together, divorced after 10 months of being separated... all of a sudden it seemed that I was not whole, I needed to be completed again by a man... with todays technical means a whole world of possibilities seemed to be at my fingertips... loneliness and the after math of a basically lifelong rejection by significant males didn't help..
clinging to Jesus for mere survival in the beginning, over time I took my eyes off Him...

so thankful today that He really never lets go of me, so thankful that my guilt and shame and His gentle interference and amazing timing brought me back into the safe place with Him...

knowing how vulnerable I really am I have chosen to memorize these two scriptures... for God, my maker is my husband... as much as I would have never cheated on my husband, even though he was, I will NOT cheat on my God and maker... until the day He releases me to the man He has for me I am going to run to Him in my loneliness and rejection.. when I feel less valuable because I am single, when I feel so utterly forgotten and abandoned... these feelings are real and they assault me at night..
by His grace I will dwell on the truth over and over again so that it will be written on my heart:
my Lord has called me back, because I am a wife deserted and distressed in spirit, a wife who married young, only to be rejected...
I trust Him that I will not have to remember the shame of my youth or the reproach of my "divorce" the ultimate abandonment by my husband..

I know I am not strong enough to pull this off, but I know that He is strong when I am weak.... that His grace is sufficient for me...I am just having to rely on that...

.. Bruises and "A Nose in Need Deserves Puffs Indeed" :S

feeling a tinzy weenzy bit better... cough more lose and attacks less suffocatingly long.. only half a huge Kleenex box used up in a day, down from a whole one the day before.. so there is light at the end of the tunnel of whatever this is.. :)
other items that inspire thankfulness and help to take one step at a
time out of the oh too familiar pit...

• my youngest will be done her semester at 10 today!!!
• some rather abrasive, trouble causing individuals have left the country :)
• one daughter gets to go to Cuba with a group of amazing people
• a Cruise in 11 sleeps..... which means meeting up with 2 special friends I haven't seen in a while :)
• a concert every night.. for a week..  ( mainly Michael W Smith :)
• devotion on the ship every morning ( last time that made the Cruise the place of healing it was for me )
• 3 days after arriving home I will have dental implant surgery... Hallelujah... it's about time these baby teeth get to retire.. :S
• in 6 1/2 weeks I get to go away with my 3 beautiful daughters for a total of 3 days... WONDERFUL
• my knee is getting better, looks worse but hurts less :)
• the knowledge deep in my soul that if He closes doors that looked inviting He knows why and it is for the best.... I LOVE the Protector of my Heart and Soul.. He is wise and strong and loves me unconditionally <3

there, that should be good enough for leaving the Eeyore cloud behind for now... hiding in the shelter of His wings is really good for my soul.. not sure when I will dare to come out of there.. but I guess it is a great place to rest.....

..I am waiting...

sick as a dog.. I hate being sick.. coughing and sneezing like there is no tomorrow..
great..
fallen from the perceived "High", down, flat on my face.. so I am calling out to the friend of the poor, once again...
"help me through the night, help me in the fight, come to my rescue..."

if it was about having "someone" in my life I could have had that a long time ago.. I was told I am too picky many times.. :S

I am looking for the one that my Jesus hand picked and groomed for me, the one He made me for.. is changing and transforming me for.. I won't give in to the need for companionship but rather seek Him out when I feel lonely..
He is my bestest friend, the lover of my soul.. His tenderness soothes my soul..always..

have read a few sayings lately that resonate with my soul:

"I love how God hides you from all the wrong ones. Saves u a lot of heartache. The right one will SEE you..and melt.... " now that's what I want..

"a woman's heart needs to be so hidden in the heart of God that the man has to seek Him to find her..."
hiding in the shelter of His wings... someone has to love Him as much as I do to find me... cool.....

what is needed is trust and patience.. total surrender... again and again.. so today, after another disappointment.. I am choosing to surrender and move closer to the One who protects my heart.. who knows best and who comes to my rescue in my loneliness.. I wasn't even that lonely when that someone had come calling.. was not seeking.. so back to my favourite place I go...
serving Him while I am waiting.. actually, just getting better for now is all I am doing... sucks to be sick...

Despair.

sick

lonely

disappointed

abandoned

depressed

losing hope

tired of this all

where are You?

why a glimpse and then a "NO"?

more sadness

more disappointments

blessings?

really?

and then taken away

is it a game?

alone

trying so hard

failing

where are You??

you promised

you are in control

why not for me?

sad

lonely

sick

sick of it

hiding forever?

I wish

how come not for me?

not from the parents

not from the one who promised

when is it enough?

where are You???

how long?

but you are faithful

so I will praise you

because You are the Rock

I continue to put my trust in You

The End

I like my hair, I like my bed, I like my house...

this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it...



lies, coming out of the crevices of old wounds, that are, slowly healing... trying to creep back into my mind over the last few days.. I choose to RENOUNCE them..
knowing full well that this IS the truth:

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. ( 1 Peter 1:6-9 )

I like my kids, I like my puppies, I like my friends, I like my God, I like my church, I like my hair, I like my room, I like everything... I can do everything good... through Christ... who NEVER disappoints. :)

...Roller Coaster and Amazing Love...

what a week this has been.. or should I say what five days those five days have been ;)
from spending a day in the hospital with my mother dealing with a "fluttery" heart, Sunday Worship and Father's Day celebrations,  to a wonderful day of connecting with someone special on Monday, encouragement and blessing beyond my imaginations on Tuesday, a busy and fulfilling day at Hope for Life on Wednesday, followed by a rather draining and depressing meeting at night to being "serenaded"by the wonderful Worship pastor once again.. a busy evening and weekend ahead...
all this with temperatures that make us think of that place were there is eternal fire... you know what I mean...

and this is what I have been blessed with this week: listening to the same song over and over again for a total of eight hours of driving in two days... and yes, this officially made this song the most played song on my iTunes ;) .. during the last of the eight hours this is what God impressed on my heart:

that He, Jesus, who is the friend of the poor... ( not just the poor in regards to material things but anyone poor : in spirit, joy, love, the meek and humble and downtrodden...) understands the heartaches and deep disappointments of my life.. that He, who comes to the rescue of the poor and makes their hearts His home ( and gives their hearts a home ) indeed has been familiar with what has been done to my heart, He, in His amazing love told me that my sadness resulting from not being treated the way I should have been as a child and as a wife is indeed legitimate.. that I have a right to feel this and that He in turn is blessing me abundantly now because in all of it I have continued to seek Him first, clinging to Him and trusting Him..... ( by His grace, mercy and strength)
..cried tears of joy and gratitude when this new dimension of His love sunk into my heart...
as I fathom the depth of His love a little bit more the love I have for Him becomes even more uncontainable ..
I Worship You Lord Jesus... I will never cease to be in awe of Who You are...

"joy follows suffering"

You are Sunrise. You are blue skies. How would I know the morning if I knew not midnight?

midnight I know.. I have dwelled in the darkness of loss and pain.. I "did" my time there, accepted it and allowed it to hurt...  to take it's course... but then, "your cries of love broke through and I fell in love with you once more...

you have lifted me from the pit and have shown me your mercy and love.. you have given me your peace in all circumstances... and so:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,  that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,   so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,  and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. ( Ephesians 3:14-19)

to know you in your suffering oh Lord, is to know abundant life... thank you for letting me experience midnight.. so that I would recognize and appreciate the morning.. oh what a glorious one it is...

#SoliDeoGloria

... Uncompromising?????

uncompromising.... what an offensive word this has become in our "post modern, politically correct, all is good if it is good for you- world"
sounds as bad as when we claim we know truth... your truth, my truth... NO, TRUTH!!!

one of the marks of a great church ( this was a sermon on 1 Corinthians chapter 16 , which concluded the sermon series of the last year through the whole book of 1 Corinthians ) is that we are uncompromising!

other points where: Generous, Relationships, Optimistic, Welcoming, Robust, Loving and Submissive..
so Uncompromising...
I love it... I love how black and white the Bible is.. very outspoken and VERY clear...

I, Paul, write this greeting with my own hand.  If anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed. Our Lord, come.
 ( 1 Corinthians 16: 21+22)

no love for the Lord? no love for His church? if you have no love for the Lord, if you look for  answers, help or comfort in something other than the Lord.. as in belief systems you might have had before you were saved  ( like the people in Corinth, going back to the temple of Aphrodites for example) you will be accursed....

if you are not fully committed to Jesus, who is the Truth, the Way and the Life... if you are not fully committed to Jesus, who is the Word... if you are not fully committed to standing up for and living the way His Word and Truth tells you ( failing, but striving always, being transformed)... then let you be accursed...
you will end up being someone the Lord will say to: "get away from me I never knew you..."
there is no grey, no lukewarm, no "creating your own idea of what Christianity is"... why do you think we have been given the Bible... why do you think it is still around today... duh... it is He who has made sure that we can have a copy and be able to understand His Word.. no excuses...

very passionate about this.. yes, I am.
there is more that spoke to me today in church... there will be more.. this though... it is the most important... because, He moves on and "shakes off the sand off His sandals" the Holy Spirit that is...if we do not uphold His Word as the authority of our life, our personal life and that of the church..
and that IS the truth...

.."A fib" or " A Day in the Hospital"...

... so this morning , after taking my puppies outside I had decided that sleeping in was a great plan.. when the phone rang and my father told me my mother was feeling poorly.. problems with her heart..
I jumped out of bed and got ready quick time.. drove over and ended up taking my mother to the hospital..
there is something about someone that feisty and strong to be so obviously in distress..
so thankful we did go even though my mother hates hospitals after last year's months of suffering..
"A fib" or atrial fibrillation.. leading to an irregular and way to fast heart rate is what was diagnosed..
not life threatening today, but dangerous enough to need to be managed with medication....
spent many hours waiting for her heart to calm down and blood work to be okay again..
 a day turning out much different than planned reminded me again of a verse from Proverbs 16:9

In his heart a man plans his course,

    but the Lord determines his steps.

back home after getting her prescription filled and her settled comfortably for the night I spent the night listening to this great young Christian band called Leeland... one song touched my heart in a special way tonite:

On the African plains,

A young mother weeps, for her hungry child

She prays he’ll survive, with tear-filled eyes

She looks up to heaven, and calls your name

She pours out her pain

You know her name, and you hear her cries

Friend of the poor, help me through the night

Help me in the fight, come to my rescue

Friend of the poor, take this skin and bones

Make this heart a home, come to my rescue

On the streets of L.A.

An old man lies in his cardboard home

He feels so alone, with tear-stained eyes

He looks up to heaven, and prays a prayer:

“Is there anyone there?”

You know his name and you hear his cries,

It’s getting dark, it’s getting late

It’s cold outside the rich mans gate

And I’m wondering,

Do you have any friends around here?

today was another gift from the Lord, another day I didn't have to say Good bye to my mother.. the Friend of the Poor, a Friend to all that need Him, He was with us today, gave the Dr's wisdom and made the medication work.. The Friend of the Poor.. the One who made my heart His home.. I pray that today He will make her heart His home.. thanking Him for His good and perfect plans...

Graduation and the road ahead...

what a week.. a whirlwind of activity following 2 weekends of events and rushing around..
this week, starting with the LSAT taken in London, Ontario by my middle daughter, followed by Graduation festivities and her actual Graduation last night..
proud and happy moments... and moments of experiencing the reality of some not so wonderful facts..
this is what life has been and will continue to be, this is, I think, a very normal thing ... growing, learning, embracing the journey..
even the speaker at the University Graduation eluded to it.. it is an ongoing thing..
not all will be perfect,  but all will be needed ingredients on our path to becoming who God has planned for us to be..
much older than this daughter of mine who celebrated this significant event in her life last night I am still on that path as much as she is...
I think I might know a bit better who I am and who this God of mine is, just because I have spent about 27 years more than her on this journey.. there is not a day though that goes by, that doesn't have me learning something new..
layer by layer God is revealing Himself and what He has for me.. often painful sometimes really cool, I am on the journey for better or  for worse..
the good thing is that I know that it is for the better in the end for sure..
for her, the future is bright, so many possibilities, she has proven she has it in her to work hard for what is important to her and there will be a lot that she will achieve..
degrees and titles and positions..  as futile as striving for those could be in the end, when our eyes are fixed on Jesus He will indeed use it for the furthering of His Kingdom and the blessing will be "out of this world"
commitment, intelligence, opportunities.. all  these things have been given to her by her Father in Heaven..


 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

doing the good works that God has in advance prepared for us to do is the greatest blessing in this life..
seek first His Kingdom and all the desires of your heart will be given unto you... bumps in the road and great moments alike, they all are ingredients of our journey here..

God bless my Graduate!!!

outwardly wasting away...

so it's official.. not only do I need prescription reading glasses ( stigmatism's in both eyes ) but also glasses for distance... REALLY?
craziness. this whole aging thing , when did it start???

seems like in this culture we have forgotten how to age with dignity... botox, plastic surgery, derma abrasion, anti wrinkle creams and hair implants... :S seriously?

in a world where youth stands for fun and adventure and strength, where it is all about running after   whatever makes you happy, aging is a sure sign that this life is one day going to come to an end and it must be fought with all that we have in us..

there is nothing wrong with eating healthy and exercising.. after all, God gave us our bodies and we are to treat them well. Our body is His temple and we have to take good care of it.. but..

what happens when we do not age well? we still age... we cannot hide it forever and rather than embracing this phase in our life and bless those around us with our wisdom and experience, we become a sad shell of the person we could be for the generation coming after us...

as children of God we know that after this, we are going to spend eternity with Him.. this is what His Word tells us:


Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.... ( 2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

aging well: realizing your limitations and joyfully blessing those around us.. investing in your children and grandchildren, leaving behind a legacy of otherness and humility...
that's my plan and by His Grace I think I will be able to do this, glasses and all... :)

.. For all my single friends!!! A MUST READ!!!!

up again...( it bothers me) ..in the middle of the night...
but this is what I found hidden in my "documents" .. for all the single people I know:


Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says, "No, not until you're satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.”

"I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me-exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings.”

"I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.”

"Don't be anxious and don't worry. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to me, or you'll miss what I have to show you."

“And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is perfect love.”

"And Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know I love you. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied."

Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

And Psalms 37:4-5 Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

without knowing I had this in my "archives" this is exactly what He has taught me...
I am expecting great and marvellous things..  :)