The day it all changed....

sometimes I wish I could be more settled...less sad.... less alone... the funny or not so funny part is that this is just who I am. I have always been that way. a lot worse actually. because now I have a constant in my life that I never had before I met my Saviour... I knew there had to be more to life than what it was and so I looked for it... didn't know what it was... looked everywhere.... New Age.. "The divine within".. makes me cringe now... astrology, numerology, eastern religions.... the beliefs of the native Indians... went to a Sweat Lodge ceremony after I had been praying for 6 months asking God to reveal Himself to me.... I wanted more than just the "traditional Christian" stuff.... it left me empty... like everything else did...so I prayed and asked if He was maybe there, in the tent with the Grandfather stones, the drums and the pipe.... He spoke to me that night... He told me that yes, there was so much more to Him, but that I couldn't meet Him here, I had to go to church.... living in a little Canadian town, I was overwhelmed with the 11 different churches... not used to that.. as a good German girl, I only knew the Catholic and the Lutheran church... everything else I had been told were sects.... God in His wisdom had moved us into a house right next to a family that went to church... they had brought over a meal when they had heard I was sick earlier... wow, I had never ever experienced anything like this... so coming home I asked my neighbors if I could go to church with them the following Sunday.... ..and.. no surprises... there He was.. the Gospel was preached, I heard for the very first time about the fact that Jesus was thinking of me personally, paying for my sins, when He died on the cross, that He wanted to be my personal Saviour, Lord and friend, walking with me through my life.... cried through the whole sermon and my life has never been the same since.. issues? problems? conflicts? pain? heartache? for sure.. but never facing any of it alone anymore.. the Holy Spirit inside me guiding me, teaching me and changing me... not searching for meaning anymore.. just seeking the face of my Lord every day..getting to know Him better and better... blessed to know Him like I do... thankful for the heartaches... bringing me closer to Him..... cherishing every second of the closeness I have with Him.... so... sadness, yes, because in this world we will have troubles...because my citizenship is in Heaven, I am a stranger, an alien in this world, so loneliness, no surprise really ... Him calling me to minister to broken people... sadness because I cannot make it all okay for all of them... giving them what I found that Sunday in June 1994..... my Jesus! sad and lonely yet so full of joy, purpose and meaning...full of love for all those around me... I have nothing to complain... I am embracing my life and all it is... Praising my God for choosing me to be His, way back when.......