a weekend in Franklin / Nashville Tennessee with my most favorite in the whole wide universe artist... Michael W. Smith, 3 concerts with him and one worship service, an invitation to his ranch for a BBQ and an Open Air concert... meeting his family.... his music has been an instrument of healing, hope and grace in my life since the unthinkable happened almost 18 months ago.....
and now, I am up and can't fall back asleep because I am sure God is telling me I need to cancel this weekend... I need to cancel it because the news we got at the Dr's office has been a bit disconcerting...
because I have a child that is struggling, has been struggling with what has been dealt her in the last 18 months... a child that has had to be okay with her mother spending a total of 4 weeks away in the last two months, and even though she understands that my mother needed me, she needs me... she has been assaulted by some very bad blows, and she needs me now...
yesterday's news of a "mass" in her right kidney, which could be anything from just a shadow, a bright renal column showing up weirdly on an ultrasound to cancer....there is another mass, which could be a kidney stone, or just another mass.... mass.... I hate this word.... she has had pain for a long time... all over the place, it looks like she also has gastritis which is completely stress related.... duh..... the poor kid.
so, as she has been clinging to me, this little independent child of mine, so not her at all.... I think I need to let everyone I was going to meet in beautiful Tennessee know that I won't be coming after all....
I need to do what I did two months ago when I dropped everything and rushed to my mother's ICU bed... my love for my mother trumped any other responsibility, obligation, my aversion against flying and anything else that was important to me.... and today, this early morning my love for my daughter and His Spirit inside of me is telling me I need to drop everything and be with my child.
I am not anxious, I trust the Lord for her health and her emotional needs to be met, I just know that as her mother I need to be there for her...I want to be there for her, like I needed to be there for my mother and wanted and want to be there for her... talking with her on the phone yesterday as well I felt so sorry for her, crying a bit on the phone with her... I can't be there right now... I just can't...
so... long story short... I will email everyone and give them the news... I know that Michael will be disappointed... ( I wish ) but .....
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build....
a time to travel and have the most fun ever in your life
and a time to stay with those you love...
thankful to have my children to love, what a gift they are to me, same as my beloved mother,
it is a privilege for me to be at their side whenever they need me... this is just one of those times...
the rest my Daddy, my Abba Father will look after... I just need to be there....
