... pondering life....

.. so we didn't get the BBQ today after all... but we still had the burgers and the full spread.. my girls are making Birthday cards for my Mami... it's raining and my Jesus is loving us... God willing when I come back I will have a screen door and a new thermostat that I can actually set to the temperature I want... now that would be a treat...  ;)
my little puppy as always, attached to me...sitting on my couch pondering life...
when He came and rescued me from the pit of hopelessness and self destruction, senseless and meaningless striving... futile and frustrating struggling.... He saved me because He loved me... but that was not the only reason... not at all.... He saved me to make Himself known to the world, the world He created that is dismissing Him, belittling Him and disobeying Him... He laid out the path of my life, being the All Knowing God that He is... to need Him, to cling to Him, to love Him with that passion He created in me, to have my heart broken just for Him to catch me... to be heart broken by what breaks His heart.. to love like He loves, to be compassionate like He has compassion on His people, to seek Him... to share Him and to depend on Him for everything....
 to thank Him for everything, to ascribe worth to Him in the presence of those who deny Him, and don't know Him.... SOLI DEO GLORIA....
it's all from Him... without Him I am not able to love, to bless, encourage or comfort...through Him I can be like Him, by His grace He transforms me, trial by trial... more and more into His likeness and that... that is worth all the tears... to know Him is what it is all about... to draw near to Him and find the acceptance and the love, the value, the significance... to be able to accept HIs will and thank Him for it... not to worry about tomorrow... but to leave it in His capable hands... a decision each time, not always easy but the right decision nonetheless..
they are still working away my girlies... love them so much... missing the one who isn't here but so thankful she is blessing my mother right now... reunited with her on Monday...
God is good, he is merciful and just, He is the Lover of my Soul... I am known by Him... how precious..
He has prepared good works for me to do and... best of all, He has prepared a room for me in His mansion.... that beats all...... do you know Him?????

...what if Your healing comes through tears.....

... plans are shaping up... plane ticket printed, train schedule checked... plans made for the birthday dinner with my mom, on wednesday taking her down the mountains for her Colonoscopy and up again afterwards... praying the vertigo meds will work and driving myself will help as well... if all is okay surgery on Friday...  my head is spinning... actually my whole world was literally spinning earlier... heart racing and sweating... no idea why..... better now... phew..
wow... busy and crazy and so wonderful at the same time.... will see my mother on Monday afternoon... thankful to have her... loving her so much...
meetings all last week for the Center.. all of this is coming together as well... first volunteer meeting last Thursday... encouraged by the love and compassion that was felt in the room..
God is going to use us, what an amazing privilege...  blessings all around... looking quite different than imagined at times... but so much more precious and dear.. His loving hand never letting go, gently leading me along the path he knows will be best... for each of us...

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

such truth, such blessing.... this world, all our dreams and hopes and longings it can never satisfy... trusting Him completely to lead me... wondering how many sleepless nights and tears it will take......