Friday, August 20, 2010
...Hindsight...Take Three.........
.......going on a trip together as planned that August, I was excited, I was so full of love for him, God had taken down my defenses, my walls, the ones I had erected to be safe from the constant criticism, lack of love and understanding for me and my children. He had shown me that I only needed Him, to be obedient to Him and He was going to look out for me, there was no need for me to do this by myself and in the process sin by not loving my husband the way God wanted me to...
Now he on the other hand, wasn’t telling me yet, but was planning to let me know he didn’t love me anymore...he was not going to be honest and tell me that he was involved with another woman, a woman who was very close to my heart, who I always only loved and supported, felt like a big sister to and sometimes even had motherly feelings for.
She had been having a hard time with a cheating husband and I in my stupidity invited her to come and stay with us for a few weeks that summer... oh the ignorance.....
I knew that her and my husband had been communicating, I had found that out... but somehow I still trusted both of them...maybe I was just in denial..
She came, he told me he didn’t love me anymore when I asked why he, now that the guest room was needed otherwise, wouldn’t move back into the bedroom with me...
I lost it... I was devastated....I loved him more than ever before and he just cold heartedly tossed me aside..
And all along she was there.....looking back it makes me sick thinking about what they were doing...two people that for different reasons where the closest people to me... the betrayal still hurts today...forgiveness is accepting to live with the consequences of the other person’s sin... I did that... the consequences are a broken and torn to pieces family and a heart that has experienced such deceit and betrayal that it still makes tears well up in my eyes and my heart as I am writing this.
I know that my loving Father knew what was happening, that He was there with me and that I was even then protected by Him...otherwise I am not sure I would have survived it..
But I wouldn’t give up, not knowing that there was someone else, I was willing to give him time to see for himself that this change in me was for real, that I was really able to just love and respect no matter what...
I was afraid what would happen, didn’t want to loose my husband , the man that I loved like never before...I could have been anxious...
But God was sustaining me.. He spoke to me through another song of MWS...He sees your tears... He fights your fears... Hold on, Help is on the way.... He said He’d never leave you or forsake you........(my Father working through the details)...Hold on..Help is on the way...just reach out and take His hand....
.......to be continued....
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