.......lonely.... yes and no....

all good things come in God's time... what if He doesn't want it..... but He is good...  He cares more than anyone ever could....  but more about our holiness than our happiness... right..

this is the kind of dialogue that goes on in my mind some days... I am convinced that God is good, I know for a fact that He is all about making us more like Himself... transforming us so that we reflect Him to the world around us and bring Him glory... I also know that the refining happens through suffering, loss and adversity... not through happiness and bliss.....


I am thankful for the last 16 years and 8 months, I am thankful that since He has been walking with me this is true for my life:
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed ( 2 Cor 4: 7-9)
there has been joy and blessings all along, there has also been a fair share of pain and sadness... my faith is strong as a result and He has changed me a lot in those years...

is it wrong to desire some happiness,  to be loved by a godly man? cherished and respected, valued and appreciated? after all, after such failure in marriage and having been taught all He has about how to be a godly wife, wouldn't it be okay to give me another chance????

this world is so full of sin, of lies and betrayal, of heartache and trials.... wouldn't it be okay to show to the world the mystery of Jesus' love for the church... Eph 5: 31 +32 : For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church....

today as I was shovelling my driveway, and don't get me wrong, the exercise is great for me, I know that, I was thinking about how I have no reason to complain, there are many of my girlfriends with husbands out there shovelling as well...but then again, these husbands are out there providing or inside cooking a meal for their family... even though... I am not complaining... but I am sad... and the dialogue goes on again... I know that I need to trust Him and that this is not really helping me, but then again, I know that my Jesus understands my humanness, my weakness and my loneliness...

He has been walking with me for such a long time, we are such a great fit, I am leaning my head on His shoulder right now, in the place where I can hear His heartbeat... and I am allowing the feelings, because I am safe in His presence... as I am opening myself up to Him He in His compassion and love for me touches me with His healing hands... I love Him with all my heart... I will be eternally grateful....

... do not worry....

.. the snow storm of the decade...  really????? well, we have our snow day and that is wonderful... someone asked yesterday if we needed to stock up on food... the truth is, garbage was picked up, even our little street is plowed already and if we needed anything we could go and get it...

isn't this what we always do? we get ourselves all worked up about something that seems to be right around the corner?


Thomas S. Kepler, a respected biblical scholar  (1897-1963) told the story about a woman who tracked her worries and found the following:


40% of the things she worried about were about things that would never happen.

30% of the things she worried about were about things that had already happened, water under the bridge.

12% of the things she worried about were about others' opinions and when she thought about it she realized that criticisms are often made by those that are jealous or insecure and therefore unjust criticism is a disguised compliment.

10% of the things she worried about were needless health worries, which made her health worse as she worried.

8% of the things she worried about were "legitimate," since life has some real problems to meet.

Interesting facts..... I have encountered some new worries since I am a single woman... never had to worry about finances much, always felt secure and taken care of... have been spending many hours in bed at night doing Math in my head and getting all worked up about things...

so thankful for my accountability partner and the wonderful program called JOG that is offered at my church... each week, after dwelling on the same passage of scripture each day on our own, we come together and share what the Lord has been bringing to our attention, we also hold each other accountable about living life the way we are called to... knowing that worrying is not what God wants us to do, I have learned to take my worries captive as soon as the thoughts enter my mind and offer them up to my Lord and Saviour and leave them with Him.  by His grace and strength it is getting better....


in Matthews 6: 25-27 we read:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

it goes on to say in verse 33+34:
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

snow storm... financial security... the future of our children... it's all in the hands of the One that put the stars in the sky... the One that has loved us with a love so great to sacrifice His only Son to be reconciled to us... will He not with Him give us all we will ever need?

each struggle we face is an opportunity to grow in our faith... we will never encounter anything that He will not also provide the strength to overcome.... find the peace that He promises and learn to depend on Him even more.. love how He works it out for each one of us.... just resting in His goodness today...