for the last 2 months or so I have been able to say that I think I am actually realizing I am fine.... it is still kind of weird for me to say that... kind of like when you have been sick for so long and you are surprised to be healthy again... especially because it seemed like something that didn't cease to shock me and leave me baffled... for a long, long time...
I remember saying to myself whenever thinking of the whole thing before ( which happened a lot... and now not any more..hallelujah) "I can't believe he did that"....
somehow I am no longer baffled... no longer hurt even... weird to say that... never had anything that hurtful happen to me and really see it being healed... so I guess that explains my surprise...
for me, this is just one more proof that God is actually really doing what He says... He tells us to be obedient and forgive and He will deal with the emotions and heal us...
as the wedding of my Ex husband is approaching I am finding myself to be totally fine with this...
I am not saying that what he did was right, and I still believe that God does not want marriages and families to fall apart, but, when people in our lives choose to sin, and we forgive them, He is faithful and heals our wounds...
I am also not saying that I am not still confronted with the consequences , especially as my children are each on their own path to healing, I am also not saying that there is not a certain regret and sadness that I believe will always be there... I am just so thankful that God has come through for me once again.
not only has He been there all along, walking alongside me on the path to healing that led me to the deepest depths of pain, but He has kept His promise... He has restored the years the locusts have eaten...
the best thing about this is that I am not feeling this way because the man in my life has been replaced and some man is now making me happy, not at all, it is a state of contentment and joy, of realizing that my life is blessed, that I am loved and accepted... that I am never alone and that living pursuing my God given purpose in life , growing in my relationship with Jesus and persevering on the path that He has laid out for me in itself is fulfilling and a gift from Him...
I am surprised that it didn't take longer for this to happen... I am so thankful...
yesterday in church we sang one of my favorite songs.... Jesus, Lover of my Soul....
it is almost 9 years ago that my cousin was killed in a car accident... she was only 29 and had a little son... the only thing that brought me comfort at this time of grief was this song..
Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the Rock, and now i know
I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end
I realized as I was singing this song yesterday that even then He was teaching me and preparing me for what was going to happen... to cling to Him no matter what happens around us... to pursue Him and hold on to Him, trusting that when I didn't even have the strength to hold on to Him anymore He indeed would never let me go.....
I decided then and there that I would always worship Him, no matter what happened... I accepted His sovereignty and decided to believe that even in death His plans are always the best for us.
I thank Him for giving me this kind of faith... I never questioned Him knowing best... even when I couldn't see what could be good about what was happening in our lives...
speak about believing that there is light at the end of the tunnel when you have no way of seeing even a glimpse of it....
He has never disappointed me and I am in awe of His great love.... it is, I am sure, something that will never change, it is what He wants me to tell other's about... it is all in His Great Master Plan... in His great love He saves us and gives us a purpose... He sustains us and carries us... He gives us so much more than any human being could ever give us... we need to let one another off the hook... how can a bunch of broken, sinful people ever be able to treat one another well enough, without hurting one another? let's face it, that is just not going to happen this side of heaven... so I am choosing to do it God's way... try to with His strength do my best and let go of the hurts that I am sure will continue to come my way... after all, who else can I rely on? so far His advice has always worked out for me...
#SoliDeoGloria
