my JOG partner had asked me that not so long ago : Why would you, who has only encountered sadness, disappointment and loneliness in your relationships, have never felt loved by any of the significant men in your life, starting with your father, think it is so important to be in a relationship with a man again?
well, a very good question...
little girls already are longing for Prince Charming to come and sweep them off their feet... those that are blessed enough to have a father that makes them feel special might have a better chance of accepting reality....someone like me, who felt afraid of her father and never good enough, was traumatized by violent outbursts that would come out of nowhere and as a result of his inability to communicate love and relate in a healthy way has always felt extremely insecure... someone like me, who ended up with a man who wasn't emotionally available and as frightening.... who continually pointed out shortcomings and would react with ice cold anger... someone like me, as crazy as this is, ends up after 47 years still hanging on to the dream that Prince Charming will eventually show up.....
and then, I thought this morning, there is God, my Abba Father, my Daddy, who loves me and has made me in His image, who has forgiven me for all my shortcoming, past and future, who longs to spend time with me, wants to know all that is on my heart... He, who delights over me with singing and knows all my inmost thoughts, He cherishes me and has prepared a room for me in His mansion... He has promised to walk through my life with me , carry me when I am weak and tired, give me all I will ever need...
how in the world can I still be fantasizing about this mere mortal, who finally will love me for who I am , who will not put me down for my enthusiasm and my passion, who will appreciate my compassion and share my love for my Saviour.... I really should just be content with the fact that I have this eternal Father, who also is the lover of my soul, fix my eyes on Him and be thankful and leave my unrealistic dreams and romantic fantasies at His throne of grace... and only if He brings this man ( and I know there are some ;) into my life, accept this relationship as yet another blessing from Him....
there, that's what I figured out... let's see how long I can stick to it, hopeless romantic that I am :(
