being here, talking to or listening to everyone... too much information of the kind I rather not have.... more hurt, more details... this is why I have chosen to stay away for so long.... no mean intentions, just sharing things they know...making little remarks...
I hate sin, I hate consequences... I am so sick and tired of being confronted with just how much betrayal, for how long and in what ways.... lies.... so many lies... I do not need to know.... tears, and the question: why did it have to be that way?
was doing so well, but stepping into the realm of my family left me vulnerable... I knew it...
I am so thankful that my mother is coming back... that she is more and more able to figure out what is reality and what is fantasy... talking to her is almost a 100% back to normal.... it seems like the restraints she had put on herself in re to my marriage have been removed.. it's been so long.. I must be fine to talk about it.... well, unfortunately I am not only fanatic and crazy, forgiving and willing to love no matter what, I also seem to be weak, not getting over what was done to me, still so sad that when driving back home, I am crying again..... actually, I am not okay with that... I hate that it still hurts me so much...
so I am choosing again to let it go, take my thoughts that are figuring out new information I didn't want, captive to the obedience of Christ... they are not something I should dwell on...
rather I am thanking God for the sunshine, the progress my mother is making and the fact that He is faithful and true...
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
( Psalm 100 )
AMEN
