...disillusionment and self pity, wants and desires... doubting God's sovereignty and not trusting Him to want my best... exploring some territory outside His general will... wanting to believe that His specific will for me would be just a little bit outside that.. oh how good we are at justifying and rationalizing things away... I had to come to this, even though I was fighting it tooth and nails... you know the story..
but in His faithfulness, His lovingkindness, He was not mad at me, He had not turned away, His loving gaze had been on me while I was engrossed in my futile struggles to find MY happiness....
Blessed is the one
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the one
whose sin the LORD does not count against them
and in whose spirit is no deceit.
When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD.”
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
will not reach them.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Engaging in the SCC ( Solitude, Cell, Celebration) lifestyle, promoted by my church... refocused and deeply immersed into His Word... this is what He said to me this week:
I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus. Through him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words and all of your knowledge. This confirms that what I told you about Christ is true. Now you have every spiritual gift you need as you eagerly wait for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns. God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. ( 1 Corinthians 1: 4-9 )
dabbling in doing things my way, since God "obviously didn't care", has consequences.. facing those this week I needed to be encouraged and that is exactly what He did... He said He will keep me strong to the end, so that I am without blame...He will do it, because He IS faithful.. when loneliness and sadness comes at night, when attacks are originating from inside my own house... He has kept me strong.. and I am encouraged...
10 more sleeps until the Grand Opening and then the next day we are OPEN... Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center is a reality... and so very needed!!!!! Affirmation of that has come our way every day!!!!!
How could I trust Him for this and not for my own personal life? It made no sense.. I am so thankful that He put things into perspective once more....
