.... septic shock and "gipfeli"

..she definitely does not understand yet what is really going down... talking to the Dr about tumors and stuff, she  has not the slightest idea that this is Cancer and that this will mean that Chemotherapy has to be seriously considered... the 3 hours this morning were rather discouraging... a lot of talk about the "dreams" that happened because of the septic shock which happened because of the intestinal perforation... all organ systems shutting down as the immune system went into overdrive.... when listening to her talk and seeing how considerably well she is doing, I am still in awe at the recovery process... found out reading up on what happened on the internet, the odds were really more 25-50% ... the higher percentage for sure more applicable for the "elderly".... God has been performing one miracle after the other...
she is doing remarkably well but the fact that some of those issues could be permanent ones is not to be dismissed... I am not dwelling on it but still realize every time I leave how much I am emotionally and physically under stress ... feeling nauseous and so incredibly tired, sometimes breathing is difficult... so thankful though to still be able to be here...
the sun is shining again and it is about 15 degrees in beautiful Engadin, I should go on a little walk but I am just too exhausted...
sad to miss my church service for the 2nd time in a row.... I never like that, but especially now it would be so wonderful to worship together...
I am going to go get a treat from one of the bakeries here... my mother is allowed to have them since  her appetite is not that great, she might take a few bites of a "gipfeli"..... her body needs the calories, otherwise she will continue loosing more muscle and be even weaker..

I know that I am functioning only because   “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

persevering only possible because of His love and care.... leaning on him with all of me... every last cell of my weary body, heart and mind..... loving Him so much......