.. he loves me... he loves me not...

..he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me.. he loves me not... remember that game.. all the poor, unsuspecting flowers getting their petals ripped off in an attempt to find out if he, the one we like, loves us... little girls are doing it... girls a little older do it and even "old" girls are still vulnerable and insecure..
especially when, like me, they found out the hard way that the one who said he loved her turned out to have been lying about it for a time and eventually admits that he DOESN'T..
Over the last year or so, after what I had fearfully suspected was proven to be a fact.. ... I have continually struggled with this....
As a born again Christian, in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He actually does love me... not only that, He made me the way I am, is constantly very gently making me even better... He will always love me and nothing can ever change that...but.... the need to be validated by a human, real flesh man is creeping up... again and again... sometimes it is only a "little need"... that is easily dealt with through prayer and time with Him, the one true love I have.. He helps by giving me other stuff to focus on, opportunities of service and joy through blessings from Him, like my kids and my friends...
Other times it comes over me like a black cloud, and this cloud follows me around... (I always have had a close connection to Eeyore... what a cute little munchkin....) then it is harder to shake off and then I am saddened  for a bit longer...
Then there are other times when I am walking in the warmth of the embrace of my Father in Heaven and I feel so loved.. it is amazing...
So, is it going to stay like this forever? the changes? There are less "very needy" times, for sure.. so maybe it will change.. I am actually pretty fine alone, most of the time, enjoying the freedom....but then the Eeyore moments come and again my Saviour has to pick me up and put me back on my feet... so glad He does not get annoyed easily... actually He has amazing patience and love for me...
He does make me smile... and He does give me strength... He is the One that lifts me up... and keeps me close.... no need to pull out flower petals, no need to wonder and fret... I know that I know that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus loves me... because the Bible tells me so...  :)

... we are living stones...

.. an new morning and God's mercies are new again... Heading to Cambridge again and meeting with 2 clients.... the one professes to be a buddhist, the other was brought up Catholic and had no trouble us praying for her when she came the first time...

As I am so excited for what God is doing in my life and as the fact that I get to share Him and His love with those that do not know Him I need to make something very clear....

Jesus came to save the lost and when He left He gave us the Great Commission... telling us to go and make disciples of all nations... He also came to give us something very worth wile, He gave it to us, because he knew, considering we are made in His image and He is in constant community ( The Trinity...)  we needed it...He gave us the church, His body, to be encouraged, held accountable, taught and ministered to, a "building" of living stones, build on the Cornerstone,  Jesus Christ....

Jesus disciples, at the Day of Pentecost, when the Counselor that Jesus had promised them came over them did just that, he made them into a church, a community of believers and from there it spread...

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.  

(Acts 2: 42-47)

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.(Hebrews 10:24 -26)

As I go out into the world so to speak, by God's grace, I am deeply rooted in the spiritual building He allowed me to become part of by serving Him, worshipping and learning together, making the Invisible Christ visible together..

And this is where I return to, to be build up and encouraged, to be spurred on, to be loved, to be ministered to and to minister to others...

Jesus, who gave His life for His bride, the church has this plan for me and for you.... to be part of a community of believers, to worship Him together to seek Him there and on our own in our Secret Place, and from there go out and make disciples... because He came so that we would bring the Good News to them ....to those that have not heard about Him... who alone can bring salvation and a purpose... I love Him and I love the church He has placed me in...