earlier on this trip I had a great conversation with my mother about God, and Jesus and all this kind of "stuff"... for the first time since I have been talking about this with her she asked me this question:"why did God make it so that he would have to send Jesus to die for us, why did he do that? Why did he let the serpent convince Eve and why would he even have made the rule about the tree?"
today after another spectacle of how sin and destruction is lived out in this world that is ruled by the enemy, this comes to mind and it reveals, I believe very clearly where the problem lies...
the root of all sin is pride... pride makes people think they alone know the "right" way, demand they get the best all the time, it gives people a sense of entitlement , a right... so how come this God made these rules... even if it was just one... the nerve ... and sure, if there was a rule, sure it would be broken... rebelliousness, after all, is human nature...
we are the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve... who were, like us, made with the freedom to choose to obey or disobey... they messed it up for us all... then again...we all would have made the same choice..
so today, prayers lifted up for us by many, fervently right here by my sister and I.... we saw the "Bad", the "Dark" at work... namely through one family member.... others did remarkably well, God definitely at work even in the ones that are not His.. clarity has been provided for those that were willing to hear... then there are those that do not want to hear, that are in such darkness they refuse to believe anything that does not fit their agenda.. trust no one and badmouth everyone and turn around anything that is said or done..
hurtful things were said, again, instigated by the one that just was there to wreck havoc...
all in all, because the whole family was present, this meeting was a little more fruitful than they usually are.. but in the end, unless God intervenes and opens eyes, nothing will ever change.
even the "nice times" together now seem fake and there is no guarantee that even the good experiences will not somehow be turned into something negative to talk about... once we will have left..
very painful and sad. I am just not so sure what to do with this... feeling tired and OLD... what I want is to turn away and not even come close enough again to be hurt...
healthy boundaries.. something I have tried to establish for so long, but.. if the other side does not respect it you can establish whatever you want.. the boundaries will always be trampled to the ground ....
there is a scripture that comes to mind in this regard...
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
( Romans 12:17-19)
no revenge is clear, it is more about, after pursuing peace and not accomplishing anything and trying always to do what is right ... will it be okay to withdraw?
anything I can say or do will always be turned around.. and used against me... do I need to stay around?
will need to seek His wisdom... thankfully He says this:
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.... ( James 1:5)
exhausted... really tired....
