it's been a few of these days... precisely 6 days of this actually...
hurt being inflicted, neglect, rejection and all those things that trigger those connections in the brain made in early, early childhood..
the soul, healed from the pain from way back when, taught how to deal with it better by God's Word, finds peace much easier, and that is good.
the body might still want to go into the panic mode and exhibit the same kind of stress related symptoms.... but hopefully even those will subside over time... sometimes I am telling my body to catch up... I am at peace about this... no headaches or gastritis flair ups necessary, thank you very much !!!!!
being able to take the silent treatment rejection, understanding that it's not me who is being rejected, but really what God is wanting to do, I can accept the pain resulting from it as suffering that God allows to accomplish His will,
and...... God has been lavishing some more insight and wisdom on me in regards to that...
( that's cool!!!!! )
so, reading in Ephesians 3: 1-13 this week I saw that I, too, am a steward of God's grace.. yup, like Paul, we all have been given God's grace and now have to be faithful stewards of what has been given to us and give it to others... not new, but just understood on a deeper level maybe?
I can share, be a steward of God's grace,
by forgiving someone's sin,
by being loving, kind, patient,
by being forbearing
also, like in the context of this passage,
I am to speak God's truth to others..
as in share the Good News,
but more than that, speak truth in love...
ha... so, by "just" being willing to forgive, I might allow a loved one to stay in their sin,
maybe being a minister / steward of grace means that I can't just let my love cover over a sin any longer..
when does forbearing become forgiving without repentance from the perpetrator????
when does it become enabling and actually is hindering God from doing what He wants to do?????
so... I have been waiting,
I have been accepting the icy rejection.
I have tried to not take it personally ( this used to make me scream "IT IS PERSONAL" - God has done a lot of work in me, thank you Jesus )
I have communicated my love and my willingness to work on things
and I am waiting.
the punches that are thrown at my heart still inflict pain..
no need to pretend otherwise
because,
there is another new tidbit of truth given to me this morning ( SO AMAZING )
Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church.
(Colossians 1:24)
God really means for the body of Christ, the church, to experience some of the suffering he experienced so that when we proclaim the cross as the way to life, people will see the marks of the cross in us and feel the love of the cross from us. " John Piper
there.
I am:
a receiver of His grace
a steward of His grace
a picture of His grace
in my sufferings I am an example of what He has done for me on the cross - He suffered for my sins
in my sufferings I am an example of how He deals with me - with grace, forgiving and loving.
I don't deserve it
the people that hurt me don't deserve it...
but that's the path that God has laid out for me.
so I am waiting
in His time He makes all things beautiful,
trust Him xo
