... November 26.... 20 years ago my little angel was born... I will never forget how she looked... her mouth was heart shaped... never seen anything like this before... she looked like a precious, fragile porcelain doll...I remember lying in bed the night before afraid, wondering if I could love this second child as much as I loved my firstborn... not understanding that the amount of love in a mother's heart is infinite......... 9 months later I was at my wits end... a sick baby, too sensitive to even tolerate breast milk... fed only by mare's milk ( horse milk.. and no, she does not go "neigh"... like none of the formula fed babies go "moo") anything ever given to her would get a very strong negative reaction right away.. Mare's milk was the only thing she was fine with.. good for developing her brain and body... not good for gaining any weight... little foals must drink so much of it.. felt like I constantly fed her but she only gained 2 pounds from month 2 to month 9...... constant fear that she wouldn't be able to tolerate the mare's milk, what would happen then.... not a Christian then... or just a traditional one, not born again.. lacking the relationship with the Saviour and subsequently the trust and hope in Him..
One day that August I came to a breaking point... I had felt ready to take my baby and jump off the bridge I walked on every day...Praying I told God that I knew that this baby of mine was a gift from Him and if He wanted to take her back it would be okay with me... surrendering my precious child to someone I didn't really know out of the realization I had no control over anything was a big step in the right direction... it was as if a break through was accomplished that day.. slowly my little baby started gaining weight as we were able to add a few more substantial foods to her diet... Today this wonderful little girl turns 20... she is caring and kind... loyal and trustworthy....funny and sweet... healthy and strong.... a very driven and successful University student.. going on to Law school after finishing her degree .... a blessing to me and everyone around her....
I am getting all emotional thinking back and seeing God at work in me through her... allowing difficulty to communicate truth, teaching acceptance and trust... even before revealing Himself to me.... what an amazingly caring Father He is..
the last 18 birthdays my Ex husband was part of the Birthday Celebrations
( and we CELEBRATE!!!!) this is the first year for him not to be around for that... he is not even in the country.....
just another "First".... oh, well, I will be fine but I am lifting my children up to the Healer and Comforter... the One who alone can meet all our needs and bring hope and comfort when there doesn't seem to be any...
so tonite we are going to have a wonderful Birthday dinner for her.... My prayer is that she will feel the love we all have for her and that her heart will be filled to overflowing with not only our love but her Father's in Heaven... the One that will never abandon and forsake, walk away or not care.... the One whose love is so full of mercy and grace, it forgives and embraces us no matter what we have done... I pray that she too will know Him that way.... and I know that only in the turmoil we really experience these amazing truths.... Thank You Lord for my daughter and Thank You Lord for loving her even more than I do... which by the way is something I cannot get my head around either... seems impossible ;)
