if that wasn't the case I would have to explore the following:
most of us would agree that the best thing about a broken marriage is that there is a child now that otherwise wouldn't have been there...
then again, here comes my experience, without ever so much questioning the truth of this statement...if there wasn't a child, breaking up would be so much easier...
I have been exposed to more "visible signs" that I and my time with my Ex husband, not an insignificant amount of time either, 17 1/2 years, has been ERASED completely, than I care for... I have been REPLACED and I might as well have dropped right off the face of the earth because: there is no more evidence around... oh, right, my kids, well, they somehow exist but tada.... they must have come out of thin air... wow...
it hurts, I have to admit, it does...
today, even though I know that God is sovereign, I also know that He loves me and my kids, I know that I am not insignificant and that the last 20 years of my life have had some kind of impact... I am kind of sick of all of this..
so. no uplifting conclusion, just me, I do exist, maybe not in the "history books" of my Ex's family... I have been replaced, down to the smallest detail.... I AM the mother of my children and I am the one who has and still is bringing them up by God's grace, I WAS the wife at my husband's side who supported and strengthened him in times when the going was tough, I was there when decisions were made, problems were dealt with and difficult times were lived through..I was there in the fun and the good times ... was I?
it sucks... it does... and it has nothing to do with new happiness that can be found now or anything like that...
it is just not nice and I am not wishing that on anyone, still, even there I do not even have a say and have to see it happen to someone very dear..
I know that God is in control, and that is a good thing, I know that He is ultimately not going to let anyone off the hook, even when it might look like that right now...
so sorry.... I can't wait for the dust of the last few weeks to settle..... I do really just want to be lifted out of this... please????
... and, yes, I know that this is nothing compared to other most horrific stuff going on everywhere... so forgive me for complaining... I will get over this too...
oh, and before I forget, I am tremendously blessed to have my daughters...and all of my friends... I am blessed to have a longing for heaven and know that I am going to be there one day and that there all the brokenness will be restored.. I am blessed to have a friend like Jesus... after all, He even died for me... my name is engraved in the palm of my Father's hand... He will never forget or erase me.. replace me or anything like that...
dang, He just won't let me wallow... He always comes through, even on a day like today....
okay... thank you Lord... you are the bestest!!!!!!!!!
