What love is this... that He would love us so much to send His son to this Earth... to be born as a little baby, fully human and fully God... the perfect sacrifice... to pay for our sins...
So today is a very special day... a day to reflect, a day to remember, a day to share with family and friends.. this morning, driving down very familiar streets I was listening to one of my favorite songs by Michael and again, like pretty much every day lately I cried... I am grieving, deep, deep hurt in my heart...
Thinking about last Christmas, thinking about the Christmases in the past... we lost so much... no matter that for one year now we have had less tension and more peace in our house..... my children lost more than me, their foundation, their security, their family was lost.. what I lost is different, substantial as well, but in a very different way...I lost commitment and loyalty... I lost trust and protection... I had lost love long before this, not sure if I ever had it...
I know that I am repeating myself... I am also not quite understanding why this is so hard to get over... days like today are especially difficult...
Thinking once again about the fact that God created us in His image and that these things I lost are what He is all about... commitment, unconditional love, loyalty and faithfulness.... honesty and integrity...
So maybe it is not that surprising that a year later the wounds have not healed much... that the gaping wounds that were inflicted by ripping apart something that had become one by God's design are still hurting so much...
On a day like today I am also reflecting on the blessings... thanking Him for bringing us where we are now... thanking Him for my children... an unending fountain of joy, thanking Him for loving me like my husband never did, faithfully and everlasting.. understanding and accepting... surrounding me with people that love me like this... embracing us with strong and comforting arms... never to let go...
This evening, the church service where we will give thanks and glory to Jesus is a good way to start our celebration together... this evening we will enjoy each others company, by God's grace we will be able to bless one another and communicate our commitment and love and loyalty to each other... one will be missing... one that is missing out... even though he might never realize it.. but the One that this evening is all about...He is going to be there with us... we will acknowledge His presence and thank Him, because He is Heaven's present to us..
For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
He is my Prince... He is the Lover of my Soul.... He is my All and All.....
