Last post: one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead

I started blogging in June 2010.. I have had 24,700 page views on here, from all over the world ..
God has used the blogging, or "public journaling" to guide me through the last 2 years, a time of deep sadness and turmoil..
I am marking this day as the day I have officially felt released from the journey through this last valley..
I am aware that God in His love for me will continue to allow difficulties to shape me and refine me, make me more like Him, but I needed to acknowledge that I am no longer defining myself as the woman who is going through the turmoil caused by her tragic marriage break up, the woman, who so never, ever wanted to get divorced again (now that she had found out it was against God's will ), who never wanted it for her kids and who was betrayed and abandoned..
this is my past, thanks to God I have been healed, there are scars, but no more open wounds.. there will always be moments of sadness but I am NOT defined by those..
I am a child of God, a grateful follower of Jesus Christ, someone who knows and accepts that in this world we will have troubles, and I  know that my Jesus has overcome the world : For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I am His daughter, the daughter of the King, chosen, adopted and loved eternally..

so there.. this is why I have started a new blog:
www.beyondtheturmoil2301.blogspot.com  Beyond the Turmoil : A Tender Reed He will not Break!!!!
Hope to see y'all there :)

...life threatening situations.. He makes all things beautiful !

feeling a little bit better but still pretty beaten up, I was just reminded that our life here on earth is troublesome and full of sickness, sadness and difficulty.. we are withering away and our time here is short.. we are like a vapour..

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

( James 4:13-14)

just added another person to my acute cancer prayer list, making it 6 at the moment..
praying for my parents salvation and health, my mother ignoring her health problems and putting herself in danger of dying of a heart attack without a hospital in adequate proximity..
praying for family issues to be resolved and peace to be restored, praying for wisdom and guidance for myself and my children, for healing and protection ...
our days are numbered and each of them have been written in the book of life... our loving Father in Heaven cares for us and wants to meet us in those difficult times..
I have experienced His comfort often and so I am asking Him to grant the family members of those facing the reality of cancer and other life threatening illnesses the same comfort...
I know that He can envelope us in an embrace so warm and soft it allows the tears of grief and fear and sadness to flow freely, knowing that He has all our lives in His capable hands..
visited today by beloved, caring people, I felt His love... I am thankful.. what would we all do without Him, our Heavenly Father, who loves us more than anyone ever will?
lifting up those around me before His throne, knowing that He will make all things beautiful in His time!

In His time, In His Time

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Lord please show me every day

As your teaching me Your way

That You do just what You say 

In Your time.

In Your time, In Your Time

You make all things beautiful in Your time.

Lord my life to You I bring 

May each song I have to sing

Be to you a lovely thing 

In Your time.

..growing pains.. or "going through the middle"

sitting on my couch, icepack on my head, trying to recover from "major dental surgery" I thought it would be fun to share another little Cruise tidbit with y'all :)
last port before arriving in Boston was Bar Harbour, Maine.. the coast of Maine has been on my list of places I would like to visit for some time so I booked an excursion that sounded interesting..
Cadillac mountain was beautiful with picturesque views of the stunning coast line of Maine, second stop on this excursion was the Oceanarium... the lobster museum to be precise..
other than the fact that the owner and guide was a Christian who was delighted to have a group of believers as his visitors, him sharing some pretty cool stories of how God has used him to witness to other tourists, him praying for us at the end.. he also gave us some very surprising information about lobsters..
learned that lobsters live 50-100 years, that Maine Lobstermen put female lobsters back into the water so that they can continue to have thousands of lobster babies :)
the most amazing fact though was this: lobsters shed their shell, 25 times a year in the first few years of their lives and once a year or even only every 3-4 years when they are older...
an enzyme makes the shell and the connective points softer and it takes lobsters about 15 minutes to half an hour to get out of their  shell, while "molting"  they absorb water which makes them grow about 20 % of their size... for 6-8 weeks their new shell is too soft to protect them from their predators and so they stay hidden away, bury themselves in mud and eat voraciously, often eating their old shell because of the minerals it contains..

amazed at the detail in God's Creation, seems funny to me that some people would think some big bang and random selection would be able to create something that perfectly put together..
what struck me most was that in order to grow, lobsters have to shed the old, ( I am sure the shedding / molting is not an easy task...) that it leaves them vulnerable for a time and they hide away, feeding on what gives them strength to emerge bigger and stronger in the end...
sounds familiar? sounds to me like the growing times the Lord has for us.. painful, shedding something old, in order to be changed, retreating during the vulnerable times and hiding in His arms, being nurtured and emerging stronger and wiser...

always have loved lobster... eating lobster that is.. oopsies.. but I really appreciate them now, after meeting the old Christian Lobsterman from Maine.. so blessed to have met him, another little tidbit my Jesus had for me.. thought I'd share this.. :)

.. dental surgery and a HUGE loss :(

today has been a very sad day... I forgot to tell someone something, and then it was too late...
this morning I took 2 "Dopey" pills to be sedated for my dental surgery... no fun, still felt too much of the pulling and drilling for my taste but wasn't awake enough to tell the dental surgeon something...
you see, two of the three teeth he pulled before drilling the six implants into my jaw bone ( :S )
have been with me for 46 and a half years... yes, they were my baby canine teeth.... and I would have liked to take them home... my friend Cindy suggested I should put them under my pillow and I thought I could have expected a nice cheque the next morning... after all there was no tooth fairy around, when I was little over there in Germany..
but all jokes aside I thought I would have liked to have kept them...
they were good friends to me these tiny little things... served me well, and I would have liked to give them a place of honour in my jewellery box... I might have even put them in the box I keep all my kid's little baby teeth in... ( shhhh, don't tell them or they will know there is no tooth fairy )
anyways... in a daze most of the day and in quite some pain, no fun... today must also have been the hottest day, and somehow my little AC had no chance, it was steaming hot all day... or maybe it only felt like that to me.... in my daze.....
feeling rather raw and achy I was just feeling a little sorry for myself... but I have no one to blame but my father :) whose genes made me miss 12 out of my 32 grown up teeth... and myself, for finally wanting to be done with partials and other fake things in my mouth...
"wer schön sein will, muss leiden" my mother always said... there is suffering involved with being made beautiful... oh well....
true for beauty outside and inside, as I am well acquainted with ... I shall take another painkiller and try to sleep... ttfn...

.. guard your heart and remain faithful to your wife...

home again, laundry done and ready for a new week.. church today.. learned something again on this Cruise... I am immensely blessed to be part of a church whose leadership are godly and humble people, committed to living according to the Word... we definitely are blessed richly, and even though, for that reason, Satan has tried to wreck havoc many times in the last 8 years or so, the church is going forward, and the gates of hell are being pushed back.. authenticity and truth and love are alive at Georgetown Alliance Church .. Praise God!!!

okay.. so, the reading of the scripture from today, Malachi 2:10-16 made me a bit weepy.. a wave of sadness was triggered for sure.. this is what it says:

Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure.  You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

the reason for marriage? godly offspring... the wife being overwhelmed by the cruelty of divorce..  the effect on the children... sad.. and true... 

something I have been hearing from my Lord... I know how much I contributed to my marriage not being the way it should have been.. I did strive to obey God and I learned a lot.. commitment for me was never an issue... what He has been doing in my life for the last two and a half years has been incredible... I am going to have to rest in His will and be content in all circumstances... the last week was great, and even though there were moments when the fact that the bigger part of the Cruisers were married couples made me feel sad and alone, the blessing of it all was far bigger....

for the sake of the future of Christ's Church I am praying that my children will turn out to be godly women, despite the heartache they had to endure, to in turn make wise decisions, guided by their commitment to the Lord, and one day have godly, committed husbands and godly offspring.. ( looking forward to spoiling those little munchkins )

@michaelwsmith and friends cruise.. starting to reflect..

..at the airport in Boston.. Logan Airport... did not even take 15 minutes to get here from the Cruise Terminal... waiting for the plane that is taking us back to Toronto I am reflecting on the last week...
over the last year or so a new level of awareness has slowly been settling in..
more and more moments of contentment and deep joy.. surprising at first, new last summer, the realization that so much tension and stress had left me.. the threatening thunder clouds had disappeared and I was slowly relaxing, allowing myself to feel safe in my circumstances, because my Father in Heaven had kept me safe in the most violent storm of my life, I started trusting Him for whatever would come my way..
ok. so long story short.. this time on the Michael W Smith and Friends Cruise a new level of this awareness has come to my attention....
in my life I have never ever enjoyed such all around blessing, and was just able to just take it in..
in a far different place, thanks to God, than on the last Cruise with Michael, back then my heart and soul were just so raw and in such pain that God just really met me in this broken place.. took most of my capacity to process and enjoy... meaningful and needed it was a tremendous blessing..
this time, healed in many ways and content and filled with joy, I was able to take in all aspects of what a Cruise like this offers..
connecting with friends, amazing and uplifting concerts and teaching, beautiful ports and beautiful weather, great food and just the luxury of having everything right at your fingertips was amazing..
I am thanking God for allowing me to be able to just take it in and enjoy it like this, I am in awe that He would bless me this way..


without wanting to offend anyone I have vacationed with before, I have never ever experienced such an amazing trip before..
the FAITHFUL, CONSISTENT and TENDER LOVE of my Father in Heaven has proven to me, in the worst storm of my life so far, that He has me in a very safe place.. no matter what will come my way

for the tension filled, scared child that never could be sure if there wasn't another thunderstorm showing up , out of the blue, no warning, for the woman that had basically lived this way for most of her life, it seems like a miracle to be able to trust enough to come out of her shell .. amazing..

I didn't think I would be able to , but with Him, I could.. who would have thought that.. not me, that's for sure...

Praise be to God, and Him alone!!!!

@michaelwsmith Cruise blessings.. and yet..

days have been early and nights have been long...getting up at 6 to go to the 7 am Devotions..
many things being affirmed but no new exciting message from the Lord.. yet anyways..
my reading, not that much I am hearing this week either, but there was something I read last night, a verse from a Psalm that touched me, so here I am, meditating on Psalm 63.

O God, you are my God;
    

I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
   

 my whole body longs for you 
in this parched and weary land
    

where there is no water.

I have seen you in your sanctuary
   

 and gazed upon your power and glory.

Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
    

how I praise you!

 I will praise you as long as I live,
    

lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
    

I will praise you with songs of joy.

I lie awake thinking of you,
   

 meditating on you through the night.

 Because you are my helper,
    

I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.

 I cling to you;
    

your strong right hand holds me securely.

my soul thirsts, in this dry and weary land.. even when surrounded by so many “good things” my soul is not satisfied.. because I have seen Him in His sanctuary, I know Him in all His splendor and majesty, in His tenderness and compassion, in His power and and His unfathomable glory... I know that only His unfailing love will ever satisfy..
knowing this leads to unending praise.. and devotion.. investing in my relationship with Him is worth more than anything this world has to offer...

great concert last night with Jeremy Camp.. two Michael only concerts, a concert by Audrey Assad, such a special, young, Christian artist, and of course L’ Angelus everywhere .... they are such a refreshing delight... 5 days into the Cruise every aspect of it has been amazing... and yet.. He is who my soul thirsts for..
because He has helped me indeed, in the moments when hurt, pain and disappointment strike, when the brokenness of a sinful world hits you..because He holds me securely in the shadow of His wings, my love for Him knows no end.
all He wants from me to trust Him and to obey Him..... I will spend every moment of this life drawing near to Him, trying with His help to please Him.. I love Him because He first loved me... AMAZING GRACE.....

@michaelwsmith the question and the answer :)

so the question... the one I got to ask at the “former Cruisers” session...
( so great I got chosen again, I guess it helps to know the guy handing out the microphone.. ;)

my question really was for Debbie, who I had seen the day before, head down, trying to walk through the Lido Deck Restaurant without being noticed..
she was supposed to be at this session too... didn’t show up, so I asked Michael..

my question was, how much it costs to be so in the spotlight.. I told him that since I had been so touched by His music, because of how God has used him in my life, I have learned so much about him and his family that I feel since I like them, they would like me too and I really think we should be friends  ;) .. at the same time I respect their privacy.. but still would love, as everyone on this cruise.. to meet them....
Michael was very gracious, as always, and answered that it is really not that bad, he can walk around even on his own street without people making a big fuss about him.. and that He liked to hear from his fans and liked to meet us :) ( he is just far too nice)

so, “great” , I said, “so then we can be friends”.. and he answered, “we are friends already!!!”

the next day we had the picture opportunity and, what can I say, I was first in line.. ( didn’t wait longer than those that took their time to come... they just had to wait to get their turn as much as I had)
getting my moment with MWS he said,”I remember you..” I said,” yeah, we are friends” and we “High fived”... so kind.. anyways.. that was the personal interaction..

then, in the evening.. there he was with his daughter Whitney and little Smith... waving to me.. his friend.. right there in the hallway.. I guess it helps to have the stateroom on the same level :)

for all those that think I am a little over the top, everyone on this Cruise feels the same way, God is using this man in amazing ways, everyone here has a story to tell, and we are not putting him up on a pedestal, he is the first to always point everyone to God..
he and his family are just so authentic and down to earth, while blessing so many..
so for someone with a dysfunctional past like me , seeing them makes me hope and believe a little more that in God’s strength and grace with the chains broken I and my children can break free and establish a Christian legacy of forgiveness, grace and love..
and all the Glory is God’s alone! #SoliDeoGloria

... @michaelwsmith Cruise.. AMAZING!!!!

Monday night.. somewhere on the way to Prince Edward Island.. this Cruise has been amazing so far..
so different this time than 2 years ago... reflecting a lot how good God has been so good to me..
back then, flying to Seattle all by myself, I wondered if I was out of my mind to do something like that.. it turned out to be exactly what Jesus, the Physician and Healer of the heart and soul had prescribed...

this time, flying to Montreal by myself, friends were awaiting my arrival... :)
boarding the Cruise ship the next morning was so exciting.. what a difference..
concerts, devotions and many meals later, and many more of all of the above to come I am feeling so blessed..

2 wonderful women sharing the table with us, so very blessed to have met them, all the young artists on the ship so humble and fun at the same time...
beautiful scenery, amazing friends, great food and entertainment and meeting Michael, his daughter Whitney and Grandson Smith in the hallway, just like that.. can it be anymore exciting than that???

meeting so many people from all over the place, two extra special get togethers with MWS... many more concerts to come.. it for sure is a week of somewhere between heaven and earth... almost a little unreal....

spending my time with my Lord I am blown away by His goodness and grace..
one of the new friends on our table told me she enjoyed that I was so vivacious and outgoing.. funny, because I distinctly have heard my Lord tell me to ask Him to become more quiet and gentle.. :)

left my “baby” Hope for Life behind and have felt guilty about it.. praying the day of my departure that I was leaving the Center in His hands I received an email from my partner a short while later that the Lord had just told her she needed to be at the Center each day... isn’t He just so amazing???

safe in His hands, near to His heart I am enjoying the week of blessing...praising Him with hands and heart lifted high.. to Him alone be the Glory!!

... embarking on the journey.. :)

ready to go, all packed and prepared for the week away I am able to enjoy... my heart open in anticipation of what my Jesus has for me this week..
in the safe and intimate place in my heart where I honour Him as Lord, this is what He has been saying to me...
to be the woman, whose adornment is the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious... to be that wife to the Lord, my maker who is my husband.. to be devoted to Him , respect Him and submit to Him, to trust Him and love Him and to be there for Him, always.. this is my focus today and for the future...
I have far to go to be that way and, having had two chances at being a wife like this before, and blowing it, I will be blessed beyond measure to one day maybe be this kind of wife to a man after God's own heart..
but today I am embarking on a little journey.. blessed beyond all I could ever ask for..
My Jesus is soooo good to me.. I shall praise Him now and forever more, Amen

tell me you love me... over and over without end..

in this morning's time with my Lord He impressed this verse upon my heart..

"but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy" ( 1 Peter 3:15 )

this struck me in a very different way than one would expect.. 

listening to Annie Herring, another song had gotten my attention these last few days.. it's called :

            

Over and Over..

tell me you love me, 

say it again, 

for I'm no good without your love

tell me you love me

say it again

over and over, over and over, over and over

without end

I know we will face hard times 

when the sun will not shine,

and it is through those hard times 

that I need to know you are mine...

and I won't let the sun go down, 

without saying to you

over and over, over and over, over and over 

I love you

I freely give you my heart,

my lover and friend

over and over, over and over, over and over 

without end

the verse, it made me think of how in my heart, in the secret place of intimacy and vulnerability He wants me to honour Him as holy.. as in cherish Him, the closeness and who He is...

this was precious and special... the song resonated with my soul, realizing that I need to hear Him over and over telling me how much He loves me.. but if I do not go to that secret place with Him, if I do not immerse myself in His Word, if I do not have that special time with the Lord, who I am regarding and honouring as holy /  most important / my 1st priority, I am not going to hear Him saying it to me over and over...

not wanting to go with my feelings alone about this, I  just did a little searching.. all cross references of most versions only pointed to the second part of the verse.. so I just looked how different translations have taken a little bit of a different view of this verse..

• you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. 
• but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, 
• but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, 
• through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. 
• set Christ apart as holy in your heart
• honour Christ and let him be the Lord of your life.
• simply concentrate on being completely devoted to Christ in your hearts.
• But make sure in your hearts that Christ is Lord
• Your heart should be holy and set apart for the Lord God

I think I will go with what He impressed upon my heart this morning... that I am to honour Him, the closeness I have, by cherishing it, and making it my highest priority.. that from that will flow what the 2nd part of the verse says:  "always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect..."

sounds like a plan...

..Transformation... quiet and gentle ..

t'was a nice day today.. so blessed by one of our Care Closet client's bringing me a freshly baked Banana Bread... because I am "so sweet"... so very kind of her..
things are moving along with the house Hope for Life is going to move into... God is blessing us and arranging things left, right and centre...
 a sweet, sweet friend indulged my craziness by making a "Fourth of July American Cake" for me and coming over for dinner and a movie.. she even was adequately impressed with my attempt at decorating.. ha..
this morning, when spending time with my God, pondering His Words to me from 1 Peter Chapter 2 I came away with the challenge to become more gentle, humble and quiet..
too bad there is not a CT Scan or something to measure the transformation taking place in one's heart and soul over time..
looking at those whose genes were combined to create me, the environment I grew up in, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He indeed has refined me.. and He is not done yet...
quite amazing actually, the changes that have happened.. makes me rejoice to think that no one is stuck where he or she is..
I  indeed am a new creation, the old has gone.. with the Holy Spirit residing in my soul, His fruit is growing and it is manifested in how I deal with every day life...
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22+23)
more quiet and gentle, more humble... hmmmmm... looking to Him for the power to change even more.. I know He will provide ..
 I always pray with joy  because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now,  being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ( Philippians 5:4-6)
a gentle and quiet spirit.... my heart's desire....

.. 4th of July and 3 more sleeps :)

4th of July... it's hot and sticky here in Ontario.. I am having my own little "Independence Day Party" today.. thankfully I could find some red, white and blue stars and streamers and stuff to decorate right here and didn't have to drive all the way to Buffalo for it..  :P
what a day.. had a nice treatment first thing by the world's best Osteopath... a meeting with some people representing the reality of our postmodern world.. praying while listening to them, I hope I represented the Lord well..

surprise meeting with one of our pregnant girls, who came even though she was kind of told to lay low.. she is due in 2 weeks.. always so nice to meet with her and see how serious she is about being a good and well prepared mom.. happy to bless a mother of 4 months old twins with diapers, formula and some clothes.. always freely handing out His love..
it is so good to be back at Hope for Life.. being sick and sad was just not a good combination at all...
another day at the Center tomorrow and then I am off to the Cruise.. booked this I think in February of last year.. yes..  as a former Cruiser I could do it earlier than others and I even got a free Cruise jacket for it... how cool is that..
so it is finally here.. thinking back two years ago when I was heading to Seattle all by myself, stayed in a Hotel all by myself, got on the Cruise all by myself... so very broken and alone.. I am praising God for where He has brought me.. meeting with one friend I met on the last Cruise in Montreal and sharing a room at the hotel, meeting another friend I met on the Cruise on the ship.. and then finally meet a few of those very nice fellow fans I have connected with over the last 2 years..
there is a Meet and Greet right before the Dinner and then there is the Welcome on Board Event...
a L'Angelus Concert at 11:00 pm right where the "Single Cruiser Gathering" is.. ha... maybe I will go to that this time..
action packed week, with Michael W Smith Worship Night, Jeremy Camp Concert and all kinds of other cool stuff.. looking forward to the Devotions.. 7:00 am, bright and early.. a great way to start the day...
expecting great blessing again this time.. thankful to be able to do this.. my God is an awesome God..

.. sailing.... into the light with Him...

living in the shadows,

letting fear enter into my mind,

not looking upwards

I go half-blind

you think I'd have learned my lesson,

for the floor falls right through

every time I take my eyes off You

for You are, You are the only light I need

You are , You are the lamp unto my feet

 and You are, You are the bright morning star 

that shines for me

shadows come when night starts falling

illumination fades away

but there is no shadow of turning

You will always be there for me

shining through the shadows

letting faith enter into my mind

when I look upwards

it's You I find

Holding on to my heart

holding on straight and true

every time I keep my eyes on You

 for You are.. you are the only light I need.....

( You are, Annie Herring)

some significant time with my friend this morning..  hearing from Him and telling Him all I am feeling right now.. I surrendered the hope I thought I had found a few weeks ago.. He told me that I had to do this every day for as long as it would take until my hope was in Him alone again..

wondering how I can keep myself from taking my eyes off Him, when I prayed the whole time that I wouldn't.. and failed anyways..

accepting that He is the One to call  ALL  the shots.. even more than I had allowed Him before.. oh the journey, wish I could just get it figured out a little faster.. it is all about trusting more and more... know that, but cannot fast forward through this becoming part of my make up.. 

letting go of the "don't I deserve that relationship you have for me now, considering how much I have gone through" self pity party-entitlement attitude..

I have all I could ever want... my "man" is not a shabby one... He is strong, actually all powerful!!! considerate and the most caring... He knows me like no one ever will and He gave His life for me.. He rejoices over every corner I turn on my journey..  over every little inch I come closer to where He so desires for me to be... with Him, always..

I know that all the desires of my heart will be met... when the time is right... in His time, He will make beautiful all things.... thank you for your patience with me.. I love you!

.. A Fib and a blood clot.. MORE days in the hospital..

something is wrong with my fancy PeakSaver Thermostat.. and it is HOT outside.. potential issue that will need looking into...
more important issue  is that my mother has been in hospital again, since the weekend and still is...
A fib, caused by, as we know now, thanks to the catheter that was put into her heart on Friday, a blood clot that is too big ( and she is too weak, with a pulse of 200 )  to "blast" , and therefore has to be "destroyed" with medication.. which needs to be closely monitored because of the danger of it causing a heart attack.. wow..
plans for the summer vacation in Corsica might have been thwarted again this year, since this can take up to 4 weeks..

In his heart a man plans his course,

    but the Lord determines his steps.

 (Proverbs 16:9)

hard to accept I am sure for someone who has been very independent and has seemingly "called the shots" for such a long time..

aging is a scary thing.. very scary when you don't have a strong foundation in your faith in Jesus Christ.. this is what I put my hope in:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

will never cease praying that my proud mother will soon bend her knee to the King of Kings and lay down the burdens of her heart, that she will acknowledge her need for a Saviour and accept Him as Lord.. this is what He says:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

(Matthew 11: 28-30)