..waiting... what do you mean????

Waiting on the Lord... it comes up again and again.... scriptures, devotions, blogs, tweets, conversations, songs... I guess it's something the Lord wants to point out to me..hmmmmm

Patience.. but not only this,
Trusting...
Waiting meaning what? Doing nothing? Serving while I am waiting?
What exactly is it I am waiting for?
For the Lord's plan to unfold... am I waiting for Him to bring about what I am asking Him for?
Waiting for my "order" to be delivered?
Waiting to find out if my desires and wishes line up with what He has for me?
Why waiting?
For the time to be right?

Is it maybe that waiting on the Lord means resting in His presence?
By serving while waiting getting to know Him better?
Waiting and growing in the knowledge of Him..
Waiting and through drawing closer to Him His priorities become mine?
Him filling my voids, showering me with Himself and all of a sudden what I thought I was waiting for doesn't even matter anymore?

Maybe I am challenged to take my eyes off my wants and dreams and fix them on Him?
Be still and know that HE is God and that is all I need?
Might it be this????

Just a thought......

..letting go...

...another emotional day...after 3 days of learning about what women deal with after an abortion, this morning at RENEW  ( the Women's Bible Study at my church) I  "officially" passed  on the baton of the ministry that I had been heading up for 10 years.

Stepping down was my decision, one that I felt was necessary after all the changes in my life..the new path that I feel God is calling me to follow...

But then again, walking in there and not being the one in charge making sure everything is working the way it should...weird.... didn't quite like it.

Ten years is a very long time... giving up something that has been part of my "Normal" for so long is hard, harder than I thought... actually, right now, I am VERY sad, it seems this is another loss..... too many of those lately.

Had lunch afterwards with a great friend, and since we never get to spend any time together I basically gave her the story of the last 9 months..

As I was telling her of all the losses  I have suffered I realized that I should not be surprised that I am still so very, very fragile... basically, in regards to family, I lost pretty much everyone, but my kids. 

We need to grieve the losses, I learned ... allow the sadness, the anger, work through them and let them go...

The sense of betrayal that is connected to them makes it even more difficult for me... this really shouldn't be like this... I know that the sadness will never fully go away...

Coming back to today.. I am loosening my grasp... some of this loosening others violently made happen, against my will, loosening the grasp today, was what I needed to do, obediently following where God is leading me..

I am glad that I have gotten to know my Daddy in Heaven quite well over the last 16 years and that this is what I firmly believe:

Sometimes faith may feel blind, the dance unsure, as He takes the lead. But through it all, we must listen to the whisper that says, "Trust me."

And that is what with His help I will do, one step at a time....