That made me think about all that has happened and how I got to where I am today....
I have mentioned before that I have been on a Christian Dating Website or two a few months ago, ( not in a while.... ;) I know, wrong, but at the time it was a very great need to know that someone would be interested in me...pathetic but like they all say, a normal response to the rejection and loss I experienced) anyways, what I wanted to say was on there, everyone makes it very clear that they are only interested in a partner that is "emotionally healthy"...hah...
So, as I am thinking about how God has prepared me for the purpose He has for the next phase in my life, I am wondering if that means I will really never be able to be in a relationship again... because, let me say this, what these men are looking for, I am for sure not...
I have had my fair share of bad stuff in my life, some self inflicted, some not.
Fearful of an absent and volatile father and his outbursts, a sense of worthlessness because of his indifference, criticism and favoritism, someone ( a family friend) abusing his position of respect and authority in my life to sexually molest me, a first boyfriend and an unwanted pregnancy ending in an abortion, which catapulted me into a depression, that ( the need to find out if I could have a baby at all) and some occurrences in my family drove me to find security in a marriage far to early which had no chance because of my immaturity and lack of commitment. Jumping into the next relationship, now with two little children, on the rebound led to the 17 1/2 years of despair and difficulty that finally ended in December of last year with my husband walking out on us after cheating on me....
Emotionally healthy....hmmm, healed, by God's grace and healing power, letting me deal with one issue after the other, yes, restored and refined, yes...all healed though? I am not sure...so, no luck for me.....
The good part is that in the last 16 years I have not only been healed and restored, but I have also come to know my Maker and my Saviour, amazingly He is in the process of transforming me into His likeness and truly has prepared me to be a compassionate woman with a heart full of love and understanding to extend to women that are going or have gone through similar circumstances and also someone who has learned to be a godly wife and how to respect and love her husband. I have learned to forgive and it is easy for me, because after all, she who has been forgiven much is so much more willing and able to forgive...
I know that I am a sinner, lost without the saving grace of my Jesus dying on the cross for me, my heart is filled with gratitude and love for Him and for all His children. I have nothing to offer but my life and I am laying it down at the cross, He has redeemed me, I am His.
So what am I? I am a broken vessel willing to let God use me...for His glory ..... I am rejoicing in the fact that He does .... what a blessing....so, really, I need no "luck" with guys on some websites, I am the daughter of the King, and, you know what? He loves me!
