.. created for His purpose!!!!...

a beautiful day today... a little breeze, not hot but warm.. perfect..

saw a client this morning that warms my heart.. so proud of her.. 

noticed something on my blog... (you know that I can see from where and with what kind of browser and operating system you are accessing my blog? ... :) what the traffic source is and the Search Keywords?.. big "brother is watching you" :P )
anyways.. made me google my name and see what shows up now... and there it was.. the birth and death record of a Miriam Rehfeldt... born Jan 1, 1903 in Ann Arbor, Michigan.... died there in  September 1966...
now... if my name was Anne Smith, or Mary Brown... I wouldn't be surprised that there are oodles with the same name..
but Miriam Rehfeldt... really?  so it is amazing that there has been one, and she lived in Michigan.. find it very intriguing and maybe it is not... but I thought so..

to think that God had me Miriam, born in Germany, come to Canada, marry a "Rehfeldt" and live in Ontario... and that 2 years after I was born this other Miriam Rehfeldt passed away.. after living for 63 years...  I want to know.. was she a believer? was she married, did she have children?

is there any significance to me finding this out? or is it just an interesting fact?
well, I know that my God will make this clear.. someway or another, He is like that.. one reason I love Him so much.. He cares so much about every detail of our lives..

this is what the Lord said to Jeremiah:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” ( Jeremiah 1 :5)

before He formed Miriam Rehfeldt from Ann Arbor Michigan in the womb of her mother, He knew her, He had a purpose for her life... before I, Miriam Rehfeldt from Wittendorf, Germany was formed in the womb of my mother, He knew me, He knew the number of hairs on my head, he knitted me together and He prepared the things He had for me to do.. He knew how He would use me, what purpose He would give me ....

He has many ways to make me feel loved... this definitely is a big one..
Bless His Holy Name, oh my soul, I shall forever serve Him!
Maybe I will meet the other Miriam Rehfeldt in Heaven one day... now wouldn't that just be cool ;)

..crowned with steadfast love and mercy... no matter the stings of reality

she will have no fear of bad news

her heart is steadfast

trusting in the Lord

her heart is secure

she will have no fear

in the end she will look in triumph

over her  foes

Psalm 112 7-8

from being a fearful little girl to being a woman like described in these verses... Hallelujah.. Only the God of the Universe, the Mighty God, the Father who sent His Son to redeem those He had chosen before the beginning of the world, only He could have brought about this kind of a transformation..

TRUST.... when things get tough, when your worst nightmare becomes reality... it is then we need by faith focus on where God will bring us, trusting in His Goodness, rather than just imagining ( and experiencing) all the bad we can by His strength look to where this faithful Father we have in Heaven will have us on the "flip side"... when we come out of the valley of death...

it is He

who redeems me from the pit

who crowns me with steadfast love and mercy

who satisfies me with good

so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's

tomorrow my first little baby, my beloved Louisa will turn 24... I will not see her on her birthday.. this is the first time in 24 years..  realizing she is a grown woman and work is what takes her too far to go and visit her, and accepting that, I am still saddened that if my marriage was still intact I would be with her tomorrow... instead she will be with the one who walked away and his new wife...

realities like that will always be and have been those stings, those consequences that remain to bring pain even though I have arrived on the "flip side" months ago..

but my Lord

shows compassion to those who revere and follow Him...

He, who makes me smile.. He who warms my heart and because:

for as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is His steadfast love toward

those that obey Him and surrender their lives to Him

His steadfast love is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him

and His righteousness to my children's children

Psalm 103

... it's all good... because God is GOOOD all the time!! Praise His Holy Name, oh my soul!!!

.. no more sorrow or pain in heaven....

today, when we finally finished our study of the book "So long, Insecurity, you have been a bad friend" we talked long about how when we trust God, not Him answering our prayers and preventing all we are afraid of,  but trust in Him, we really are able to leave our fears and insecurities behind..
talking about the trials we face, we remembered a Sermon series by James Mc Donald we had watched almost 2 years ago, where he points out that as children of God, He, God, is so committed to refine us and make us better that if there isn't a trial around the next corner ( and they don't always have to be big ) we might have to question if we are really God's children..
shared in my Small Group tonite that I have never have felt that great, at peace and full of joy than I have  for the last little while...
in bed an hour later my daughter calls "Mama" in this terrified tone of voice that I do not hear very often from her...

turns out she saw on my sister's status on fb that my mother's little doggie, Bello, a Jack Russel had died yesterday...
have to admit that this has sent my heart into a tailspin... real sorrow and pain for what my mother must be going through right now... this little puppy dog has been her one consistent delight for  the last 17 years..
when waking up from her coma last year her first few words were.. "no wonder I almost died, I didn't want to live anymore because Bello was dead"...
we were able to bring him to her then and she was so relieved to find out that this was just one of the drug induced nightmares she had while in the coma...
so now it has finally happened... little Bello has passed away...
I am not sure how she will be dealing with this.. so sad once again that there is such a distance between us.. good news is that my parents are going to come here on Friday...
he was "just" a dog... but when this dog is your most loving and permanent companion, you have been his caregiver for 17 years, losing him is not a piece of cake...
I believe strongly that all dogs go to heaven and that we will one day see him again.. maybe God is going to use this loss in the life of my mother to open her eyes to her need to be sure of her own destination when the day comes..
rejoicing that because of the death and resurrection of Christ, my Saviour I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will be in heaven one day.. no more tears and no more Good byes.. no more losses and no more pain... looking forward to it...

May 17,2012.. my 3rd "not anymore Wedding Anniversary"

today is May 17... it is my mother's Birthday, she is turning 72 today.
today is May 17.. it used to be my Wedding Anniversary... now it has become my "not anymore Wedding Anniversary" and it is happening for the third time today..

2 years ago this was a very, very sad day, today it still is a sad day for the fact that something that had been joined together by God and was not supposed to be broken by us does no longer exist..


today, one day short of the 2 year 5 months anniversary of my husband walking away from his promise and commitment I am taking a moment to look back and evaluate..

the consequences of his sin are clearer today than they have been before. the consequences it has brought to my personal life, to my children's lives ...

looking back, what stands out though is, that through it all, Jesus has been there... that I have learned to accept suffering as part of life even more , accepting it to be part of the refining process every follower of Jesus is going through...the Beauty in the Turmoil... I have seen it...

impurities have been brought to the surface in this tremendous fire of walking through indescribable pain, sorrow and loss.. through trust and obedience the Lord was able to remove those impurities and today I am a little bit more like Him..

He has also not wasted a minute of my life but has used every bit of suffering for His glory.. He has made me take my eyes off myself and serve Him like never before..

 driving to work this morning I was praying and thanking Him for bringing me to a place where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am worthy to be loved, worthy to be cherished and valued, worthy to be respected and treated gently.. I am precious in His sight and beautiful...

I am in a place where I can trust in His guidance and wisdom, His timing and His Goodness...
In His time He DOES make all things beautiful....  it is the coming closer to Him that is the Beauty... not the existence / success of a relationship, health, happiness or a life without conflict...
knowing Him and be known by Him.... there is no greater thing...

You keep her in perfect peace

    whose mind is stayed on you,

    because she trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

celebrating Him and bringing Glory to Him is my desire today.

..not according to the Word --> NO LIGHT..

oh how glorious is Your Word , Oh Lord..
there is not a time I read it that I do not get so excited and lifted up. it never fails to clarify things for me..

these are a few verses from this week's passage : For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive.  But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ.  Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet
(1 Corinthian's 15:22-25)

having had some very futile discussions lately about the authority of the Word..  and arguments about if something is not compatible with biblical teaching it is not from God, but from the devil, I was encouraged today to read and think about and marvel at these verses... strong words.. destroying every rule and every authority and power...

to think that there is anything at all in this world that we could be involved in as  Followers of Christ that would be okay to not  be biblical / in accordance with God's revelation to us.. boggles my mind:

When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all. ( 1 Corinthians 15:28)

God wants to be ALL in ALL... makes sense.. He created the world..duh.....

and this one: to the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this [God's] word, it is because there is no light in them" (Isaiah 8:20)... could it be any clearer than this?

becoming a Christian, being born again is receiving the gift of salvation and surrendering to Christ, submitting to His authority, seeking Him in His Word... not in some notion and teachings gleaned from all kinds of other places (  beware: this world is full of false teachings )

 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it  and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.  All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,  that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. ( 2 Timothy 3:14-17)

this is my prayer for those that have been deceived:
that You would put false ways far from them
    and graciously teach them your law, oh Lord ( Psalm 119:29)

.."unclogged" and free...

epic day.. mowed the lawn again and fixed the clogged up kid's bathroom sink.. since moving into this house 18 months ago the water never really drained the way it was supposed to (reeeaaaaalllyyy slowly;)... typical procrastinator I am and not wanting to pay a plumber.. ;) I left it until, a week ago, it happened... no water made it down the drain anymore at all..
asked a friend.. didn't come through for me.. so I looked at the pipes and whatever else is under the sink and was contemplating maybe buying a tool and trying it myself anyways.. started to fiddle with it and got to the root of the problem without having any idea what I was doing... gotta love God for how He can use us and allow us to be successful without having the slightest understanding what it is we are doing..
fact: the drain is clear and the water is running as freely as a little creek in the spring... hahaha
removed some other "stuff" in another area of my life.. it had been clogging me up spiritually lately, and I am so thankful for how God orchestrated all this..
so the Spirit is flowing freely ( like a creek in the spring ) through me again... mind you, He had still been working through me and my ministry anyways.. thankfully..God is just so faithful..
epic day.. amazing.. ( now the kids don't have to brush their teeth in my sink anymore..Hallelujah!!!)

..hanging with my Lord...

... feeling so blessed these days.. so thankful for the presence of my best friend and lover of my soul, He goes with me wherever I go and I can feel the warmth of His embrace all the time..
since being single I have gone from feeling rejected, thrown away and broken into a thousand pieces to feeling whole, loved and cherished like never before..
the amazing thing is that it has nothing to do with my circumstances..
they have not really changed that much..
and as much as I firmly believe that God did create us to be in a marriage relationship, and long to one day meet the man God has for me, I am feeling great... so surprising to me..
since being alone I have met so many different people, just had a few hours communicating with someone who seemed like a gift from the Lord to me for that time.. those few hours of one random evening..
blessing flowing to me in such different ways.. enriching my heart and soul..
embracing the blessings as they come, appreciating them and drinking them in..., know some amazing songs I didn't know before, gleaned some insight into matters that are important to me, oh how marvellous to feel souls resonating... I learned to do that.. just taking every hour for what it is.. and allowing the peace and joy of the Lord to permeate the last little corner of my soul..
never in my life have I felt that complete, loved and secure..
I think this is what it should have felt like all along.. so thankful that He has brought me here..
He is my faithful companion, my Lord and my Saviour, He has carried me through the valley and He just hangs out with me .. delighting over my deep joy and the awe I feel as I am so very close to Him.. filled with His love my cup overflows.. love spilling over..
Oh Jesus.. that you would have saved me when I was hostile and lost... Your grace and mercy overwhelm me and make my soul sing... eternally..
may all I do and say bring glory and honour to you..  #SoliDeoGloria

..I am not my family tree..

social media.. good? or bad? not really that important what each of us thinks, it's just that.. social media..
it is here and it is alive and chances are it will get even more popular.. even though I cannot imagine how we all could spend even more time on it..
read a blog, posted on twitter on Monday, written by a young Christian woman, 25 years old, about her life and priorities and bringing up a child in today's world..
beautiful to get a glimpse into her life, very mature and wise for her age, realizing that Jesus needs to be the centre of our lives ...
thinking of her, and where she comes from.. heard her father share on Saturday how wonderful his parents are, made me feel a few different things..
so blessed to hear that it does actually exist, families that have been Christ followers for generations , healthy and whole.. parents that have loved their children well, the children in turn able to love their own kids the way God meant for it to be..
sadness about the fact that this has not been something that has been true for me..
becoming a follower of Christ when I was 30, choices I had made already were affecting my children's upbringing, trying to work through the dysfunction that had been passed down to me, I know that the chains of the generational sin has been broken and my children, even though others in their lives are not walking with the Lord, are free from the bondage..
knowing that God is sovereign and that He loves me and my daughters, I let go of the sadness and rather am thankful that now they do have the chance to start a legacy of godly upbringing like this young woman "exudes "..
realizing that everyone has struggles in this life, no matter their background, and that Jesus has overcome the world.. I know that through Him I have become a new creation...

I am not my family tree

These are different leaves, you know

There are miles and miles between

My roots and what I’m trying to grow

I am not my past mistakes

Labelled by some place and time

There is mercy in the soil, mercy in the sun

Learning to forgive, what cannot be undone

And what was meant to harm can’t harm you in the end
..I am not my family tree...

this is the truth: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  (2 Corinthians 5:17)

He makes all things beautiful in His time, Praise God!

..confusion not from God!!!..

used to live in this bubble..  most of my friends were from MY church and some, just a few,  that weren't Christians, as in my family ...
life was pretty straightforward and all seemed pretty clear.. the truth was what I had been learning since becoming a Christian, solid, biblical teaching and my own studies of the Word, the Lord making things clear to me and changing me gently..
in the meantime, because my life fell apart two and a half year ago, I have met some Christians that have different views on some pretty significant things ... have to admit it has thrown me off at times..
thankfully the Holy Spirit keeps making me feel uncomfortable again and again and I am drawn back to the Word..
today Michael Minot, amazing Christian guy tweeted this: " Guard your heart and your mind. These are the places where the enemy wages his warfare"... I had just been spending time in the Word and this was what jumped out to me: For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.  ( 1 Cor 14 : 33)
if confusion enters one's mind we can be sure it is not from God.. with God there is peace, wisdom and direction..
needed to be reminded that my fragile and vulnerable heart is easy prey.. cannot let Satan try and use this to bring confusion to my mind..
so here are some reminders for me:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God..He was with God in the beginning.. ( John 1: 1+2 )
and then there is this:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,  so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16+17)

bottom line is this: Truth is Truth and the Word is the Word.. I am choosing to submit to it's authority.. I do not have to question or debate, I don't have to seek for answers it doesn't give, I just have to believe it and trust God..
I love Jesus and He is the Word.. He is the One who was with God in the beginning..
this is how John chapter 1 goes on:
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

I need to leave it there because this is what it says as well:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. ( Isaiah 55:8 )
That's it.

..mountaintop experiences..

mountain top experiences... those are the ones we don't want to end.. very different from the times in the valley.. nobody likes those..
had one of those mountain top experiences on Saturday evening.. driving down to Toronto with a very dear and cherished friend.. waiting in line to get to go inside the church where the long awaited concert was going to be..
meet and greet with Michael W Smith... and what can I say.. he just doesn't disappoint...
the concert... amazing, the music, the atmosphere, the "little sermons".. worshipping my Jesus in such a setting is such a blessing...
would love to do this all the time.. but then, if we stayed up there how would others hear..
 this just reminded me of a song by Amy Grant..

I love to sing and I love to pray

Worship the Lord most everyday

I go to the temple, and I just want to stay

To hide from the hustle of the world and its ways

And I'd love to live on a mountain top

Fellowshipping with the Lord

I'd love to stand on a mountain top

'Cause I love to feel my spirit soar

But I've got to come down from that mountain top

To the people in the valley below

Or they'll never know that they can go

To the mountain of the Lord

Now, praising the Father is a good thing to do

Worship the Trinity in spirit and truth

But if we worshipped all of the time

There would be no one to lead the blind

Now, I am not saying that worship is wrong

But worship is more than just singing a song

It's all that you say, and everything that you do

It's letting His Spirit live through you

so coming down from the mountaintop.. meeting with a client at Hope for Life today.. it's about telling those that do not know, they too can go to the mountain of the Lord.. so thankful I get to share my Jesus with the ones he has sent to us.. so blessed to know Him, so blessed by faithful Christian Artists like Michael W Smith and Amy Grant.. allowing the Lord to minister to others through their music... AMAZING.. His plans ROCK!!!!

.. May 5, 2012... a very special day indeed..

it is 3:11 pm on Saturday May 5, 2012... not a very significant day in the big scheme of things... but... a very significant day for me..
May 16, 2009 was the day I went to my first Michael W Smith concert... I had known MWS before, remember loving 2 CDs of him a very long time ago... but, I have to admit I had not paid a lot of attention to this particular Christian Artist..
May 2009 he came to Hamilton and the Christian School promoted the concert.. I got a bunch of friends together and we went...
that day, hopeless and broken as I was, ( I had found first evidence of my husband cheating the Nov before) God used a song "Deep in love with you" to show me that He knew, and that He cared..
I bought the CD and since then... I have been a huge fan of Michael W Smith (what some very mean people call "groupie"..shocking).. his songs have ministered to my heart and helped me through the last 3 years in a way no one else's songs ever have.. it was like God was speaking directly to me.. giving me strength to make it through some rather difficult circumstances..
the last concert of his I went to was a Benefit concert for the Franklin Theatre in Franklin, TN.. where MWS and so many other amazing Christian Artists live... it was August 6, 2011, the day my Ex-husband got married...
I have been looking forward to this concert today for a very long time.. I mean, 9 months between concerts of my absolutely fav artist is just a little too long ;)
so, after cleaning the house today with my girlies, we needed it to get all sparkly for our Early "Mami Day" Celebrations tomorrow.. I have been getting myself ready..
it is a special day.. Meet and Greet with Michael before the concert.. then hours of worshipping with him and so many other fellow Christians.. I always feel it is like getting a glimpse of heaven..
so maybe I am a groupie ( I do think he is a wonderful godly man, I love his voice, his music and his looks... ) but who cares.. God has used and continues to use him in my life and in the lives of so many others...
it is a very special day indeed <3