last Sunday in church I felt resentful towards my pastor for what I usually, for almost 14 years now, admire about him so much..
he has gotten so much flak for preaching the Word, the Truth as it is communicated in the scriptures.. I have heard him say many times "I am the messenger, don't get mad at me"
I didn't get mad, but I resented that someone, who clearly didn't know at all what he was talking about, could, like it seemed to me "dismiss" something so easily that I have found so very, very difficult...
truth is, and I knew that all along that in fact he was just doing what he always so faithfully does, he was speaking truth into my life, from God's Word to my heart..
I guess in 14 years nothing has ever touched such a tender spot in me like this topic did..
as he ended the sermon last week with something like "being single is a blessing" I turned around and told my best friend "I am not feeling blessed at all"... * felt like stomping off like a little stubborn 2 year old*
since then, for 7 days now, I have chosen to thank God for my singleness, like I shared in my last blog...
and once again, my God is not disappointing me... once again, taking a step towards Him in obedience is rewarded with Him showing me things I wasn't able to see before...
I am indeed blessed to be single, not only because of the things , so very substantial and important, that my pastor spoke about... things like being able to serve Him more, focus on pleasing Him because I am not distracted by having and wanting to please a spouse...
it is so much more than this.. truth is, He has been protecting me and will not stop until the time is right... actually he never will stop protecting me, but He is the one that has made sure I am single still, because, truth is, with a teenager who is still struggling so much with the fallout of the divorce, more tears about this again last night, a man and potential stepfather would have complicated an already challenging time.. for her and for me...
He has been protecting me from myself... and I know that full well... somehow I will have to develop more self discipline... have to learn how to hold back and wait for that man God has for me to pursue me and woo me.. not to jump in too early, like it is my habit of doing...
I am not there yet and He knows it.. duh....
this morning, with all my kids and all my doggies in my bed with me, I thanked God that I did not have to worry if a "new husband" would be okay with the way it got a little crowded.... I LOVED it...
last night's Birthday dinner with them was a wonderful treat... again... between the four of us we can just be ourselves and I enjoy this SO much...
so today, after this amazing man of God had preached the truth once again I made sure I went to him and asked him to forgive me for getting "mad" at the messenger... I thanked him for allowing the Lord to use him once again to communicate to me.. it was hard for me to hear, but it was necessary... another step taken on the journey of my life...
48 years old tomorrow and a little wiser... thanks to a pastor who takes his "job" very seriously and does not shy away from speaking the truth, no matter what kind of response he gets...
