..profound, soul deep sadness... I am NOT of this world...

...once again, the weekend... a day that was supposed to be another busy one, the last few weeks have been extremely busy, turned into a day of rest... I find myself alone at home... it is cold and windy and ugly outside....  listening to the little preview that was posted of a song of the album "Glory" that will be released on November 22... another gem, composed and played so beautifully by Michael W. Smith, recording it on my iphone a few times in a row so that it makes a "real" song...
the music touches my innermost being.... my soul resonates, and tears are rolling down my face.... it's this sadness, this sadness that is so deep inside my soul...
as humans, we always are looking to explain why we feel the way we feel...
well, I have been hurt, lied to, betrayed, I have been abandoned and mistreated, not just by my Ex husband, but by other significant people in my life, I have had my share of disappointments, I made bad choices and have suffered the consequences.... but, this sadness, it is not brought on by those things alone...
it is a sadness I have felt my entire life... I think it is a feeling of loneliness and not belonging... a longing for something so deep, I am more and more convinced it is not to be found on this earth...
caught myself thinking today, that with the men in my life so far, why am I even wanting another one ... crazy...
listening to this amazingly beautiful little composition, I fear that NO ONE will ever understand me... the next thought is that He who made me understands me and my longing is for Him...
this is were the emptiness and loneliness is really rooted... living in a world where this is true :

" For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.  But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."Philippians 3:18-21)

Oh, I know so well how blessed I am to be His child... I love Him, I am so thankful for the purpose He has for me... tomorrow is the Grand Opening of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center... my "baby".... God is amazing... and still.... my deepest longing is to be home... Home with Him, who knows my heart... my Maker is my husband.. the Lord Almighty is His name... He is my Redeemer and my King... the lover of my soul, my All in All....
and so today.. I have to be brave.. my heart is heavy and sad.... not because of the things people have done to me or because I am alone... it is because I am a stranger in this world... and I feel it.... I really do..