.. A Father for my Mami.....

  going home, bittersweet... missed my girls so much... they are all telling me they miss me too.... ( this makes me happy....) missed my puppies, my bed... my home, my car.. ( I am German after all ) :D

missed my sisters in Christ... those wonderful friends the Lord has brought into my life over the last 16 years... 

feeling that the stress of the last 2 1/2 weeks will just make me crash as soon as I lay eyes on one of those friends... then my tears will start flowing... for a very long time...

but now I am going to be missing my mother...

I have, we all have been very emotional.... sitting by the bed of your mother so very ill will do that to you... we also needed to be strong, for her, for each other, even for my kids at home... and... again, thanks to Him we have been able to be strong....

I know though that there are times to be weak... times to finally let your emotions flow.. it is necessary, it is healing... it is comforting... so I am not sure who of my friends will be brave enough to be the first one to see me... 

as difficult as this time has been, it has also brought so many good things.... I cannot remember when love has been expressed to the extent it was expressed between us these last 16 days... so many hours together... a wonderful thing..... I do not remember the last time my mother would have just called me “Mausi” like she did yesterday, or I her, for that matter ..I probably never have... since she is my mother.. :)

brushing her teeth, massaging her feet daily, feeding her and coaxing her to take one more bite... it all came so naturally, as if I was just waiting to do this for her...

all three of us shared this tenderness for my poor, fragile mother.... we met her on such different levels... totally helpless, fearing for her life ,weak and grateful, rebellious like an obnoxious little child... coherent and not at all... ( those were the most scary times , right after the few days in the beginning when we were constantly staring at the monitors... checking if her vitals were holding up)

..when I called her one last time right before boarding, her sounding so back to normal, I allowed myself again to hope that she could go back to being able to live a relatively independent life... committed to whatever it will take to be there for her...  

sharing with her last night that the Lord was right there with her....that with Him she could make it through this... I will continue to plead with Him to save her, to reveal His presence to her... that she, like me, could rest her weary head on His strong shoulders..finding the shelter and love of the Father.... she has never had anything like this before in her life as well.... my Mami....feeling she needed to be strong all by herself all her life..... I so want her to meet Him finally....

.... encouraged by a fellow "blogger" ... last day in Switzerland...

I am so very blessed to be a child of the Most High... I love Him so much and I am so totally excited He speaks to me so clearly.... prayer has always been one of my passions.. being in communication / communion with Him throughout the day and the night...

these last 2 weeks especially I have kept on waking up every hour and all I would do was just plead with the Lord for my mother... not even thinking about it... the words just breaking forth by themselves...

I think, because I’ m kind of tuned into His frequency always... I pick up those messages from Him once in a while...

on the train early this morning... listening to my Christian Music Survival Playlist 

“ Beauty in the Turmoil”  once again I was thinking I maybe shouldn’t “publish” my journal...sometimes I have thought how full of myself I must be to think others would be interested what is going on in my life... wondering if I should just not do it, but then I always get some message telling me how a post has spoken to someone, encouraged them and touched them, just like last night......

so this morning... praying, thinking, listening...spending time with my eternal best friend and companion.. the One who has been there through thick and thin, patiently shaping me... loving me and spurning me on to good deeds... He pointed something out to me...

there was another “blogger” a few thousand years ago... someone who didn’t hold back, didn’t sugarcoat anything... told it how it was... authentically complained, groaned, pleaded, cried out for help....

the wonderful thing about him was that no matter how horrible his circumstances were, he always ended up praising the Lord... proclaiming that he was putting his trust in the only One worthy ... the Lord God Almighty....giving Him what is rightfully His: glory and honor and praise... 

he was not without sin, we all know about his bad choices... and we know what consequences he had to live with...  (how well I can relate to that) ... I am not saying I am a 21st century female David... far from it...

but, in my walk with the Lord, his “blogs” have encouraged me again and again... there have been nights when I told my Saviour that I was not going to put my bible down until He had met me.... I would read the Psalms for hours.... until He did just that.. He met me... He gave me whatever it was that I needed... strength to carry on, comfort, hope....

if one of my blogs can communicate that this is exactly what the Lord has for us, then I will just keep on writing...