... Nurse Miriam and choices.....

.. a birthday spent with my mother... the last few hours I have been nurse Miriam, dealing with her preparation for her Colonoscopy tomorrow.. a privilege for sure...
getting up early to make the 2 hours trek down the mountains with her  2 hours up again after... will take her to the hospital Thursday afternoon for the surgery on Friday...
have been thinking what this day also used to be a bit more the last few hours.. difficult... just watched a documentary on German TV about abortion... hard for me, the intellectual, totally faith-less way of looking at things.... made me think about what happens in a world without God... where man/woman decides lead only by their own feelings... void of a deeper responsibility for their own choices, an accountability to God.. our own feelings become our guide... because we feel a certain way we have no trouble at all justifying those choices even if our conscience bothers us....
staying in a marriage that fails to make me happy????  I just want to be happy... really?????
a child, a baby... not convenient, or scary... without God no hope for support and help...  sad, so sad...
I know what I am talking about... I left a marriage many years ago for that reason, I had an abortion because I had no support, and it was just not a convenient time... I do understand it, I am guilty of doing the same thing...
I also know the consequences... I know the impact my choices have had... on me, my children... I wasn't aware of my responsibility and accountability... back then....
but I know it now... and my heart breaks for all those poor unsuspecting people that are so empty inside... no one tells them about that God has indeed given us His "rules" to protect us from the consequences... that He is there to help... the unhappy marriage..with His help and a willingness to humble oneself and repent and follow Him by both partners there is HOPE, there is happiness...
the baby... with His help and support we can do it... we can.....

living with the knowledge that my choices have caused others consequences, that my children are the ones that are walking around with them does one thing in me for sure... it makes me passionate to share with them and everyone who dares to talk to me about these issues ;) it is not worth it to disobey God... there is no real benefit in the end... happiness.... a very fleeting feeling... the blessing of obedience... eternal....
today... my prayer is that He will continue to use me .... that those wrong choices of mine are by His grace bringing about something good after all.... choices that honor God... I love you Lord...

... Birthday Celebration.....

..so different than my last visit here... such a blessing, something I would have taken for granted up until then, my mother sitting on the couch with me in Celerina... staying at our family’s place during my last visit was weird... because it was really only a place for us to sleep and change clothes... I think we had one ”real deal meal” there the whole 2 1/2 weeks I spent there.... no hanging around talking for hours like my mother loves to do... well, this time... all 3 of them standing there at the Celerina Bahnhof... picking me up... I had been wondering if my mother would come to pick me up or if it would be too much for her... but there they were... all three of them..... so very happy to see especially her, looking as well as on the pictures from Mother’s Day.....
“lounging around” on the couches for hours talking, my mother, my daughter and I... a gift from God....


today, my mother’s 71st Birthday.... born in 1940 during the war... her first 5 years, with a father absent because of war, a mother trying to bring up her baby with limited resources, my mother remembers distinctly having to go to the bomb shelter in the middle of the night... leaving her with a deep seated fear that manifested itself when she was expecting her 3rd child... she only had 2 hands... what if she had to flee somewhere, she could only hold on to two children at once... thanks be to God she never had to run from anything when we were little...


waiting to start the birthday celebrations with a beautiful breakfast and  the opening of gifts I am marveling at God’s plan for our lives... the fact that every little detail is His, from Him, that nothing escapes the sovereignty of our Father in heaven... from the day we are born into this world until we pass on to be either with Him or apart from Him for eternity He is intricately involved in our details.... allowing our choices bad or good only to lovingly teach us and refine us... never because He doesn’t care but because He cares.. changing us gently... the goal always to make us more like Him..


I do love the English language.. one of the reasons is this saying... when difficult things happen they can either make us bitter or better...He always has the better in mind... but we have the choice... we can become bitter and full of resentment and hatred, choosing not to forgive... or we become better, more like Him, learning to forgive quicker, trusting Him more and becoming more patient and peaceful... more like Him...


as Christians we can be sure that around the next corner the next challenge is awaiting us... it is our choice... will we willingly walk with our Saviour and be transformed into His likeness more and more or will we resist and fight against it.. to the detriment of those around us and our own... because... let’s be clear about this.. He will bring about the changes in us, it just depends how much pressure it will take... how many heartaches and conflicts.. in my mind it is a no brainer.... being obedient is the better choice.....