Had my first break down this morning.. texted some friends asked them to pray.. called a friend... she came and prayed with me..helped until everyone left and he left shortly after... that was it, the end...walking away from me, once again. Abandoning me, again, seeing my tears, again, but not caring enough to stay..again. And still I am not angry or mad, I accept it, but it does not feel very nice..curling up on the floor in my house for the last time, I let my tears flow... no need to try to stop this, it needs to come out.
It will get better, once Monday comes and goes, just spent too much time with the man that promised to love me and cherish me until death do us part in the home that we made together...not good for me. No wonder it feels like something is dead....some part of me.... but again, the promise was, when everything fell we would be held.. when the sacred is torn from my life I will survive, because I know that I am loved......Hope is born from suffering.....and this hope will never disappoint.. because it is not in a circumstance or a person....it is in the one true God, the one that made the heavens and the earth and who loved us enough to send His son here to save us, save us from eternity without Him...from eternal misery.
If it takes for me to lie on the floor sobbing until I almost throw up so be it...I know that I am desperate for Him and that He is the air I breath...I know that I am blessed to be His... I am deep in love with you, Abba Father, my heart it beats for you, precious Jesus, I'm deep in love with you Lord...
