and there it was
the marvel
the song, given to me by a friend who was sent to strengthen me in this trying time 9 years ago.
when hanging on for another day was not such a sure thing but needed a new decision every day.
Held
by Natalie Grant.
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held
if you know me, you know that I am QUITE INTENSE... in all my feeling and everything... so, obviously I am listening to a song that speaks to where I am ( let me clarify, I did not lose a child, thanks to the Lord, but my husband had walked away after cheating on me with my cousin, leaving me and my children forever ) on REPEAT.... all the time.
the words that stuck out to me were many.
why should I be saved from nightmares?
why should I be rescued ?
when the sacred, the promised is torn from your life...
and you survive - because you have to-
it all comes down to one thing:
I find out what it means to be loved,
it means to be held WHEN it all falls apart
was walking this road with another woman who had experienced a very similar thing,
sharing with her what God was showing me she could not accept it.
she couldn't let go of how wrong it was, how unfair it was, and got stuck there.
so thankful that He let me see it was about Him all along.
never about the things we could lose.
but Him.
the lyrics go on,
taking it even one step further.
if hope is born of suffering ( and yes, I knew this now )
what if this is only the beginning ????????????????
things continued to get worse,
the realities of the "mistress" being my closest and most loved relative
my parents hiding from me the dinner they had with "them"
my mother telling me, when I said something she didn't like, that I deserved to be cheated on
dealing with what all of this did to my children. alone. broken myself.
all the details of figuring life out on our own and regular, daily life in a world that's broken by sin.
even when we slowly found our footing and recovered from the blow of a broken marriage
the Lord allowed more losses and trials in my life,
to this day there are many levels of difficulty and trial, sadness and sorrow..
yet,
through this all I know without a shadow of a doubt that
WHEN it falls ( not if ) He is always there and I am always held.
my hope CANNOT be in someone or some circumstance but only in Him.
He, who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
so, nine years after all this went down,
there is another song,
shared, again by someone who has been sent to strengthen me in times that are hard, who I can strengthen by pointing her to Him
-what a wonderful thing that is, thank you Lord-
this is the song:
Broken Hallelujah
by Mandisa
With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart's in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more
Yet I trust in this moment
You're with me somehow
And You've always been faithful
So Lord even now
When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You
And give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah
Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn
How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
Oh Lord hear my heart
In this painful place
When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You
And give You thanks
we all are facing sadness and sorrow throughout our lives,
the question is which road will you take?
are you going to stay in a place that blames and is upset about how unfair it all is?
or are you going to run to Him and pour out your heart to Him,
trusting that He will hold you,
bringing Him your tears and your broken heart
and praise Him
because that's what He deserves
He who willingly took the punishment and suffering for you
I thank Him today even for the hurts and the suffering the break up of my marriage inflicted on me and my children...
without it I wouldn't know what it means to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held!!
by HIM... who deserves my broken Hallelujah
