... sometimes I feel like a little fish in a school of fish on the bottom of the ocean, thousands and thousands of us... Dori comes to mind... "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming" just swimming and swimming... in a big crowd... not really seeing where it is going and what is happening around me... a little anxious, frazzled, overwhelmed... life can seem that way... this last little while has been a little like that... so many things going on, so many things to take care of, so many burdens.... running the rat race... with a sick feeling in my tummy.... I am aware that this is what the Evil one wants, for me to feel insignificant and alone in a crowd of others running around aimlessly .... everything being meaningless .... I know that it is not true... that even though there are billions living a life similar to mine.. I am one of a kind ( for better or worse ;) I am fearfully and wonderfully made.... the purpose for my life intricately woven into the beautiful picture that God is creating... I know this... I believe this... then why do I get caught up in this and why do I have this sick feeling of fear in my stomach... it seems my brain is constantly going, trying to figure out the chaos around me ... it's like being on one of those carousels... going really fast... trying to hold on but feeling the centrifugal force winning... eventually it will be stronger than my strength to hold on.... and there I will be... flying violently... no direction and no hope... because this is a given....I will crash, I will be hurt and broken into pieces..But then again... no, this is not true... My God has me on the path He wants me to be on. He has laid out that path before me, He walks with me and He holds me in place... He protects me and even though I sometimes feel I am spinning it is like my friend pointed out to me so clearly... it is He who is holding on to my hands, not me trying to hold on to Him...
This is where my hope lies... this is why my hope cannot be shaken.. no matter how crazily my life is spinning out of control... no matter that I have been dealing with things that are not supposed to be happening and there is no end in sight, He who created the Universe is on my side... He has my back...
It takes me to put time aside to draw near to him to ground myself though... otherwise the feeling of centrifugal forces getting out of control is imminent..
sometimes I just would like to turn the "tv of my life" off... take a break.... not deal with all the stuff... but I guess this has to wait.... He alone knows when the time is right for that... I have to admit, I am looking forward to it.....
