Escape?????

it's just too much sometimes 
and if there was a way to escape having to deal with issues 
I would SO go for that.

I know that there is no way, 

and that we have to face even worse things 

if we hide and blame shift and just go with our feelings 

instead of doing what is right.

I have seen it fail, all those things I could come up with myself..

fail in too many ways to count.

I have watched people around me.

my own parents,

other family members 

friends...

it never works

some try and escape by focusing on things,

nice things, things you can buy, or make or eat

or on other people, 

new people, people without issues ( for now) ..

-that can potentially turn out really bad-

some try and find some more fun things to do

add some hobbies

travel

be active - no time for reflection.. no

others go for the achievements

more titles

more money

more significance..

or pleasures...

alcohol

drugs

sex

in the end.. no one can escape 

staying in this place of 

"I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE"

is not a good thing

stubbornness keeps me there.

sometimes fear 

or some kind of hopelessness

sometimes even for a couple of days.

when it hurts too much to face it all

that's when I turn away and pretend I don't know.

all I can do is pray then.

just crying out for help

no eloquent prayers..

no battle plans.

just a cry for mercy

so thankful for the Psalms

it's the perfect place for me to go when I feel this way...

Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me,

    for I am poor and needy.

 Preserve my life, for I am godly;

    save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God.

 Be gracious to me, O Lord,

    for to you do I cry all the day.

 Gladden the soul of your servant,

    for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

 For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,

    abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

 Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;

    listen to my plea for grace.

 In the day of my trouble I call upon you,

    for you answer me.

time does not heal wounds

time does not make things better

new people don't make things better

a vacation or decorating the house doesn't make things better

me taking my eyes of the issues and the hurt and the mountain and fixing them on Him

that's what makes things better.

in His time

in His way

crying out and moving into Him

leaning into Him

opening my fists and letting Him pick me up

that's what makes things better

abiding in Him

staying in His presence

helps me to trust

again

because 

let's face it

there is no other way

letting His presence wash over me and fill me

surrendering my hurt and my anger

my entitlement

my rebelliousness

that's what makes it better 

not necessarily the issues

not necessarily my circumstances yet

I am better 

when I am with Him

better than when I turn away

fists clenched

just tired and so done..

can't escape it by myself

I just can't..

and...

I don't have to

SO THANKFUL FOR THAT

God is at work. He does not slumber. 

Christ intercedes. He does not fail. 

The Spirit comforts. He does not forsake. 

Be at rest. Be at peace. 

Your name at the end of the day is Beloved.❤️