Tuesday, December 21, 2010

... comfort needed... and received...

...needed something comforting this morning from my Lord.... I prayed from the moment I woke up just asking for His tight embrace... I prayed and decided it was a Psalm day... a day to go to the most comforting words... I read Psalm 34.....


I will extol the LORD at all times;
   his praise will always be on my lips.
 I will glory in the LORD;
   let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
 Glorify the LORD with me;
   let us exalt his name together.

  I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.
 Those who look to him are radiant;
   their faces are never covered with shame.
 This poor woman called, and the LORD heard her;
   he saved her out of all her troubles.
 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
   and he delivers them.

  Miriam...Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
 Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing.
 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
 Come, Miriam, listen to me;
   I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
 Whoever of you loves life
   and desires to see many good days,
 keep your tongue from evil
   and your lips from telling lies.
 Turn from evil and do good;
   seek peace and pursue it.

  The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
   and his ears are attentive to their cry;
 but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
   to blot out their name from the earth.

  The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
   he delivers them from all their troubles.
 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

  The righteous woman may have many troubles,
   but the LORD delivers her from them all;
 he protects all her bones,
   not one of them will be broken.

  Evil will slay the wicked;
   the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
 The LORD will rescue his servants and that includes me!!!!;
   no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

I meditated on this Psalm for many weeks a year ago ... I needed the assurance that He would indeed hear me and rescue me... and, at that time... I was also very much focusing on the fact that the wicked would be slain... I definitely was angry and the fact that the Lord was going to take justice in His hands was important to me...

This morning I was praising Him and then pleading for my girls and me... for His love to surround us... for His armies to protect us from the foolish and wicked arrows flying at us... we did have some fun times today and only a little bit of aggravation was added.... so, with His strength we can handle it..
My two University students shared with me today that they pray before Exams and that it gives them peace... that was something that warmed my heart... I am so grateful for anything... so aware of even the smallest blessing... grateful for Him showing me how He is at work... Because He is... He always is.. in all of us.... He is the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace...He is my brother, the Lover of my Soul.... my friend and the one who has such strong arms, right now He is carrying me and my girls... again... He has the most loving eyes... did you know that???? Just have a look........

... dizzy and exhausted....

....when I was a little girl I fell of a little turny thingi on the playground... I got dizzy from turning and couldn't hold on anymore... I couldn't swing too high because I got too dizzy... I never could go on any rides... the last 10 years or so traveling on planes or even car rides would make me so dizzy that I eventually had to start taking vertigo medication every time I travel... or stay home... :(

Today was a roller coaster ride kind of a day... I am exhausted and dizzy.... too many ups and downs.. I guess there is no medication for that...

woke up still having the Eeyore cloud hanging over me...had a friend over who loves me... that started my upswing.... went to church to meet with my counselor / mentor.... talking to her always helps clear up some things... upswing continued...
Got right on it... taking a few action steps..  scary and hard
(down swing)... but important...wrote someone an e-mail,  first little baby steps towards reconciliation, had an exciting meeting with my future partner for the Center... up swing....  Met with someone to figure out status quo... hard... but necessary....

time alone... some more figuring out and processing..... up swing.... my girls coming home from a party with the "new" and, unbeknownst to us some of the "old" family... good for them... some things said and shared with me... down swing.... going to bed... dizzy and exhausted...

Was talking today about how I sometimes wish He would have made me with skin just a little thicker....
a little less sensitive... a little less vulnerable.... but then, who am I to question Him... the Potter...can He not make the clay into any kind of vessel... whichever way pleases Him??? He is not accountable to anyone... In His ultimate wisdom He decided just how to make me....

Today... I am falling into the arms of my Saviour.... drained and once again hurt... sad ... on the down swing..... as He catches me He lifts me up... swings me up and I am sure of one thing:
When times get tough, and I get tired, I won’t back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I’ll just keep moving forward by God’s grace. ( Rick Warren )

When times are tough and I am dizzy and exhausted from the roller coaster ride... when the only medication that helps with my condition is to rely on Him... I will do just that... I will keep on keeping on... fixing my eyes on the goal set before me... on Jesus... on eternal things not on temporary things... and I will rejoice...

because I am His and no one can snatch me from His hand....For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen