....when I was a little girl I fell of a little turny thingi on the playground... I got dizzy from turning and couldn't hold on anymore... I couldn't swing too high because I got too dizzy... I never could go on any rides... the last 10 years or so traveling on planes or even car rides would make me so dizzy that I eventually had to start taking vertigo medication every time I travel... or stay home... :(Today was a roller coaster ride kind of a day... I am exhausted and dizzy.... too many ups and downs.. I guess there is no medication for that...
woke up still having the Eeyore cloud hanging over me...had a friend over who loves me... that started my upswing.... went to church to meet with my counselor / mentor.... talking to her always helps clear up some things... upswing continued...
Got right on it... taking a few action steps.. scary and hard
(down swing)... but important...wrote someone an e-mail, first little baby steps towards reconciliation, had an exciting meeting with my future partner for the Center... up swing.... Met with someone to figure out status quo... hard... but necessary....
time alone... some more figuring out and processing..... up swing.... my girls coming home from a party with the "new" and, unbeknownst to us some of the "old" family... good for them... some things said and shared with me... down swing.... going to bed... dizzy and exhausted...
Was talking today about how I sometimes wish He would have made me with skin just a little thicker....
a little less sensitive... a little less vulnerable.... but then, who am I to question Him... the Potter...can He not make the clay into any kind of vessel... whichever way pleases Him??? He is not accountable to anyone... In His ultimate wisdom He decided just how to make me....
Today... I am falling into the arms of my Saviour.... drained and once again hurt... sad ... on the down swing..... as He catches me He lifts me up... swings me up and I am sure of one thing:
When times get tough, and I get tired, I won’t back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I’ll just keep moving forward by God’s grace. ( Rick Warren )
When times are tough and I am dizzy and exhausted from the roller coaster ride... when the only medication that helps with my condition is to rely on Him... I will do just that... I will keep on keeping on... fixing my eyes on the goal set before me... on Jesus... on eternal things not on temporary things... and I will rejoice...
because I am His and no one can snatch me from His hand....For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen
Yesterday I was holding Levi by the hands and swinging him around in the living room. After a couple of times, we let go and danced around laughing. Then he wanted to do it again, but he grabbed onto my fingers so I couldn't get a proper grip. There was no way I would lift him and start spinning around if I wasn't the one holding onto him because he wouldn't be able to keep his grasp and he would fall. It made me think of how we often think we're holding onto God - but really He's holding us. His grip is stronger and safer and constant! We can totally trust him through the upswings and downswings!
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