.. sailing.... into the light with Him...

living in the shadows,

letting fear enter into my mind,

not looking upwards

I go half-blind

you think I'd have learned my lesson,

for the floor falls right through

every time I take my eyes off You

for You are, You are the only light I need

You are , You are the lamp unto my feet

 and You are, You are the bright morning star 

that shines for me

shadows come when night starts falling

illumination fades away

but there is no shadow of turning

You will always be there for me

shining through the shadows

letting faith enter into my mind

when I look upwards

it's You I find

Holding on to my heart

holding on straight and true

every time I keep my eyes on You

 for You are.. you are the only light I need.....

( You are, Annie Herring)

some significant time with my friend this morning..  hearing from Him and telling Him all I am feeling right now.. I surrendered the hope I thought I had found a few weeks ago.. He told me that I had to do this every day for as long as it would take until my hope was in Him alone again..

wondering how I can keep myself from taking my eyes off Him, when I prayed the whole time that I wouldn't.. and failed anyways..

accepting that He is the One to call  ALL  the shots.. even more than I had allowed Him before.. oh the journey, wish I could just get it figured out a little faster.. it is all about trusting more and more... know that, but cannot fast forward through this becoming part of my make up.. 

letting go of the "don't I deserve that relationship you have for me now, considering how much I have gone through" self pity party-entitlement attitude..

I have all I could ever want... my "man" is not a shabby one... He is strong, actually all powerful!!! considerate and the most caring... He knows me like no one ever will and He gave His life for me.. He rejoices over every corner I turn on my journey..  over every little inch I come closer to where He so desires for me to be... with Him, always..

I know that all the desires of my heart will be met... when the time is right... in His time, He will make beautiful all things.... thank you for your patience with me.. I love you!

.. A Fib and a blood clot.. MORE days in the hospital..

something is wrong with my fancy PeakSaver Thermostat.. and it is HOT outside.. potential issue that will need looking into...
more important issue  is that my mother has been in hospital again, since the weekend and still is...
A fib, caused by, as we know now, thanks to the catheter that was put into her heart on Friday, a blood clot that is too big ( and she is too weak, with a pulse of 200 )  to "blast" , and therefore has to be "destroyed" with medication.. which needs to be closely monitored because of the danger of it causing a heart attack.. wow..
plans for the summer vacation in Corsica might have been thwarted again this year, since this can take up to 4 weeks..

In his heart a man plans his course,

    but the Lord determines his steps.

 (Proverbs 16:9)

hard to accept I am sure for someone who has been very independent and has seemingly "called the shots" for such a long time..

aging is a scary thing.. very scary when you don't have a strong foundation in your faith in Jesus Christ.. this is what I put my hope in:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

will never cease praying that my proud mother will soon bend her knee to the King of Kings and lay down the burdens of her heart, that she will acknowledge her need for a Saviour and accept Him as Lord.. this is what He says:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

(Matthew 11: 28-30)