all good things come in God's time... what if He doesn't want it..... but He is good... He cares more than anyone ever could.... but more about our holiness than our happiness... right..this is the kind of dialogue that goes on in my mind some days... I am convinced that God is good, I know for a fact that He is all about making us more like Himself... transforming us so that we reflect Him to the world around us and bring Him glory... I also know that the refining happens through suffering, loss and adversity... not through happiness and bliss.....
I am thankful for the last 16 years and 8 months, I am thankful that since He has been walking with me this is true for my life:
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed ( 2 Cor 4: 7-9)
there has been joy and blessings all along, there has also been a fair share of pain and sadness... my faith is strong as a result and He has changed me a lot in those years...
is it wrong to desire some happiness, to be loved by a godly man? cherished and respected, valued and appreciated? after all, after such failure in marriage and having been taught all He has about how to be a godly wife, wouldn't it be okay to give me another chance????
this world is so full of sin, of lies and betrayal, of heartache and trials.... wouldn't it be okay to show to the world the mystery of Jesus' love for the church... Eph 5: 31 +32 : For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church....
today as I was shovelling my driveway, and don't get me wrong, the exercise is great for me, I know that, I was thinking about how I have no reason to complain, there are many of my girlfriends with husbands out there shovelling as well...but then again, these husbands are out there providing or inside cooking a meal for their family... even though... I am not complaining... but I am sad... and the dialogue goes on again... I know that I need to trust Him and that this is not really helping me, but then again, I know that my Jesus understands my humanness, my weakness and my loneliness...
He has been walking with me for such a long time, we are such a great fit, I am leaning my head on His shoulder right now, in the place where I can hear His heartbeat... and I am allowing the feelings, because I am safe in His presence... as I am opening myself up to Him He in His compassion and love for me touches me with His healing hands... I love Him with all my heart... I will be eternally grateful....
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