Beauty from Ashes...are we coming any closer??? ... Patience,... . it's a virtue... .part of the fruit of the Spirit, highly priced and even harder to obtain...I have not been born with a patient spirit, but over the last 16 years the Lord has been PATIENT with me, and has been allowing me to become more like Him even in this regard... this was during "normal" trial times... ... ..when the earth shattering, life altering, devastating blow was administered to me... ..patience and trust went out the window in a second... This needed to stop, this feeling of worthlessness, deepest hurt and loss needed to be taken care of, as soon as possible, and when I came out of my first shock, that's what I was all about... Replacing the void left by the man who had promised to cherish me and lay his life down for me daily, (with another man I hardly knew... how foolish) taking the steps necessary to move on (well known to me, as I have been counseling women for many years - "forgiveness" ) and dealing with it by establishing the "New Normal" TODAY... (signing a lease agreement for a house, 1 1/2 months after the break up) ... Patience I was lacking, but what was lacking even more than patience was TRUST... . Oh Lord, forgive me for "taking things into my own hands" only because my husband and I hadn't been able to figure out what it meant to have a good marriage, only because he, who isn't even a child of yours made a wrong decision...I thank you for forgiving me for my lack of faith and perseverance ... Lord, forgive me for questioning your faithfulness and love..put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. ( Psalm 130:7) I was shaken to the core and shockingly to me I lost sight, even if only for a while, of WHO I have in heaven...who is on my side, who is the One who carries me when the going gets tough... Lord, I needed to repent for putting my trust in people, a house and "steps to take"... I thank you for not letting go of me even as I was trying to run away from you... It took a sermon, a Adult Learning Committee meeting at my church, the prospect of being able to help others to help work through what I am going through at the moment, a connection with another ministry opportunity that the Lord had been putting on my heart for the last few years and bringing 3 ladies into my life in a matter of 2 days that I even now was able to convey God's comfort and love to... ..Isn't our God an amazing orchestrator of events? Today my prayer is a cry to my Lord, telling Him I need Him... over and over again, often that is all I can say, when the sadness, the loneliness and the pain overwhelm me, He has taught me one thing, on a much deeper level then ever before... the fact that I am fully dependent on Him, I am desperate for Him, that I need to surrender and trust Him for leading me through the time of trial, the time that the Lord allows in my life to refine me, to teach me and discipline me, to make me a little more like Him... to use me better, let His light shine through me and bless those He will gather around me... Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7-11) I am your daughter, what a blessing it is to be sure of that fact because you care enough to allow me to go through hardship and trial... and today I am sure once again of this: But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. Job 23:10 Praise the Lord oh my soul, He who crowns me with love and compassion, and satisfies my desires with good things ( I took the liberty of putting a few verses of Psalm 103 in a different order...)