Beauty from Ashes??? He is in total control, the Sovereign God, the Creator of the Universe... "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted... . Job 42:2... .or before, as God challenges Job, Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me... Job 41:11 He loves me. He chose me before the beginning of time... He asked me to abide in Him, to be obedient and He promised to be my shelter, my father, my Rock, my deliverer... So how then did He seem so far, so disinterested, so uncaring? I had tried to be obedient, to accept suffering, I had confessed and my heart was changed, I was committed to my marriage, even though life with my husband had been painful, complicated, full of criticism, verbal and emotional abuse.. He had opened my eyes how I had given up on my marriage an retreated... built my own defense mechanisms...I repented, I loved my husband with no conditions, honoring came easily, respecting him, even though he had not changed, but God had opened my eyes, I could see my husband with God's eyes..and I was soooo excited, so full of hope, so close, walking with my Saviour.. Then the first blow...my husband telling me he didn't love me anymore... how, God, why now, God... there had to be a reason, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God wouldn't just do this to me, change my heart and for it to be too late... I was going to show him how I had changed, I was going to love him and convince him that the changes were real. He declared he wasn't sure if he believed anymore either..this was a spiritual battle for his soul.. that's why God had changed my heart , to love him with the unconditional love that only comes from God... Things were tough, but I kept praying and trusting... when asked if there was another woman he always said no, so I prayed and asked God to help me to trust and not be suspicious, but also to bring to light what was hidden in the darkness... 6 weeks into the ordeal I woke up one morning and felt the urge to try to get into my cousins e-mail account... I got on, and there was the proof... they were having an affair...on my way to the church, to see my mentor and my pastor I screamed so loud, like an animal that had been hit by a car... . hurt beyond comprehension, shocked and terrified... we prayed, again, willing to do what is right. I called him and asked him to come home to talk about this. I asked him to decide, break up or leave...I had already forgiven him and was willing to trust again, he chose to stay...the best 2 1/2 half months of our relationship came and went...God was so good, He was blessing us... but then things started to feel weird again, my husband became more distant...again... and one week before Christmas he just left..he had never broken up with my cousin, they continued to communicate... He tossed me and the girls aside like garbage... When he e-mailed me to break up with me I was alone at home...just my little puppies were there with me... .. and again I screamed... and rolled on the floor, my dogs were so scared...I called my mentor and when the kids came home I told them... I know that only by God's grace were we able to make ot through the next week, through Christmas... . God was surrounding us with friends, bringing food, presents, going grocery shopping, cleaning and reading scriptures to me and praying with us... these first 2 weeks are a blur, a fog... my eyes still get teary when I think about it... how was this what God could have in mind...how was this His best, for me, for my daughters... ... ... . to be continued