... just love for them all.....

.. just looked at a picture I took of my mother when she was still totally out of it, with all the machines and tubes... a picture I took so that we could show her how bad it was, because she wouldn't remember... for the first time giving in to my tears... she was so very fragile and helpless... my love for her overflowing..... feeling bad about that last post... I am just so sad that this is what has been going on.... sad mainly for her... missing out on the wonderful joy that fellowship with Jesus brings..
...life has never been the same for me since that day in June 1994....when I received the Holy Spirit.... when all my guilt and shame was taken away and all my questions where finally answered.... when the void within me was filled.... when I ceased to search .... the joy and excitement has never left me.... the security and peace is something I am sure I will never ever lose again.....

I really just want for all my loved ones to know this deep feeling of belonging.... I want them to feel as loved as I am feeling...I want them to know that there is a purpose to their life...

talking to a friend today, explaining to her that I am okay with the fact that MY (EX) husband is getting married and that my kids are going to be involved in this wedding... causing them all kinds of emotional turmoil... explaining that because I have forgiven him for leaving us I have accepted to be sad, rather than being angry and vengeful, I am motivated to do all in my power to make dealing with a broken family as easy as possible on my kids... being there for them as much as I can...

living with an acceptance of hurt and pain, trusting that He would only allow things like this to happen if there was a real purpose accomplished with it... refining me and making me more like Him... I have been carried by Him, whenever I needed it,... He has blessed me for my obedience and I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will never leave me or forsake me... He is all I need... ( and that does not mean that I am not longing for this godly man in my life..sometimes more and sometimes less)
pain is part of my life like it is for everyone... it is what I by His grace do with it that makes that huge difference....

that's what I want for my loved ones... even  for my "Ex".... praying that he can see His love at work in me.... and that one day even he will come and bend his knee before the Lord of Lords and admit his need for a Saviour.... stubborn Germans... all of them ;)