at the same time she realizes how much all these tubes are bothering and hurting her.... no roses without thorns .... not an easy road...
..less sedation allows her body to function better, muscles to work, less painkiller allows the intestines to work better... a lot of pain stresses her... circulation has to get stronger on it's own before the tube that goes down her larynx can be removed, the fluid that was pumped into her to support her organs as they were dealing with the septic shock during the first few days ( a total of 14 liter!!!!) needs to be eliminated, for that blood pressure and pulse need to be strong enough on their own... it seems it is hard to find a balance, but somehow her body has been responding relatively well..... the woman in this ICU bed today looked so much more like my mother than before, it made me glad but at the same time so much more aware how difficult it will be.....
we can't wait for her to wake up, for her this means she is becoming aware more and more what is happening to her, she will have to find out that she almost died, has had a piece of her intestine removed, has to deal with a colostomy for at least 3 months, eventually she will have to learn that a tumor was found... we definitely will not tell her that right away... still praying for it to be benign...
this will be very traumatic for her...
so thankful though that we are having to deal with those problems now.. the alternative would have been devastating...
"in this world you will have trouble, but I have overcome the world..."
He is going to be there for the long run... if through this all my mother finally will surrender and realize her need for a relationship with Jesus Christ it will have been worth the trouble and pain...
looking for her medication to let the nurse know what she was on I saw all the books and little cards she surrounds herself with... it makes me angry how deceitful Satan is.. all those titles sound so enticing... so close to the real thing to trick unsuspecting people that want to strive to be a good person - many of the goals right along with what God has for us -... into believing they can, have to do it on their own... leading them further and further away from the One and Only who is the answer to all the questions of life....
the time we have here is gone in a blink of an eye.... it is over before we know it ... realized that 6 days ago... fights and quarrels such a waste of time... need to pray more and talk less.... ask to have the grace not to take things personally and get defensive but rather allow Christ's love to flow freely from me to those around me... can't do it on my own, but He can... need my mother, father and brother to meet HIM....
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