...make me a mirror, a reflection of you....

.. taking a break with a nice Egg salad Sandwich  and a Coke from the most wonderfully delicious Glen Oven Bakery.. I think I deserve it... my back hurts and I am pretty much done with the heavy lifting... (going to my regular massage a little later on..  :)
I am always thinking and praying when I am alone, thanking God for all the blessings in my life.. so as I was driving back home, with the car full of laundry baskets and other containers.. I was once again blown away... I so do not deserve the way He looks after me... the way He is always there and works things out..
last night I lost it with two of my daughters and as much as I think I am not so wrong in what I am upset about I definitely am so far from where I should be if I want to be a mirror, a reflection of my Lord..
An older song from Natalie Grant kind of goes like this...  ( and you guessed it.. I was listening to it in my car)


I've been silent instead of speaking up
Gave my advice instead of giving love
I have been unfair, faithless and unkind
I have shut my eyes just so I would stay blind
It's not what I meant to do
'Cause I wanna honor you

Make me over, make me new
Make me a mirror, a reflection of you
Take me all apart
Take me to your heart and pull me closer
Oh, Jesus, make me over

Take away the pride that whispers in the dark
Take the stone out of the middle of my heart
Hidden underneath my insecurities
Is the servant that you've destined me to be
But day after precious day
I get in my own way....

Make me over....

and on it goes.... it makes me cry, even as I am reading this again... I broke down right there while driving through the only little tunnel we have here ( no worries, I am woman, capable of multitasking... driving and breaking down crying all at once)... and I asked Him to take me all apart and have His way with me......

was thinking again about why He would even care... what He sees in me like I said in my last blog... I am such a disappointment to Him over and over again... you know, when He convicts me of my sin other than being totally broken-hearted I am also feeling tremendously loved.... What is it, He sees in me....and the fact is... it has nothing to do with me, and it has all to do with Him, nothing to do with who I am, but who He is...the dimension of this love is too lofty for me to even try to understand... but like I said earlier... I am blessed to an extent that leaves me in awe and so full of Thanksgiving, praise and worship just bursts out of me, like there is no tomorrow...
He LOVES me..... how can I not once again pledge my allegiance to Him.. my dearest Abba Father, my King and Redeemer..