... standing firm means being obedient???????

love when we can take part in the Worship service, singing in a spontaneous choir or sharing a verse of scripture that is especially meaningful like last Sunday...

I have so many to choose from but I chose this one:

You do not need to fight in this battle, stand firm, hold your position and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, oh Judah and Jerusalem ( or personalized as I like it : oh Miriam )

Do not be afraid, do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them and the Lord will be with you!

2 Chronicles 20:17

having had to hold on to this one in rather scary situations like coming back from rushing to Switzerland to be with family when my mother so very suddenly passed away in April of 2016,  having "violated" my immigration status by leaving the country - how could I have not gone - God was indeed faithful and all He wanted me to do was to stand on His promise... and not be anxious...

the immigration process was complicated by this quite a bit and for sure delayed a long time, but, what we feared the most, me not being allowed back into the country, did not happen.
I saw the salvation of the Lord on my behalf!!!!

another time when because of business done in my name a long time ago,  I potentially could have lost all I had, the Lord once again went before me and blew my mind by the salvation I was able to see on my behalf....


but, since the Word of God is indeed living and active, sharper than a two edged sword and piercing to the division of soul and spirit ( and does it ever... ) there this morning, praying and reflecting on a conflict that's been going on for a while... He, my most precious father and king, showed me something new...


yes, this is an amazing promise God made to His people, and to me, but all of a sudden I realized something that I hadn't seen before...

standing firm... and so far I thought that meant to stand on the truth that God keeps His promises and to trust Him ( which it for sure means ) in this newer scenario it meant something a bit different, a bit more personal...

standing firm means not wavering, not moving away from what is God's will, His good and acceptable and perfect will... His will, that is the very best for me...

His will is revealed to me in His Word, and really, to me anyways, it basically means His will for me is to be obedient... to His will... to what He told me.

so when it says respect your husband, put him first right after God, then that's what I need to stand firm on.

and when it says do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit and count others more significant than yourselves... then that's what I have to stand firm on.

when it says look to the interests of others and not only your own.. then that's what I have to stand firm on

when it says forgive like your Father in heaven has forgiven you, then I need to stand firm on that...

when it says as far as it is up to you, pursue peace, then I need to stand firm on that.......

and then, because He is faithful, and merciful and gracious and in His purposeful goodness has chosen me to be His, then I see the salvation of the Lord on my behalf...
and for that I will praise Him forever and ever, Amen

no New Years resolutions ????

it's that time again... all the social media sites and all conversations seem to be centering on what will all be better next year... next year ... that's only 13 1/2 more hours ..
New Years resolutions...  was asked if I had any by a friend who knows me well...
she knew my answer before I even opened my mouth..

I have NONE!

I don't believe in New Years resolutions..
I don't believe in just because tomorrow's date will have a different number as the year, we need to come up with all those big ideas for change for the better...
I don't believe in all the many failures.. all the frustration that comes when all those new and lofty goals aren't being reached..

I just don't do it...

there is nothing wrong with making decisions to change things,
there is nothing wrong with new motivation to make better choices,
about food, exercising, traveling, seizing the moment. being kinder, working harder, saving more, enjoying more and all that..

I just don't get the hype..
aren't we always working on those things?
aren't we always called to improve?
shouldn't we take care of our relationships, bodies, health, finances etc at all times?

truth is...
we all have really good intentions.. at times.. we do get motivated.. and we get going.. we make ourselves get going... and we try.. try real hard.. and then something comes up and we fail..

truth is..
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

I have seen it in myself and in others.. it is true.. we can't make it happen without Him helping us.

but if we do... if we surrender all those great things and changes and all that to Him.. if we rely on Him for everything, depend on Him, open our fists and let go of the control, if we open our hands and receive what it is He has for us.. then this is true:

 I can do all things through him who strengthens me..

that's the truth..
found in the Book, the Word He gave us, the Word He is.. the truth, that contains all we need for life and godliness.. it's all there right there at our fingertips..

so.. all those amazing resolutions .. they are all nice.. if I was forced and had to come up with one.. it would always be the same.. the new goal for every new day..

to know HIM more, to focus on HIM more, to follow HIM more, to serve HIM more..

there.. ok, there it is.. my right now and every tomorrow resolution.. by His grace and His strength..

..."God at Work" .... His purposeful goodness teaching us ...

when sharing some of my "God at work" story with my church family this Christmas I was a bit disappointed that some of the things that I think God has taught me through my trials didn't make it on the video.. how hard is it to condense one's life down to 5 minutes... ;)  ( our Worship pastor did an AMAZING job editing this video - so blessed by him )

this is one of them right here: ( wrote this 7 years ago, so very true still today )




"The blessings we enjoy are Divine deposits, committed to our trust on this condition, they be dispensed for the benefit of our neighbors." ( a tweet I saw )


 Blessings a deposit from God to be passed on... hmmmmm...

If I think of my children and the way they bless me, they make my heart overflow with love and this love then makes its way to others.. I am more considerate, caring and loving with those around me..
If I think of material blessings.. that's easy, not use this all for myself, but give and share with others that are not as fortunate..
Other blessings could be time, I have been blessed pretty much most of my life as a mother by the fact that I did not have to work outside the house but could be there for my children.. as they grew older I used the blessing of my free time to get involved in ministry at my church, blessing others with the time I had by investing in their lives.
Talents and skills are blessings that should be shared for the benefit of others... a beautiful voice or a talent for organizing events.. there are always opportunities to bless others with the gifts we have been given..


In short, I guess it comes down to one thing... we were made for community... we were made a certain way to fulfill a certain purpose, we are given certain skills, talents, opportunities  and blessings throughout our lives to share them with those around us.
The Sovereign God  has us in exactly the right place at the right time and we , like living stones are used to built His temple... in the community of our families, our churches, our schools, workplaces etc. There are no randoms in our lives... the blessings we receive are, like this tweet said it so well, Divine deposits... like everything we have, just given to us  for safekeeping and to be used for the furthering of the Kingdom...


There is nothing about anyone of us that is useless and random... there is no experience negative or positive that is not purposefully woven into the tapestry of our lives... we are not an island, we are part of a community, a family... a Kingdom...
We all are important and have significant roles to play... we are gifted and valued...


Since becoming a Christian so long ago I have been filled with gratitude and awe regarding this fact... I have rejoiced in the opportunities to serve and to pass on the blessing... how empty and hollow my life would have been had I just kept all those treasures to myself... It is a blessing to be able to share oneself with those around us.... God made us that way... we thrive when we share the deposits He makes into our lives....


As we are approaching a New Year I am excited about the opportunities this year will bring, opportunities to bless... and be blessed... to live a life in community with other believers and unbelievers... sharing all the blessings and in turn be blessed beyond anything I could ever wish for...


Be assured that the service opportunities are right there for you... just ask God to open your eyes.. He has you where you can make a difference for someone... share His love, be generous...... it is better to give than to receive.....

shouting my sins from the rooftops... say what?????

over the last few days I have been hearing something from my best friend, Jesus that is, He has been telling me I need to shout my sins from the rooftops....
living in an atmosphere of what seems to me a bit more judgemental ... I believe He wants me to be real and authentic and share the bad and the ugly
and I do not have a problem with that at all!


I am 53 years old.
my first 28 years I lived in Germany.
the next 23 years I lived in Canada.
the last 2 years and a bit I have been living in West Michigan.



the first 30 years of my life I was what I came to understand to be a "nominal" Christian ( someone who by association / tradition believes in God / Jesus etc. but has not personally encountered the Saviour )
the last 23 years and 5 months I have been walking in close fellowship with Him, who gave His life to save me, have been committed to becoming more and more who He wants me to be and spurned on by the gratitude for what He has done for me, I have chosen to stand firm on the truth He has been and continues to reveal to me through His Word.

one of the ways this works itself out in my life is that I have not hidden anything from those around me. having been accepted and forgiven by the God of the Universe I have no reason whatsoever to be too concerned about what others are thinking about me, I do not need to worry about approval of men since I have the only thing that counts already... the approval of God!

in the first 30 years of my life, for the most part trying to live up to moral standards taught to me by my parents and the society I lived in, I, as I later learned sinned quite a bit....

• sex outside marriage
• abortion
• divorce

I could tell you that my father was never around and when he was, he was not interested in me ( and that was the best case scenario )
I could tell you that I was sexually assaulted at age 15
I could tell you that my mother told me to not have sex as early as some of my friends ( as early as 14 ) and I listened, I was 20
I could tell you that I did not know that it was a sin to have sex outside of marriage
I could tell you that I got pregnant the first time I did... and I could tell you that again my beloved mother ( who also didn't understand any different, but thankfully met her Saviour 3 years before she passed away after a long battle with cancer a year and a half ago )  advised me to have an abortion, telling me that my life was just starting and this would never work.
I could tell you about the horrible depression I fell into right after, the guilt I felt for 10 years, the way this made me get married far too young for the worst reasons ( the need for a replacement baby - the need to find out if God would punish me by not being able to have a child )
l could tell you that believing the lie that it would be better for my children to have a peaceful life without their father than being in a family that wasn't working, was what informed my decision to leave my husband....
I could tell you that I didn't know that God hated divorce


all those things are true.
all those things are still my sins.

coming to Canada after my first attempt at grown-up life had failed, I met and in a matter of 3 months moved in with my new boyfriend, who, again, couldn't meet my needs, no surprises here, as I couldn't meet his, in my desperation I started praying to God to reveal Himself to me... I prayed every day for 6 months.. I remember exactly what I kept saying to Him... "there has to be more to you, to this life than this, than all I had learned about you in religious classes at school and catechism classes "( yes, I had to take those to be confirmed in the Lutheran church )

searching for Him in all the wrong places I am thankful that He never let me be satisfied with any of the counterfeit stuff like astrology, new age and other religions...

so then, when in June of 1994 he directed me to go to church with our neighbours and I heard the gospel preached for the very first time, I couldn't stop crying and the overwhelming joy of meeting Him and realizing what He had done for me has never left me since.

I got involved in Small group right away and a few months later I lead my first Bible Study... I have served in all kinds of different ministries, have been a Women's Ministry director, a Biblical Counselor, the Director of a Pregnancy Center, Adult Sunday School coordinator, Worship team singer, Mission team member and so much more.

God blessed me with a church family that loved me and when my second husband left me, supported me and showed me the love of Christ.
I was blessed by Elders and staff that cheered me on and made it possible for me to follow the calling God gave me to open a Pregnancy Center ... sharing my testimony about my abortion in front of my whole church at our Grand Opening was something I felt I could do, since God asked me to, and, believe it or not, had forgiven me for....

I did not choose my family. I did not choose my circumstances. the culture I was born into.
but I did choose to sin.

my sins nailed Jesus to the cross
my "big" sins and my "small" sins...
He paid for them all

I wish I hadn't made those choices, but I know also that because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am a sinner in desperate NEED of a SAVIOUR, I am in a great place.
I know that I cannot live my life in any way that is pleasing to Him without Him being the One who does that through me.
I know that I am depending on Him for EVERYTHING.
I know that I am not contributing anything.
I am eternally grateful for His forgiveness and the new life He has given me.
I am relying on Him for all that I need
and I love Him, so much, that I do not even know what to do with it at times
I love Him so much that doing the hard stuff, the forgiving and loving anyways is a no brainer for me.
I am thankful that what I and others in my life meant for evil , He from the beginning of the world meant for good and that He in His most wonderful sovereignty is working it all out for HIS GLORY..
and, ultimately even for my best.

I don't deserve Him, and what He did for me and that's why this is my life motto:

SOLI DEO GLORIA

You are the Lord of my tomorrows

a question from yesterday's Bible study: 

when facing trials and tribulations.... do you trust God.. do you believe He is trustworthy, do you believe that He is good??????????

looking back on the 23 years of being a Christ follower I have indeed come to know Him as trustworthy, have come to know Him as loving, gracious, full of mercy and GOOD... all the time..

I have come to know Him in the midst of my trials, when my husband cheated and walked away, when my mother got so very sick, when a lawsuit was filed against me that would have destroyed and taken away all my worldly goods, when the dysfunction and sorrow caused by my extended family reached new heights... 

I met Him when what I was hoping for did not come true. when frantic prayers were not answered the way I wanted them to be...

when the marriage did come to an end, when my mother succumbed to the cancer that could not be stopped, when more and more abuse was heaped on top of what was already there...

when I found out that my hope is not in changing circumstances but in Him, and that He, and that is the most wonderful thing, will never change...

I now know Him to be worthy of my trust. I know that all He ever orchestrates or allows is the very best for me...

facing new and troubling scenarios I ( after first still getting frazzled and afraid ) I choose to think about that which is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, anything that is excellent and praiseworthy... knowing that the Lord is near, I choose to rejoice and give Him all my requests by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving and His peace floods my heart and my mind.... and it is all because of Him....

I have come to know that I am in the best place when I am weak, when I know that I cannot control anything and surrender it all to Him, because in my weakness He is strong, He is glorified the most... 

I have no good thing apart from my Lord, and only because of Him do I have fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore.

remembered this song from 7 years ago.... and it is still so very true:

Here I am a sinner

Broken and in need of You

Take my life and wash my fears away

For You are the Great I AM

Rest assured, I feel Your hand

Holding me until the darkness clears

A Father to the fatherless

Redeemer of my soul

My Life is Yours forever

I want the world to know

Your mercy saved me

Mercy made me whole

Your mercy found me

Called me as Your own

Here I stand a child of Yours

Broken and in need of You

Break these chains and wash my guilt away

Healer of my brokenness

My weary soul will find its rest

You are my strength, the lifter of my head

You're greater than my yesterdays

You hold me close today

You're the Lord of my tomorrows

My heart will always say

You're greater than my yesterdays

You hold me close today

You're the Lord of my tomorrows

My heart will always say

You called me as Your own

Thank You for Your mercy

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

    to the soul who seeks him.

Lamentations: 3:25

The Lord is good to all,

    and his mercy is over all that he has made.

Psalm 145:9

repaid according to my mess ups???

today is a new day. 

a glorious day.

yesterday's broken moments do not have to define my today.

His mercies are new.

so is His grace.

so is His love

He won't deal with me according to my sins,

He will not repay me according to my mess ups

so I don't have to either.

sin done against me yesterday 

doesn't have to ( and really shouldn't ) be carried into my new day.

be angry and do not sin. do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil.

forgive, because you have been forgiven.

so today,

it most definitely holds enough worries of its own,

no need to still carry yesterdays worry and hurt.

someone hurt me yesterday

and he shouldn't have

but because of what Jesus has done for me,

I can ( and have to ) let it go.

instead of dwelling on past hurts 

I can press on. 

I might not even want to, but I need to.

fixing my eyes on Him who gives me all that I need at all times

and live in a manner worthy of my calling.

called to be loving unconditionally.

NO CONDITIONS

love because He first loved me.

living He loved me

dying He saved me

buried He carried my sins far away

rising, He justified freely forever

one day He's coming

oh glorious day !

no matter the struggles - entrusting my soul

this last few days I have been reading through many of my old blog posts from 7 years ago and I have been reminded of a couple of things...

one is, how hard it was. another is how amazing God is. and yet another one how blessed I am today.

many of the things that were hard right after my husband left our family for good have changed for the better, many are still hard. new losses have occurred and things that looked a certain way are looking different now.

the one thing that has not changed is that the One who was there to help me through this very dark and tumultuous time is the same today as He was then. He actually has always and will always be the same.

how cool is that?

His love for me is the same today, yup, and I do hope that I am following Him closer now, that He has indeed changed me and made me more like Him in the last 7 years... but even if I hadn't changed much and even when I do struggle still today, He loves me the same He did when He first opened my eyes to see me for who I was and when I saw Him clearly for the very first time..  and my need for His salvation, the forgiveness of my sins, past, present and future...

walking with Him today looks different at times, yet He still meets all my needs.

losing my mother was / is hard, seeing some of my very loved ones walking away more and more...
having had to leave behind the ministry God gave me and finding my way in a new place, with new people, different dynamics and different hang ups... not that easy at times.. encountering scary things like the prospect of losing all my earthly belongings, immigration issues, hard hard stuff happening in the life of a loved one... all this has kept me on my knees, desperate for Him, with the need  to know Him even more, to search His scriptures and to hold on to them...

committed to walking in a manner worthy of the Lord's calling I have had to dig deep at times.. when He called me to love the one that has caused so much heartache to me and others, I found myself struggling, walking rather discouraged and subdued He showed me that nothing could take my joy away.. that when I didn't really feel any joy much in my daily existence, when discouragement seemed to be far too big to be dealt with He told me to look at Galatians 5... the passage about the flesh and the Spirit... memorizing it all I chose to stand on the truth that joy, like love, peace, patience,  kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are fruit of the Spirit who lives in me.. and that made me think:

He lives in me. this fruit it mine. it is there for the living, for the taking. I don't have to jump through some hoops and somehow ramp up my walk as a Christian... He is in me.

memorizing Psalm 16 helped as well.... the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance... for He makes known to me the path of life, in His presence there is FULLNESS of JOY, at His right hand there are pleasures forevermore.....

when my circumstances and the resulting feelings want to make me feel like Eeyore under that black cloud, and let's face it, this has been my go to place by nature, I instead will recall from memory what He has promised. what He has revealed to all of us in His Word... and I am taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, choosing to stand firm in my faith, resist the devil who prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour, I hold my position because I know that He is fighting my battles and I do not need to... I just have to watch the Salvation of the Lord on my behalf...

the passing away of my mother last year has been tremendously painful, but it showed me something very profound as well....

if you are sure that you have been saved, if you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are His disciple, ( a little hint: if you keep my commandments , you will abide in my love,  just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His love. - Jesus )
then you can be sure of eternity with Him, and when we get there one day, all of the trouble that we for sure are facing while in this world will be forgotten and will not mean anything anymore... He Himself, the God of all grace has called us to His eternal glory and He will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us.... when we finally meet Him face to face He will wipe away every tear and we will live with Him, praising Him forever...

so... take heart, our Saviour, our precious Jesus has overcome the World... He came to give us life abundantly, so that we would have joy to the full and peace... a peace that surpasses all understanding....


and I know that this is a FACT!

so let's entrust our souls to a faithful Creator, while doing good... no matter the circumstances, the world falling apart around us, no matter the suffering...
and represent Him well! It's what we are here for!

A Psalm of Praise.. for the Lover of my Soul

Jesus,

The great red dawning that rises over the mountains of all eternity.

The shining bridge of stars that arches up and up and gives us a path from earth into heaven’s throne room.

To our ship, battered in a storm He is the lighthouse.

He brings the message of eternity to us over the vast gulf of time.

He is the well of our hope.

He  is the reason our hope endures.

He has brought us so much more than the happiness we might wish for.

He has stretched out His arms in humility so that 

the gap between us and a Holy God could be bridged.

He was the lamb without blemish, sacrificed for our transgressions, once and for all.

Without Him we would be forever caught in the futility of ever striving and never arriving.

Without Him there would be no light, only darkness. 

Without His unfailing love there would be NO HOPE.

Let us Praise Him,

Let us bow down before Him in eternal gratitude and awe.

In the Beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was  God, He was with God in the beginning.

He, who being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God 

something to be grasped,

but made Himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

 being made in human likeness..

..he humbled Himself 

and became obedient to death,

even death on a cross!

Let us Praise Him and Worship Him,

Let us come before Him with thankfulness in our hearts.

Because we are the people walking in darkness,

who have seen a great light.

We rejoice in you, oh Lord and Saviour,

Oh Father of the fatherless,

Oh Lover of the souls of all the lonely and rejected.

We love You because You first loved us...

You considered us worth dying for 

even while we were still your enemies,

dead in our transgressions.

Let us Praise You, Jesus, 

Lord of Lords

and King of Kings

Brother and Friend,

You are worthy of our Praise

Both now and forever more!!!

Last post: one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead

I started blogging in June 2010.. I have had 24,700 page views on here, from all over the world ..
God has used the blogging, or "public journaling" to guide me through the last 2 years, a time of deep sadness and turmoil..
I am marking this day as the day I have officially felt released from the journey through this last valley..
I am aware that God in His love for me will continue to allow difficulties to shape me and refine me, make me more like Him, but I needed to acknowledge that I am no longer defining myself as the woman who is going through the turmoil caused by her tragic marriage break up, the woman, who so never, ever wanted to get divorced again (now that she had found out it was against God's will ), who never wanted it for her kids and who was betrayed and abandoned..
this is my past, thanks to God I have been healed, there are scars, but no more open wounds.. there will always be moments of sadness but I am NOT defined by those..
I am a child of God, a grateful follower of Jesus Christ, someone who knows and accepts that in this world we will have troubles, and I  know that my Jesus has overcome the world : For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I am His daughter, the daughter of the King, chosen, adopted and loved eternally..

so there.. this is why I have started a new blog:
www.beyondtheturmoil2301.blogspot.com  Beyond the Turmoil : A Tender Reed He will not Break!!!!
Hope to see y'all there :)

...life threatening situations.. He makes all things beautiful !

feeling a little bit better but still pretty beaten up, I was just reminded that our life here on earth is troublesome and full of sickness, sadness and difficulty.. we are withering away and our time here is short.. we are like a vapour..

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

( James 4:13-14)

just added another person to my acute cancer prayer list, making it 6 at the moment..
praying for my parents salvation and health, my mother ignoring her health problems and putting herself in danger of dying of a heart attack without a hospital in adequate proximity..
praying for family issues to be resolved and peace to be restored, praying for wisdom and guidance for myself and my children, for healing and protection ...
our days are numbered and each of them have been written in the book of life... our loving Father in Heaven cares for us and wants to meet us in those difficult times..
I have experienced His comfort often and so I am asking Him to grant the family members of those facing the reality of cancer and other life threatening illnesses the same comfort...
I know that He can envelope us in an embrace so warm and soft it allows the tears of grief and fear and sadness to flow freely, knowing that He has all our lives in His capable hands..
visited today by beloved, caring people, I felt His love... I am thankful.. what would we all do without Him, our Heavenly Father, who loves us more than anyone ever will?
lifting up those around me before His throne, knowing that He will make all things beautiful in His time!

In His time, In His Time

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Lord please show me every day

As your teaching me Your way

That You do just what You say 

In Your time.

In Your time, In Your Time

You make all things beautiful in Your time.

Lord my life to You I bring 

May each song I have to sing

Be to you a lovely thing 

In Your time.

..growing pains.. or "going through the middle"

sitting on my couch, icepack on my head, trying to recover from "major dental surgery" I thought it would be fun to share another little Cruise tidbit with y'all :)
last port before arriving in Boston was Bar Harbour, Maine.. the coast of Maine has been on my list of places I would like to visit for some time so I booked an excursion that sounded interesting..
Cadillac mountain was beautiful with picturesque views of the stunning coast line of Maine, second stop on this excursion was the Oceanarium... the lobster museum to be precise..
other than the fact that the owner and guide was a Christian who was delighted to have a group of believers as his visitors, him sharing some pretty cool stories of how God has used him to witness to other tourists, him praying for us at the end.. he also gave us some very surprising information about lobsters..
learned that lobsters live 50-100 years, that Maine Lobstermen put female lobsters back into the water so that they can continue to have thousands of lobster babies :)
the most amazing fact though was this: lobsters shed their shell, 25 times a year in the first few years of their lives and once a year or even only every 3-4 years when they are older...
an enzyme makes the shell and the connective points softer and it takes lobsters about 15 minutes to half an hour to get out of their  shell, while "molting"  they absorb water which makes them grow about 20 % of their size... for 6-8 weeks their new shell is too soft to protect them from their predators and so they stay hidden away, bury themselves in mud and eat voraciously, often eating their old shell because of the minerals it contains..

amazed at the detail in God's Creation, seems funny to me that some people would think some big bang and random selection would be able to create something that perfectly put together..
what struck me most was that in order to grow, lobsters have to shed the old, ( I am sure the shedding / molting is not an easy task...) that it leaves them vulnerable for a time and they hide away, feeding on what gives them strength to emerge bigger and stronger in the end...
sounds familiar? sounds to me like the growing times the Lord has for us.. painful, shedding something old, in order to be changed, retreating during the vulnerable times and hiding in His arms, being nurtured and emerging stronger and wiser...

always have loved lobster... eating lobster that is.. oopsies.. but I really appreciate them now, after meeting the old Christian Lobsterman from Maine.. so blessed to have met him, another little tidbit my Jesus had for me.. thought I'd share this.. :)

.. dental surgery and a HUGE loss :(

today has been a very sad day... I forgot to tell someone something, and then it was too late...
this morning I took 2 "Dopey" pills to be sedated for my dental surgery... no fun, still felt too much of the pulling and drilling for my taste but wasn't awake enough to tell the dental surgeon something...
you see, two of the three teeth he pulled before drilling the six implants into my jaw bone ( :S )
have been with me for 46 and a half years... yes, they were my baby canine teeth.... and I would have liked to take them home... my friend Cindy suggested I should put them under my pillow and I thought I could have expected a nice cheque the next morning... after all there was no tooth fairy around, when I was little over there in Germany..
but all jokes aside I thought I would have liked to have kept them...
they were good friends to me these tiny little things... served me well, and I would have liked to give them a place of honour in my jewellery box... I might have even put them in the box I keep all my kid's little baby teeth in... ( shhhh, don't tell them or they will know there is no tooth fairy )
anyways... in a daze most of the day and in quite some pain, no fun... today must also have been the hottest day, and somehow my little AC had no chance, it was steaming hot all day... or maybe it only felt like that to me.... in my daze.....
feeling rather raw and achy I was just feeling a little sorry for myself... but I have no one to blame but my father :) whose genes made me miss 12 out of my 32 grown up teeth... and myself, for finally wanting to be done with partials and other fake things in my mouth...
"wer schön sein will, muss leiden" my mother always said... there is suffering involved with being made beautiful... oh well....
true for beauty outside and inside, as I am well acquainted with ... I shall take another painkiller and try to sleep... ttfn...

.. guard your heart and remain faithful to your wife...

home again, laundry done and ready for a new week.. church today.. learned something again on this Cruise... I am immensely blessed to be part of a church whose leadership are godly and humble people, committed to living according to the Word... we definitely are blessed richly, and even though, for that reason, Satan has tried to wreck havoc many times in the last 8 years or so, the church is going forward, and the gates of hell are being pushed back.. authenticity and truth and love are alive at Georgetown Alliance Church .. Praise God!!!

okay.. so, the reading of the scripture from today, Malachi 2:10-16 made me a bit weepy.. a wave of sadness was triggered for sure.. this is what it says:

Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure.  You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

the reason for marriage? godly offspring... the wife being overwhelmed by the cruelty of divorce..  the effect on the children... sad.. and true... 

something I have been hearing from my Lord... I know how much I contributed to my marriage not being the way it should have been.. I did strive to obey God and I learned a lot.. commitment for me was never an issue... what He has been doing in my life for the last two and a half years has been incredible... I am going to have to rest in His will and be content in all circumstances... the last week was great, and even though there were moments when the fact that the bigger part of the Cruisers were married couples made me feel sad and alone, the blessing of it all was far bigger....

for the sake of the future of Christ's Church I am praying that my children will turn out to be godly women, despite the heartache they had to endure, to in turn make wise decisions, guided by their commitment to the Lord, and one day have godly, committed husbands and godly offspring.. ( looking forward to spoiling those little munchkins )

@michaelwsmith and friends cruise.. starting to reflect..

..at the airport in Boston.. Logan Airport... did not even take 15 minutes to get here from the Cruise Terminal... waiting for the plane that is taking us back to Toronto I am reflecting on the last week...
over the last year or so a new level of awareness has slowly been settling in..
more and more moments of contentment and deep joy.. surprising at first, new last summer, the realization that so much tension and stress had left me.. the threatening thunder clouds had disappeared and I was slowly relaxing, allowing myself to feel safe in my circumstances, because my Father in Heaven had kept me safe in the most violent storm of my life, I started trusting Him for whatever would come my way..
ok. so long story short.. this time on the Michael W Smith and Friends Cruise a new level of this awareness has come to my attention....
in my life I have never ever enjoyed such all around blessing, and was just able to just take it in..
in a far different place, thanks to God, than on the last Cruise with Michael, back then my heart and soul were just so raw and in such pain that God just really met me in this broken place.. took most of my capacity to process and enjoy... meaningful and needed it was a tremendous blessing..
this time, healed in many ways and content and filled with joy, I was able to take in all aspects of what a Cruise like this offers..
connecting with friends, amazing and uplifting concerts and teaching, beautiful ports and beautiful weather, great food and just the luxury of having everything right at your fingertips was amazing..
I am thanking God for allowing me to be able to just take it in and enjoy it like this, I am in awe that He would bless me this way..


without wanting to offend anyone I have vacationed with before, I have never ever experienced such an amazing trip before..
the FAITHFUL, CONSISTENT and TENDER LOVE of my Father in Heaven has proven to me, in the worst storm of my life so far, that He has me in a very safe place.. no matter what will come my way

for the tension filled, scared child that never could be sure if there wasn't another thunderstorm showing up , out of the blue, no warning, for the woman that had basically lived this way for most of her life, it seems like a miracle to be able to trust enough to come out of her shell .. amazing..

I didn't think I would be able to , but with Him, I could.. who would have thought that.. not me, that's for sure...

Praise be to God, and Him alone!!!!

@michaelwsmith Cruise blessings.. and yet..

days have been early and nights have been long...getting up at 6 to go to the 7 am Devotions..
many things being affirmed but no new exciting message from the Lord.. yet anyways..
my reading, not that much I am hearing this week either, but there was something I read last night, a verse from a Psalm that touched me, so here I am, meditating on Psalm 63.

O God, you are my God;
    

I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
   

 my whole body longs for you 
in this parched and weary land
    

where there is no water.

I have seen you in your sanctuary
   

 and gazed upon your power and glory.

Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
    

how I praise you!

 I will praise you as long as I live,
    

lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
    

I will praise you with songs of joy.

I lie awake thinking of you,
   

 meditating on you through the night.

 Because you are my helper,
    

I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.

 I cling to you;
    

your strong right hand holds me securely.

my soul thirsts, in this dry and weary land.. even when surrounded by so many “good things” my soul is not satisfied.. because I have seen Him in His sanctuary, I know Him in all His splendor and majesty, in His tenderness and compassion, in His power and and His unfathomable glory... I know that only His unfailing love will ever satisfy..
knowing this leads to unending praise.. and devotion.. investing in my relationship with Him is worth more than anything this world has to offer...

great concert last night with Jeremy Camp.. two Michael only concerts, a concert by Audrey Assad, such a special, young, Christian artist, and of course L’ Angelus everywhere .... they are such a refreshing delight... 5 days into the Cruise every aspect of it has been amazing... and yet.. He is who my soul thirsts for..
because He has helped me indeed, in the moments when hurt, pain and disappointment strike, when the brokenness of a sinful world hits you..because He holds me securely in the shadow of His wings, my love for Him knows no end.
all He wants from me to trust Him and to obey Him..... I will spend every moment of this life drawing near to Him, trying with His help to please Him.. I love Him because He first loved me... AMAZING GRACE.....

@michaelwsmith the question and the answer :)

so the question... the one I got to ask at the “former Cruisers” session...
( so great I got chosen again, I guess it helps to know the guy handing out the microphone.. ;)

my question really was for Debbie, who I had seen the day before, head down, trying to walk through the Lido Deck Restaurant without being noticed..
she was supposed to be at this session too... didn’t show up, so I asked Michael..

my question was, how much it costs to be so in the spotlight.. I told him that since I had been so touched by His music, because of how God has used him in my life, I have learned so much about him and his family that I feel since I like them, they would like me too and I really think we should be friends  ;) .. at the same time I respect their privacy.. but still would love, as everyone on this cruise.. to meet them....
Michael was very gracious, as always, and answered that it is really not that bad, he can walk around even on his own street without people making a big fuss about him.. and that He liked to hear from his fans and liked to meet us :) ( he is just far too nice)

so, “great” , I said, “so then we can be friends”.. and he answered, “we are friends already!!!”

the next day we had the picture opportunity and, what can I say, I was first in line.. ( didn’t wait longer than those that took their time to come... they just had to wait to get their turn as much as I had)
getting my moment with MWS he said,”I remember you..” I said,” yeah, we are friends” and we “High fived”... so kind.. anyways.. that was the personal interaction..

then, in the evening.. there he was with his daughter Whitney and little Smith... waving to me.. his friend.. right there in the hallway.. I guess it helps to have the stateroom on the same level :)

for all those that think I am a little over the top, everyone on this Cruise feels the same way, God is using this man in amazing ways, everyone here has a story to tell, and we are not putting him up on a pedestal, he is the first to always point everyone to God..
he and his family are just so authentic and down to earth, while blessing so many..
so for someone with a dysfunctional past like me , seeing them makes me hope and believe a little more that in God’s strength and grace with the chains broken I and my children can break free and establish a Christian legacy of forgiveness, grace and love..
and all the Glory is God’s alone! #SoliDeoGloria

... @michaelwsmith Cruise.. AMAZING!!!!

Monday night.. somewhere on the way to Prince Edward Island.. this Cruise has been amazing so far..
so different this time than 2 years ago... reflecting a lot how good God has been so good to me..
back then, flying to Seattle all by myself, I wondered if I was out of my mind to do something like that.. it turned out to be exactly what Jesus, the Physician and Healer of the heart and soul had prescribed...

this time, flying to Montreal by myself, friends were awaiting my arrival... :)
boarding the Cruise ship the next morning was so exciting.. what a difference..
concerts, devotions and many meals later, and many more of all of the above to come I am feeling so blessed..

2 wonderful women sharing the table with us, so very blessed to have met them, all the young artists on the ship so humble and fun at the same time...
beautiful scenery, amazing friends, great food and entertainment and meeting Michael, his daughter Whitney and Grandson Smith in the hallway, just like that.. can it be anymore exciting than that???

meeting so many people from all over the place, two extra special get togethers with MWS... many more concerts to come.. it for sure is a week of somewhere between heaven and earth... almost a little unreal....

spending my time with my Lord I am blown away by His goodness and grace..
one of the new friends on our table told me she enjoyed that I was so vivacious and outgoing.. funny, because I distinctly have heard my Lord tell me to ask Him to become more quiet and gentle.. :)

left my “baby” Hope for Life behind and have felt guilty about it.. praying the day of my departure that I was leaving the Center in His hands I received an email from my partner a short while later that the Lord had just told her she needed to be at the Center each day... isn’t He just so amazing???

safe in His hands, near to His heart I am enjoying the week of blessing...praising Him with hands and heart lifted high.. to Him alone be the Glory!!

... embarking on the journey.. :)

ready to go, all packed and prepared for the week away I am able to enjoy... my heart open in anticipation of what my Jesus has for me this week..
in the safe and intimate place in my heart where I honour Him as Lord, this is what He has been saying to me...
to be the woman, whose adornment is the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious... to be that wife to the Lord, my maker who is my husband.. to be devoted to Him , respect Him and submit to Him, to trust Him and love Him and to be there for Him, always.. this is my focus today and for the future...
I have far to go to be that way and, having had two chances at being a wife like this before, and blowing it, I will be blessed beyond measure to one day maybe be this kind of wife to a man after God's own heart..
but today I am embarking on a little journey.. blessed beyond all I could ever ask for..
My Jesus is soooo good to me.. I shall praise Him now and forever more, Amen

tell me you love me... over and over without end..

in this morning's time with my Lord He impressed this verse upon my heart..

"but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy" ( 1 Peter 3:15 )

this struck me in a very different way than one would expect.. 

listening to Annie Herring, another song had gotten my attention these last few days.. it's called :

            

Over and Over..

tell me you love me, 

say it again, 

for I'm no good without your love

tell me you love me

say it again

over and over, over and over, over and over

without end

I know we will face hard times 

when the sun will not shine,

and it is through those hard times 

that I need to know you are mine...

and I won't let the sun go down, 

without saying to you

over and over, over and over, over and over 

I love you

I freely give you my heart,

my lover and friend

over and over, over and over, over and over 

without end

the verse, it made me think of how in my heart, in the secret place of intimacy and vulnerability He wants me to honour Him as holy.. as in cherish Him, the closeness and who He is...

this was precious and special... the song resonated with my soul, realizing that I need to hear Him over and over telling me how much He loves me.. but if I do not go to that secret place with Him, if I do not immerse myself in His Word, if I do not have that special time with the Lord, who I am regarding and honouring as holy /  most important / my 1st priority, I am not going to hear Him saying it to me over and over...

not wanting to go with my feelings alone about this, I  just did a little searching.. all cross references of most versions only pointed to the second part of the verse.. so I just looked how different translations have taken a little bit of a different view of this verse..

• you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. 
• but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, 
• but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, 
• through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. 
• set Christ apart as holy in your heart
• honour Christ and let him be the Lord of your life.
• simply concentrate on being completely devoted to Christ in your hearts.
• But make sure in your hearts that Christ is Lord
• Your heart should be holy and set apart for the Lord God

I think I will go with what He impressed upon my heart this morning... that I am to honour Him, the closeness I have, by cherishing it, and making it my highest priority.. that from that will flow what the 2nd part of the verse says:  "always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect..."

sounds like a plan...

..Transformation... quiet and gentle ..

t'was a nice day today.. so blessed by one of our Care Closet client's bringing me a freshly baked Banana Bread... because I am "so sweet"... so very kind of her..
things are moving along with the house Hope for Life is going to move into... God is blessing us and arranging things left, right and centre...
 a sweet, sweet friend indulged my craziness by making a "Fourth of July American Cake" for me and coming over for dinner and a movie.. she even was adequately impressed with my attempt at decorating.. ha..
this morning, when spending time with my God, pondering His Words to me from 1 Peter Chapter 2 I came away with the challenge to become more gentle, humble and quiet..
too bad there is not a CT Scan or something to measure the transformation taking place in one's heart and soul over time..
looking at those whose genes were combined to create me, the environment I grew up in, I know without a shadow of a doubt that He indeed has refined me.. and He is not done yet...
quite amazing actually, the changes that have happened.. makes me rejoice to think that no one is stuck where he or she is..
I  indeed am a new creation, the old has gone.. with the Holy Spirit residing in my soul, His fruit is growing and it is manifested in how I deal with every day life...
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22+23)
more quiet and gentle, more humble... hmmmmm... looking to Him for the power to change even more.. I know He will provide ..
 I always pray with joy  because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now,  being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ( Philippians 5:4-6)
a gentle and quiet spirit.... my heart's desire....