....the smell of death....

...so I was stupid enough to agree to get together with my dad.... I kind of had decided I was not going to try to make them understand how much they are letting me down and hurting me... I was sure that it would not make any difference but just give them more ammunition and gossip material...
The little girl inside of me was naive enough to have some hope and that's why I agreed... I think...


As could be expected my hopes didn't come true... you wonder how long it takes for me to get it...  (I must be quite dense...)


Far from hopes coming true ... more things were said that were hurtful and I am sure I did give them more interesting tidbits about their horrible daughter.. to be shared with others that are shaking their heads about me.


It is interesting, I am disappointed, but it is not hitting me as hard as I would have expected it to.... well, for one, I knew they didn't care about me, I knew they are stuck where they are...


And I have known this for a while as well:


If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. ( John 15:18)


If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. (John 15:19)


I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. (John 17:14)


Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. ( 1 John 3:13)


So maybe this is rather a comfort, knowing that my mere existence, as a born again follower of Christ is causing the hatred... 


But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. ( 2 Cor 2:14-16)


So as I am learning to walk in His strength and security alone, I am comforted by the fact that it must mean I am standing up for what is right... following my Lord as good as I can.....


It might be a sad and lonely place at times, but it is where I need to be....

Safe by Natalie Grant

...seek His Kingdom FIRST.....

This morning the Lord spoke to me...yes, He did, out of nowhere He gave me this verse: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)


If you are following my ramblings on here you know that the last little while had me struggling a bit more and had me focusing on the mountain rather than on the Mountain Mover... 


As He has been gently leading me out of the pit I was in, He once again allowed me to take my eyes off me and rather look to Him and let Him lead me.


Serving Him is a passion of mine and as you also know, He has been opening my eyes to the needs of those around me that do not know Him...
So this morning I decided I was going to look up "serving" the Lord... (I love biblegateway.com) 


 But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and all your soul." (Joshua 22:5)


But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. (1. Samuel 12:24)


Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.' (Luke 4:8)


As I prayed for God to continue to allow me to serve Him only and take the focus of my selfish needs my heart received real peace and contentment..


Moving through my morning, in my kitchen, tidying up some stuff I all of a sudden had the Holy Spirit bring this verse to mind... 


Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you...


Seeking His kingdom, fixing my eyes on Him and obeying His commands cheerfully, serving Him and putting my needs and wants last, He will give me the desire of my heart... which is to serve Him, together with the man that HE has for me... dedicating my life to His service.. whatever that will look like...


I understand that it is not wrong to desire this, I just cannot let the fact that this is not happening right now throw me off and unsettle me.. I need to continue to Seek His Kingdom by drawing close to Him... because that is the place I need to be... maybe one day together with a man after God's own heart... or maybe not... but in His presence all those earthly desires can dim just enough to rest again in the love and faithfulness of the Father.... Thank you Lord....

...break my heart for what breaks Yours....

..... had a nice lunch with 4 special friends today... celebrating a birthday...always love getting together, sharing our lives and always ending up talking about our best friend... Jesus...
...have been caught up in my own self pity the last few days...Thankfully the Lord does not let me stay there for too long anymore, what a blessing.


These last few months He has been at work in me quite drastically.. taking my eyes off or should I say beyond my church bubble and getting me so excited about serving Him outside this bubble..


I am not saying there is anything wrong with church programs that promote growing up in Him, sound biblical teaching and bible studies.. counseling and mentoring all intended to help us move along on the path that God has laid out for each of us...


But we can't get stuck there, it shouldn't take all our time and energy... after all he called us to go out... share Him with those around us that do not know Him, the ones that struggle with all the same things as we do, broken relationships, illness, hardships in all kinds of areas..meet them where they are... let's forget to try to get them into our nice little bubble where most of them will not feel they fit... but let's go out there and shower them with the love of Christ...


I am thanking God for allowing me to go out in His name, pretty much wherever I go...I am thanking Him for the direction He is leading me.. my heart breaks for what breaks His... for the lost and dying... for the ones that in their struggles that are so common in this world have to face them all alone...


I wish I could perform miracles like Jesus did when He was meeting with the broken people in His time..I can't heal a blind man or raise someone from the dead..
But I can extend a hand, I can allow the love of the Lord flow freely from me to a broken heart and walk alongside them and encourage them as I go..


I can do that wherever God has me...on my street, my grocery store, in Tennessee or in Africa... Can't wait where He will lead me one day but until then I am going to share my Saviour with those that the Lord has for me here....
Once again I am blown away that He would even care to let me be a part in this. There is so much need around us, open our eyes to it Lord... let us not overlook the lost and broken you have put in our path...you didn't overlook us...


Lord let me be a blessing today and every day.... I am safe with you and there are so many that need to find that place of refuge and love. 
I want to be the worker that brings in the harvest with you... use me Lord and forgive me for every day that I am too caught up in what my troubles are... you have overcome them, so can I... I love you... don't even know what to do with this love.. so you better channel it and use it, my dearest friend...to you be the GLORY

A Psalm of Praise and Thanksgiving...

.... I look exhausted my oldest daughter observed... thank you Lord for her ability to pick up on this
...Every time after a total melt down as a response to my cries for help to my Father in heaven, Bekkie and I have had heartfelt communication... thank you Lord for this
....we had a nice and special family (our new / female only family) dinner last night...thank you Lord..
...Bekkie could go and find some refuge with a trusted friend and family...thank you Lord
... we can afford the dentist filling her cavity last night..thank you Lord for Maik being responsible and taking care of the financial needs
... we have a house to live in... You are a good God...Thank you Lord...
... food to eat...You promised you would provide and you are a Promise Keeper, Thank you Lord
... friends who love us...you bless us and you have your people be Christ to us...
... ministry to touch other people's lives..you promised there was a purpose and that You would use us... Thank you Lord...
...The sun came up this morning, Thank you Lord, your mercies are NEW every morning...
....You gave me another song that speaks exactly to my situation, and ministers to my heart... Thank you my Father, I love and appreciate your attention to detail...
...my light and momentary troubles are achieving an eternal glory that far outweighs them all... Thank you Lord, you are faithful
... you saved me by sacrificing your Son, making Him the payment for my sin.... I can never thank you enough for the undeserved gift of salvation through Jesus, the lover of my soul...
.... you are my Lord, my Maker and my Husband...
... you will never leave me or forsake me or my children... Hallelujah....
My heart is full of gratitude.... which leads to joy.... not depending on my circumstances but on WHO You are... I LOVE YOU and PRAISE YOU, now and forever more...
.. As we are walking through a valley of hardship and stress, we fear no evil, your rod and staff they comfort us... you are leading us to quiet waters and you are making sure of one thing... that we will dwell in the house of the Lord every day of our lives...
Because one day in your courts is better than thousands elsewhere..
LOVE YOU, Daddy.....

.... Oh, THANK THE LORD......

I will exalt you, my God the King; 
       I will praise your name for ever and ever.
 Every day I will praise you 
       and extol your name for ever and ever.


 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; 
       his greatness no one can fathom.


 One generation will commend your works to another; 
       they will tell of your mighty acts.


 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, 
       and I will meditate on your wonderful works. [b]


 They will tell of the power of your awesome works, 
       and I will proclaim your great deeds.


 They will celebrate your abundant goodness 
       and joyfully sing of your righteousness.


 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, 
       slow to anger and rich in love.


 The LORD is good to all; 
       he has compassion on all he has made.


  All you have made will praise you, O LORD; 
       your saints will extol you.


  They will tell of the glory of your kingdom 
       and speak of your might,


  so that all men may know of your mighty acts 
       and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.


  Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, 
       and your dominion endures through all generations. 
       The LORD is faithful to all his promises 
       and loving toward all he has made.


  The LORD upholds all those who fall 
       and lifts up all who are bowed down.


  The eyes of all look to you, 
       and you give them their food at the proper time.


  You open your hand 
       and satisfy the desires of every living thing.


  The LORD is righteous in all his ways 
       and loving toward all he has made.
 The LORD is near to all who call on him, 
       to all who call on him in truth.


  He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; 
       he hears their cry and saves them.


  The LORD watches over all who love him, 
       but all the wicked he will destroy.


  My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. 
       Let every creature praise his holy name 
       for ever and ever.


Mourning will last for a night....but your mercies are new EVERY MORNING...

...giving up?

... the question is... when you are looked upon as a mature Christian, so many are so in awe about how wonderfully you are dealing with all the disaster curve balls life has thrown you, how close you are to the Lord and how strong your faith is... can you let on how sick and tired you are of having to be just this person sometimes?
When everything comes crushing down on you AGAIN... when your daughter called her dad, the one that gave her the example of what to do when the going gets tough which would be to walk away... when she calls him and asks him to pick her up because she can't stand it in your house anymore because since all this happened you only care about yourself and you are basically the worst mother there is?
When the day before you had to listen to that new life the man that promised to stay with you until death do us part, is living with his new love AND your children which leaves you not only without a man who loves you but ALL ALONE...
When all you have been doing for the last year is being on your knees and trying so hard to hold on and not loose it... when you are as lonely as can be and it all is so unfair... when you are not even allowed to engage in a new relationship because you are a Christian and even though you had no say in all of this you now again have to be the one that does things right......
Can you voice those feelings even though you know that God is faithful and that being obedient keeps you under the umbrella of protection of the all loving and all knowing God you love so dearly and passionately.... even though you know that all you have to do is run to Him and find all you need?
Can you admit that not always do you act upon that knowledge that you have ingrained in your heart, soul and mind...that sometimes you need to vent and just want to run away yourself... stop doing what is right and go for what your heart longs for... the acceptance and love of a man... flesh and blood... someone to stand by you when like right now all is falling apart and running away  is so enticing..someone who cares about YOU.... because it seems no one does... no one. 
Can you tell people that... or should you figure things out and then come forward and praise God for His faithfulness and stay silent about your faithlessness.... well, I am feeling like I want to just walk away... faithless and ungrateful...selfish and needy...looking for what I need.. not what is right..
The truth is I won't, because thanks to my Lord and Saviour I know better, He has made it clear to me that as much as my human nature inside of me screams to QUIT doing what is right, this would be the worst thing I could do.
He gives me the ability to keep on keeping on when everything in me wants to give up....
Thanks to the Lord I am not really selfish, I am not really just going to go for what feels right at the moment... thanks to only Him and His grace was I able to hug my daughter and tell her how much I love her before she left.... thanks to only Him and His grace will I go on with my life and continue to try to do what is right... thanks to Him alone will I stay under the umbrella of His authority and will obey Him cheerfully....
But right now ... my question is, can I let you know, that I am sick and tired of having to be the one that continues to do what is right...

....He was there....

..there once was a girl....she didn't get the attention of her Dad.. he was far too busy to take the time to know her.. she was growing up ... she was longing for love and affection.
there was a man. He was a friend of the family. he was a frequent guest at the home. even when the parents were not there. He was a lot older than her, more than double her age.
He had a problem, but she did not know about that. She was naive and young. She was vulnerable. so in time, this man started to show interest and affection to the young girl.. she was flattered... he lured her to his place, he did things that scared her. he pressured her and violated her.  He made her feel guilty by telling her she was the only one that could help him overcome his problem. she feared for her innocence and her life.
But then, she got away. she told someone and she was safe from the man.
Looking back she knows that even then, when she didn't know about Him, He was there protecting her from the ultimate  harm that could have been inflicted on her.
He was keeping her safe. He healed her. the scars remain. 
as He was there and protected her from destruction, He still allowed her to be hurt .. today she can understand and help those that are dealing with similar things...bring the comfort she has found in Him to them. this is how He works. this is how much He cares. this is how He loves all that have been given to Him by the Father.
Come and find refuge in the shelter of His wings...you are not alone....

..... forever cherish....

This morning,
seeking Him where He can be found...
in His precious Word, my precious Jesus..
this is what my soul sings.... ( Thank you Steve Bell)


Deep calls to deep
And my soul finds no resting place but Him
He is my God
The yearning of my soul His touch can still
And each rare moment
I felt His presence
I shall remember
And forever cherish


Deep calls to deep
For he created me to be His own
He understands
The joy and pain of life He too has known
And each rare moment
I felt His presence
I shall remember
And forever cherish


Deep calls to deep
And at His feast I am a welcomed guest
He gives me food
The hunger of my soul is laid to rest
And each rare moment
I felt His presence
I shall remember
And forever cherish


AS I am resting in the shadow of His wings, 
as His unfailing love fills my heart this morning..
I shall remember and forever cherish. AMEN

...a prayer at your feet.....

Lord... tonite, I laid my future down....
I laid my dreams down.... 
I laid my wishes down....
my plans, I laid them down at your feet... 
because you are all I need.
I laid my mistakes down.... 
my own ideas... 
I was running again, running ahead of you... 
I laid my foolish heart down...
I want to dwell at your feet and never leave....
WHY do I always make the same mistakes...
 follow my foolish heart... 
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it.
How come I fall for it ...
Hold me tight... Hold me and never let me go..
You are all I need... YOU ARE ALL I NEED!

Praise you in the storm.....

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down 
and wiped our tears away, 
stepped in and saved the day. 
But once again, I say amen 
and it's still raining 
as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away. 


And I'll praise you in this storm 
and I will lift my hands 
for You are who You are 
no matter where I am 
and every tear I've cried 
You hold in your hand 
You never left my side 
and though my heart is torn 
I will praise You in this storm 


I remember when I stumbled in the wind 
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again 
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on 
if I can't find You 
and as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away



And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

And even if the storm will never end here... I will praise you forevermore, because I love you with all my soul, heart and mind....

Casting Crowns - Slow Fade

.... it is not good...

 ... The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.".......
Whenever I have read this before or heard any sermon about it it was always in regards to what the roles in a marriage are...
I learned that well and I am blessed by the way a woman is supposed to be the helpmate for her husband and how she complements, makes whole the man in her life. Together we reflect the image of God..


Lately, being alone, this has spoken to me in a much different way...
It is not good for man to be alone... it is not good for woman to be alone... it is not good for mother to be alone to bring up her child and deal with all that can mean at different times... being alone in that way does not necessarily mean we are not in a marriage... actually  being alone and left with the whole responsibility of bringing up a child while in a marriage is even more sad......


It is not good to be alone.... we never are, even if there is no spouse or companion, we know that Jesus always is right there with us...


So "alone" as I am, I prayed, and I found the support I needed, the sounding board I needed, the strength I needed and for sure the wisdom I needed.. to meet the needs my little one had today.


I still would rather not be alone, because if God said it and He did something about it right away, there has to be a reason for that... it is not good for man to be alone... I will make a helper suitable for him...


To go to the Lord  together and find the strength, wisdom and support, now that would be heaven on earth, don't you think....


But I am going to wait on Him, because He alone knows when the fullness of time will come...when it will be time for me to not be alone anymore and who I am going to be "not alone anymore" with.... Hallelujah...praise the Lord, oh my soul...who loves me with an unfailing love that is new every morning...

....claiming the favor....

..... In the time of my favor I heard you, 
      

and in the day of salvation I helped you."

 I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, 

now is the day of salvation.

( 2 Cor 6:2 )

During the Michael W. Smith and friends Cruise this July I was blessed to hear a beautiful couple speak every morning at the Sunrise Devotions from 7-8 am... ( it was soooooo worth it to get up early every morning)

Beverley and John Sheasby were instrumental in what my Daddy had planned for me to finally understand... that I indeed am a DEARLY BELOVED and CHERISHED child of the Father... That He has already given me the inheritance that is mine in Christ Jesus and that I only need to live in that truth...am allowed to live in that truth.. without worrying if I am doing well enough following Him...

John is the Theologian, and hearing him explain the scriptures was a treat... his wife though, Beverley, I will never forget... one morning she talked about us being God's favorites and how we should be walking in God's favor every day...

Since then this is my prayer every morning, that I would walk in God's favor....this has been my encouragement to myself and many others since then, whenever we are having trouble trusting, or waiting..

The moment we are being saved is the moment we are being declared co-heirs with Christ... and like the Prodigal son upon his return was clothed in best robe, a ring was put on his finger and sandals on his feet, so is our reception that glorious moment of our salvation...

The Prodigal son's father had the servants bring the fattened calf and kill it. Then they had a feast and celebrated. The Father said: "For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."

When we were still dead in our transgressions, Christ died for our sins...not only has He reconciled us with God the Father but in that instance we have received our inheritance.. His favor and blessing is ours, always.... we are not the friend outside the door that knocks in the middle of the night to borrow some bread... we are the children in bed with our loving Father and only have to tuck on His sleeve and let Him know we are hungry...

Oh Daddy... what marvelous gift, your grace, your mercy and most of all your love and acceptance and your favor... at all times...for us to receive and generously share with the world in darkness..

Thank you Lord for the privilege of serving you now and forevermore.

...Wait, my child.....

You whisper..

You want my attention

My undivided attention...

focus..

no distractions..

What were You saying??

"Wait"

Wait?

What do you mean?

"Wait"

But why??
"Wait"

But you don't understand..

"Wait"

But I need to know...

Why aren't You telling me..

"Just wait"

But I can't...

"With Me all things are possible"

But Why... why can't You just tell me?

"Trust Me"

" Don't settle for second best.."

"I have something amazing planned for you"

But Lord... How?

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High 

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

But....

" I Satisfy you in the morning with my unfailing love, 

that you may sing for joy and be glad all your days."

"Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you"

But Lord... I am lonely..

"For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is His name— 

the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth."

You are? 

" I am.. and I delight over you with singing"

"I love you with an everlasting love my child"

Thank You, Lord... 

I praise you

 And I will wait on you..

and trust You forever more.

Help is on the way...my Daddy ministering to my heart...

...Hindsight...Take Three.........

.......going on  a trip together as planned that August, I was excited, I was so full of love for him, God had taken down my defenses, my walls, the ones I had erected to be safe from the constant criticism, lack of love and understanding for me and my children. He had shown me that I only needed Him, to be obedient to Him and He was going to look out for me, there was no need for me to do this by myself and in the process sin by not loving my husband the way God wanted me to...

Now he on the other hand, wasn’t telling me yet, but was planning to let me know he didn’t love me anymore...he was not going to be honest and tell me that he was involved with another woman, a woman who was very close to my heart, who I always only loved and supported, felt like a big sister to and sometimes even had motherly feelings for.

She had been having a hard time with a cheating husband and I in my stupidity invited her to come and stay with us for a few weeks that summer... oh the ignorance.....

I knew that her and my husband had been communicating, I had found that out... but somehow I still trusted both of them...maybe I was just in denial..

She came, he told me he didn’t love me anymore when I asked why he, now that the guest room was needed otherwise, wouldn’t move back into the bedroom with me...

I lost it... I was devastated....I loved him more than ever before and he just cold heartedly tossed me aside..

And all along she was there.....looking back it makes me sick thinking about what they were doing...two people that for different reasons where the closest people to me... the betrayal still hurts today...forgiveness is accepting to live with the consequences of the other person’s sin... I did that... the consequences are a broken and torn to pieces family and a heart that has experienced such deceit and betrayal that it still makes tears well up in my eyes and my heart as I am writing this.

I know that my loving Father knew what was happening, that He was there with me and that I was even then protected by Him...otherwise I am not sure I would have survived it..

But I wouldn’t give up, not knowing that there was someone else, I was willing to give him time to see for himself that this change in me was for real, that I was really able to just love and respect no matter what...

I was afraid what would happen, didn’t want to loose my husband , the man that I loved like never before...I could have been anxious...

But God was sustaining me.. He spoke to me through another song of MWS...He sees your tears... He fights your fears... Hold on, Help is on the way.... He said He’d never leave you or forsake you........(my Father working through the details)...Hold on..Help is on the way...just reach out and take His hand....

.......to be continued....

...standing on shifting sand...

Foolish heart... looks like we are here again......so wanting to be done with the pain and hurt, not giving You time to heal me from the inside out..

Feeding off the energy from interacting with Your people, serving You together, flying high.. loving You and the closeness we have... carried away by the tide of exhilaration..

just to fall..when listening to the foolish heart, rather than You..

You see the Real me.. fragile and broken from within...oh to hide in Your loving embrace for however long it takes to be whole again....eternally....instead I am impatiently walking away chasing after futile dreams and hopes..bombarded by the world and it’s enticing possibilities.

shifting sand.. I cannot survive standing on it.... You made me that way, fragile and needing you beyond comprehension..

the mess I made out of my existence, you love me the same, you are not focusing on my weaknesses. my imperfections.. you fill me, I CANNOT live without you for even a day.

The little girl passionately drinking in the stories of Moses, and Noah..reading the Children’s Bible again and again... so many questions, so much to understand, to figure out... and then there you were...the Answer, the Beginning and the End..All I ever NEED..

so then, why... why my precious Jesus, why am I drifting off, if only in my dreams, only to crawl back, once more knowing even more that I need you, not just a little bit a day... needing to soak You in, breathe You in...

Please just keep me with You...fixing my eyes on You... staying in the connection and close embrace... you carry me... the real me, the fragile me... loving you with all I have...

Hold me close... I love just seeing your footprints in the sand.... 

...a cup..filled to overflowing..

... what is it , that makes us fall back into the one huge lie that we have recognized so many times before, why is it that we are thrown by it, as soon as the slightest little rejection comes our way????
If I was the Father, it would frustrate me to an extent I would probably loose hope... ( aren't you glad I am not He?? ;) 
He continues to communicate His unfailing love, 24 / 7 and we love it, we drink it in, we bask in it... only to feel unloved and unworthy because some fallen, sinful person is just that.... a person, not able to love or even just relate in this way...
Why are we even out there looking for that???? We have it here, right here in our relationship with the Lord.. His perfect love, never letting us down, His attention, His acceptance.... all we could ever ask for...
He fills my heart with His love whenever I draw close to Him... then from there I can go out and I have already been satisfied... then I can love those around me, out of the abundance of love HE has for me...never even paying attention how much of this love is coming my way from the people in my life. ... it is so easy then to be humble and consider others more important than ourselves.... oh what a wonderful thing.
 Looking beyond our own lives and getting a glimpse of the bigger picture, the beautiful tapestry that God is weaving...and get that, be a part of it...
This again is proof of the Father's unending love for us, that He let's us have a part in something He could accomplish very well by Himself... 
I am going to have my cup filled to overflowing by Him, who is the author and perfecter of my life... and then I will follow Him wherever He will lead me.. generously sharing Him with those around me.. EXCITING!!!!!!!!!

...wailing into dancing.....

.. prayers quieting my heart...excitement rising as I am coming closer to the place that God has so clearly called me to...unknown territory, new people...what will it be... will I be able to be all I need to be...
He is whispering in my ear.. Trust me, my child... I have prepared you for this for a very long time...
Baby clothes, friendly faces.. sorting, folding.. I know this.. how fun.. and then there she came... my first client... helping her find things for the baby she is is expecting, a little girl.... very familiar indeed.
Later taking down all her information and setting up our first session together, exhilarating.
My heart is  full of love and compassion... overflowing. And it dawns on me.. this is where we are supposed to be... outside the safe bubble of "Church-ianity".... out, where people are dealing with horrific circumstances... looking for answers and help, and love and compassion.. that's why we are here, that's why I am there, or wherever God will direct me to. To share His love with one person at a time struggling to figure things out, desperate for some light to show them the way...
And then it is  up to Him to turn their wailing into dancing... as He continues to do for me..because He keeps His promises.... my beloved Saviour... I am dancing!


You turned my wailing into dancing;
       you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. 

       O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.