.... dizzy ??? STOP worrying...

never a dull moment at Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center.....
I know that God is the One that made me and I know He is the One that is sovereign over everything... so I am wondering... maybe in His mind a 48 year old should be perfectly fine with the ups and downs and all the excitement, and the heartache... this day has been one of those days... my head is spinning...

feeling discouraged, not able to help like we would like to... then excited for a new client referred by "our" Social worker... beautiful donations received... encouragement from others that have a heart for those in need... overwhelmed by the difficulties some of our clients are facing day in and day out...


there has to be something He wants us to see..... I think this is what the lesson is:

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
    “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.... ( Matthew 26-34 )

ha... blunt..but true... fixing my eyes on the mountain mover rather than on the mountain... celebrating the "successes" rather than being discouraged by what we can't change... trusting Him rather than worrying and leaving the burdens in His capable hands rather than carrying them on our shoulders..
sounds like a good plan..
He is the Director of Hope for Life... I just said, "sure, use me" when He called me...
phew... that is a relief... thankful for Him and trusting Him enough to obey.. I will NOT worry...

... a date... fulfilling all my longings..

“What day is it?" asked Pooh.

"It's today," squeaked Piglet.

"My favorite day," said Pooh.”

I love Winnie the Pooh... and Piglet of course...
Eeyore is my fav, and I do have a lot in common with him...

those two are the sweetest though .. and I know that the changing the Holy Spirit has been bringing about in me is along the lines of their grateful and positive way of looking at life...

this is the day that the Lord has made. let us rejoice and be glad in it...

today is my favourite day... because I woke up and I was still breathing, my doggies greeted me with excitement and love.... my daughter responded without any grumbling when waking her up...
I was able to make her some healthy breakfast and lunch... my car worked so I could drive her to school..
coming back, my doggies were excited to see me again... ;)
I had lemons and water and a water boiler thingi to make a Hot Lemon so that I wouldn't succumb to the cold that wants to develop.. sipping this I had a date with my Saviour who, believe it or not is always so happy to embrace me and listen to what is on my heart... He also always takes the time to speak to me and fill the deepest darkest corners of my soul with His light and warmth... He has the best advice and He is never critical, rude or dismisses me.. He has exciting things to tell me and He wants me to be part in the amazing stuff He is doing....wonderful...
so today is my favourite day.. because like Piglet and Pooh I am on this path with my best friend...  and so I rejoice... because this is the day this best friend of mine made... and so I am glad and rejoice in it...

... wanting to make it all better....

got some very sad news just now... it was to be expected, that we would not be able to "rescue" everyone here at Hope for Life..
choices are choices, everyone has to make them for themselves.. I do understand very well that difficult circumstances will make abortion look like the only sensible and doable solution to the problem..
judging no one but rather heartbroken, because I know that this is not going to fix anything....
made sure this person knows we love her and are here for her anytime, no matter what...
the circumstances are what breaks my heart, the hopelessness that has been a reality for her all her life.. no one trustworthy has been in this girl's life ever...
so I cry out to you, Lord... are you out there for her???
what is your plan for her, Lord? what else could we have done for her?
couldn't erase all the experiences and put everything nicely in order for her with a bow around it... and you can be sure that's what I wish I could do... after all, I am a mother and I by instinct am the Rescue Helicopter ....
did all we could, prayed and reached out... this is what we will continue to do... pray and reach out and love.. because that's what we can, the rest is in His hands...
finding it VERY difficult to accept this... it seems we should have been able to do more for her...
really struggling with this now...
I am pleading with the Lord of Mercy and Love.... you say help is on the way... please Lord, have mercy on this girl... Love her and give her the security she needs ..... please...

..You are well acquainted with my grief...

found a new fav song... I think they are amazing.. 

Leeland... a band out of.... : NASHVILLE..... 

who would have thought.. 

one of the members of the band is Jack Mooring, Whitney's ( MWS eldest daughter's) husband... 

yes... very talented... very deep.... speaks to my soul....

Fear is far from love

And I feel scared enough

To think You’ve given up on me

But I can’t hide my shame

You know my deepest pain

You are well acquainted with my grief

Oh great God of power

I have lost my strength

This is my desperate hour

I’m calling out Your name

I cry

Are You out there tonight

Or am I all alone

This time it’s the fight of my life

So I cry

I can’t do this on my own

I can’t do this on my own

I am giving You control

If weakness is a crown

Then I kneel before You now

And lay it at Your feet as an offering

And if You hold everything

Then don’t let go of me

Hide me in the shadow of Your wings

Oh great God of power

I have lost my strength

This is my desperate hour

I’m calling out Your name

Are you out there tonight?

I can't do this alone....

this is not my most desperate hour, thanks be to Him... but I am always desperate for Him... because there is NOTHING I can do on my own.. it seems when one thing is working well there are 5 other areas that fall apart at the same time..

being the "emotionally sensitive" person that I am I just think my skin is a bit thin... being called to serve in front-line ministry is very rewarding, but very difficult as well... seeing all the brokenness so clearly... it breaks my heart.. ALL THE TIME..... thankful to be able to offer some support and relief... I am still heartbroken, even discouraged at times.... it is just not supposed to be like that.....

what could anyone ever hope to accomplish to help those in need without the "Great God of Power".... so thankful I know Him...  with Him all things are possible... with Him, the Mountain Mover, nothing is big enough to take away hope... calling out... wondering if He is out there.. I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt He is actually right here.... clinging to Him for my personal needs as much as for everyone I know that needs Him... holding on to Him with the last little bit of strength I have... desperately.... and then, I realize.. it is Him who is holding me #Amazinglove

...broken hearts making history????

...Pippi Longstocking said something very wise one day.. "you get to hear a lot before your ears fall off"...

soooo  true.................... heard some more, yesterday... I am a fanatic and a dangerous combination of emotionally sensitive and very intelligent... wow... I am someone who buries her teeth in a bone and won't let go... hmmmmmm........

compliments???? or painful daggers.... not meant as daggers and still...fanatic, I argued, should really be passionate... but then, I was told, I was naive... so... what can I say... I am who God made me to be..

despite the hurt, the neglect and the abuse of my childhood, the blatant narcissism of significant male figures in my life He has made me into exactly who I am meant to be...

Is it true today that when people pray

Cloudless skies will break,

Kings and queens will shake?

Yes, it's true, and I believe it,

I'm living for You.

I'm gonna be a history maker in this land.

I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind.

I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run into Your arms,

Into Your arms again,

Into Your arms, into Your arms again.

Is it true today, that when people pray

We'll see dead men rise,

And the blind set free?

Yes, it's true, and I believe it,

I'm living for You. 

Is it true today, that when people stand

With the fire of God and the truth in hand,

We'll see miracles, we'll see angels sing,

We'll see broken hearts making history?

Yes, it's true, and I believe it.

I'm living for you.

( Martin Smith, History Maker)

ministering / sharing truth with family... very hard.. but I am called to stand, with the power of truth in my hand... I have wrestled and I have achieved something monumental... the person has agreed to read the four accounts of the Gospel.... and I have promised to keep my mouth shut if he will not encounter my God in there....  so there....

The Father has decided for me to be here, at this time, in this place, with this broken and damaged heart to be a history maker... pouring my love and my essence out to those that cross my path.. at Hope for Life, at the grocery store or in "family meetings".......... exhausting, yeah, sometimes, but so worth it... because, what would be better than living for HIM... I can't think of anything..... :)

.. the Calmer of storms..

this has been a "single-women-friendly" winter so far... I have shovelled snow only once and even that time I could have left it, because it all melted away a day later anyways...
happy for every little thing that makes this easier..

praying when driving  is such a habit of mine so I did it earlier when picking my daughter up from dance.
I prayed for my friend and her daughter again, still at Sick Kids... my heart breaking for them, life has  thrown them so many curveballs in the years I have known them...
praying for the 3 women / families I know personally whose lives have been hit by divorce since it happened to us... all of us have been betrayed and left, for some it is has not even been a year yet...

read something today:

I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can’t climb. I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild. I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside. I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You.

tornadoes, hail storms, winter, spring, families, dysfunction, hurt, sunshine, disease, support, abandonment, joy, tears, break-ups, new beginnings, healing, forgiveness, pain, selfishness, humility, pride, love, commitment, loss, disaster, freedom...

and yet always , there He is... 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, 

   a stronghold in times of trouble. 

  Those who know your name trust in you, 

   for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalms 9: 9+10

and there it is... one of my fav passages:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

believing that if He allows it, since He loves us like no other, it is worth it.. always..

Praise be to HIM #SoliDeoGloria

...satisfy us in the morning...

In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; 

   in the morning I lay my requests before you 

   and wait expectantly. 

Psalm 5:3

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:14

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, 

   for I have put my trust in you. 

Show me the way I should go, 

   for to you I entrust my life. 

Psalm 143:8

This morning, Lord, I come to you and I give you all my burdens.. ( they seem to be piling up :S )

This morning I ask you to help me put my trust in you.. I am leaving my burdens, worries, sadness and hurts at your throne.. help me not to pick them up again during the day..

You alone know what this day will hold, you alone are able to keep me on the path that brings you glory.

I praise you this morning and thank you, for you keep your promises and they are many..

you have clothed me with dignity and strength, you have crowned me with honour and glory.. for your name's sake...

I rely on you to help me keep my eyes fixed on you, for you are eternal, trustworthy, righteous and holy.

You alone are worthy of my praise..

Let me not put up an idol today or grumble about my life... let me accept where you have me with thankfulness and gratitude...

I love you Lord

and I lift my voice

to worship You,

oh my soul rejoice

Satisfy us in the morning with your love

May the favour of the Lord,

 be upon us and our land,

And establish for us all

The work of our hands

AMEN

.. a light in the darkness....

there were many that thought the name for the Pregnancy Center  ( Hope for Life ) would be too "Pro Life" and people wouldn't come... there were many that thought that having it in the church would keep those that need help from coming... there were many that didn't agree with us "affiliating" with our church relying on them for support and guidance and protection...
today, meeting with a wonderful young woman, our Children's Aid Worker, so excited and appreciative of the variety of support we have available... it was so great to see how impressed she was with what Hope for Life has to offer, and how happy she was to find out about the Divorce Care group the church runs and the Program to help overcome addiction of any kind... when she saw the Care Closet and the EWYL cupboard ( all the beautiful new stuff we have the girls can "buy" with the points they get for coming to their mentoring session and doing their homework) .. she just loved it all...
all of the many clients that have come.. despite the name and the location... have been so surprised at how nice everything is, the Care Closet is in the "Crib Room" of the Nursery... today we came to the conclusion, not only is God bringing those He wants us to minister to, like we believed He would, He also is doing something totally different .. He is changing the perception of what  "church" is of the people that come...
as our church is gearing up for more and more community support programs, this town will come to see what church really is all about..
that we, the church, have a heart to help them, to bring them "Hope for Life", practical support and love...
that this is what being a Christian really means... going forth in His love , with His compassion and His power to change...
we are not people that have it all together.. we just have Someone who can help us overcome dysfunction and brokenness, and because of the gratitude we feel towards what He is doing in our lives, we are excited about making Him known by our "walk", not by our talk... no judgment, just understanding and support...
I think, this is what those that have come so far have felt... so thankful to be able to be His hands and feet...

..FLEEING from temptation...

for so many years I used to get all teary eyed in church... first because the love of my Lord Jesus Christ was just sinking in and that moved me to tears... Him having saved me from a life lost and broken.. tears of gratitude and awe..
as the years went by finding His comfort on a Sunday morning during worship was so overwhelming and  day to day life so very hard, I was just broken, it seemed His love was like a cocoon.... like a layer of cotton balls all around me and my defences could come tumbling down, at least for a little while...
then, the big trauma and all the many tears that were shed in the months following the demise of my marriage... having been healed from these deep wounds inflicted by betrayal and abandonment I have reached some stability in my life and there haven't been tears in church for a long time...
today.. a different story..
it is just too bad that this life is a journey... yes, it is too bad that there is not something we can reach or achieve or figure out that would leave us just fine for the rest of our lives... on the contrary, when we have figured one thing out we can be sure that God very soon will allow us to recognize another layer of brokenness and difficulty...

I have to admit that I am a little TIRED of this all....
told today that we needed to remember how amazing His grace is when we are just so tired at times that we are tempted to give in and/or up....
a few more lessons from this sermon..need to remember EVERY sin has consequences, both the pain and harm, the scars and the "ripple effect" and the discipline of the Lord... ( we are His children , He loves us and therefore He disciplines us... :S ) ..
need to remember I am VULNERABLE, and you can say that out loud... especially if I think I am far beyond all that "sinful stuff".. duh...
He does provide an escape... with Him I can choose to say no and stand firm, or just FLEE... relying on Him I will be able to endure the temptation and by His grace eventually will move beyond this specific sin...
and.. last but not least, I do have to remember that the evil one is the one that is behind the temptation... he is the one that wants to trip me up, ruin what the Lord is doing through me, my testimony, the glory I by His grace can bring to His name.......
pheeewwww.....
my sin.... in a nutshell.. being discontent with where He has me... shoot... so far not able to conquer this one, but with Him I know I can.. eventually...
because this is true: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. and God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. but when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. ( 1 Corinthians 10:13 )

..God wants me to be happy... really?

..heard that a few times in the last little while..."God wants us to be happy"..... where do people get that from??????

yes, the Bible is telling us about how much God loves us, how He blesses us, what He has for us, the life He has for us, a life He wants us to live abundantly... He gives us joy, peace, kindness, patience, gentleness... He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us..  He gives us hope, and a future, He is promising us that in the suffering He will be there, that the peace that passes all understanding will always be ours ... in persevering our characters will be refined, in the fire our faith will be proven genuine.. He says to pick up His cross daily, we are to bring glory to His name.. He gives us His rules and regulations to keep us save from hurting ourselves and everyone around us..
He definitely wants us to become more like Him, know Him, put others before our own needs..
where does it say He wants us to be happy????
I have not found it.. he wants what is best for us... in the long run, and in the long run it is about knowing Him more and more and to learn that we desperately depend on Him... that we NEED to rely on Him alone...
I think those that want to change some of the rules because He definitely can't mean this since He wants us to be happy, don't really trust Him..
driving this morning listening to Casting Crowns, I was once again overwhelmed that the fact that He has saved me when I didn't deserve it, should really make me "HAPPY" for the rest of my life... here and in Heaven with Him...
shouldn't born again followers of Christ, those that have a relationship with Him and have tasted the blessing of knowing Him intimately know better???
I know that it is easy to get caught up in all this... our world tells us we have a RIGHT to be happy... well.. again, is God saying this? I don't think so... we will have total bliss, no more tears and all the joy and happiness there is when we are with Him for eternity.. here on this earth He said we will have troubles.. but He has overcome the world... He said "Don't be surprised when you have to deal with suffering and heartache... with me you can continue to do right, serve me and be a good ambassador for me... I think the whole "God wants me to be happy thingi" is a little off.. holy, yes, joyful in all circumstances yes, but happy??? not so sure...

.... Hope for Life.....

this wonderful friend of mine.. one of my innermost circle of friends... one of those that you meet and have that instant connection with... a friend that supports you and is always there for you... a friend that has your back .. a mutual friend today said she thought of her as being Job... this friend of mine has had to go through a lot in the years I have known her...
sickness at first, her child, and then her.... and then, 10 months ago I received a call from her that made my heart break all over again... here she was facing the same pain I had had to go through 2 years ago... I never would have wished this on an enemy of mine ( I don't even think I have any) but for a friend that close to my heart to go through this hurt me as if it was happening all over again...
we have become even closer through the last 10 months and as much as we both would not have wanted the other to have to deal with this, it is good that we have each other...
last week, more bad news.. this time her precious child, sick again, seriously sick... waking up many times every night just praying for both of them... I know that He is right there with them, I know that He will turn this into something good... He will do that because they love Him... He has called them according to His purpose... He is there to comfort, to give hope, to heal, to walk through the valley with them..
He is giving them peace, peace that surpasses all understanding... He has surrounded them with great doctors and loving nurses, supportive family and friends, and even though had they had a choice they would have chosen not to have to deal with this on top of the turmoil of the last 10 months, He will bless them through it... there will be beauty from ashes and they will know Him even more.. they will know His sweet fellowship and love.. they will know His presence and faithfulness on a much deeper level...
He has perfect plans for them, plans to prosper them, both of them, and not to harm them.. even if this might be hard to see right now.. plans to give them a hope and a future... a future so much brighter than anything they could wish for....

there is a girl I will meet with this week, a young girl that is pregnant... overwhelmed by her reality... there is a woman who is on the path of healing from an abortion.. another woman met with my partner today, pregnant too and not sure what to do... there is such heartbreak EVERYWHERE...
..and like our Pastor for Outreach so passionately communicated on Sunday... we have something to offer to the hurting world.. we relate to them in our sinfulness, in our brokenness, the only difference is that we have HOPE..
a hope that will not be disappointed, because of the Saviour we have... that's the difference.. and we HAVE  to share it... why else did He leave us here... right on Pastor Bob....

...my very own "Princess Party"...

this has been quite the week...  ups and downs , deep satisfaction and turmoil... scary developments and God answering prayers...

insight and wisdom gained, grace extended, "nest" protected... sickness and fatigue, exhilaration and excitement..

what a roller coaster, and, on so many levels..

I am sure that could be said about any given week in anybody's life ...  

struggling to trust for some of the situations that arose over the last week I am once again amazed how God works..

have made some new friends through the ministry God gave me,( Hope for Life ) ..spending lots of time together we are connecting on a deeper level all the time.. enriching my life these new friends have been speaking truth to me these last few days..

a client that came for counselling shared with me how the day of the Anniversary of her abortion has had real significance in her life...

the same is true for me.. August 6, 1984 was the day of my abortion and this day has been difficult not only that year but again and again...

the last August 6 was another one of those.. the Wedding date of my Ex-husband, a very difficult day for my children and in some way for me as well...

was reminded of this when telling another one of my volunteers about what God did for me on August 6, 2011... how He had orchestrated the most personalized "Blessings Weekend", my own "Princess Party" for me, more than I could ever have imagined.. retelling the story opened my eyes again to one very amazing fact :

I can trust Him to mean well at all times, I can depend on Him and do not have to worry and be afraid how things will turn out... He proved it to me on that weekend.. there is no doubt.. He proved it to me again yesterday when talking about it reminded me of His love for me and His goodness..

this morning, after a VERY long and beautiful time with my Lord I received an email that had me dance around like a little kid... He is just so good... ALL the time.

I knew it before but am more aware of it again that we need to be in community with other believers. we need to tell about the wonderful things He has done for us... we need to share how He is at work, how He helps and how He comes through for us, and how He continually blesses us... just saying'

#SoliDeoGloria

..music...makes my soul sing..

spent some of the day downloading old songs off iTunes.. got me all sentimental... ELO, Chicago, Barclay James Harvest... Chris de Burgh... Phil Collins, Elton John..

music is just such a wonderful thing the Lord gave us..

had a very sweet friend tell me today I could come over and she would play her harp for me... how nice is that.. and that just because I commented on her status on Facebook where she was asking about any engagements and wedding plans as a result of today.. "that I wish.. but no... :( "

music.. I have thought many times the fact that God gave us music tells a lot about His heart... about how much He cares and who He really is..

without music life would be so empty .. less beautiful... there is something about music that makes our souls sing.. there are so many songs that never fail to touch the deepest places of my heart.. my innermost being resonates with music on such a deep level.. I don't know what I would do without it..

how kind of Him to enrich our lives this way..

was thinking the other day that I really need to get my violin out again..  and I need to sit down on my piano and play again.. when I was a child my piano was were I was able to move beyond whatever had upset me... a release... music ministering to my soul...

every Sunday I can lose myself in the wonderfully long Worship time we have.. offering my heart and my soul to the One who is worthy to be praised.. what a privilege..

lifting my hands in praise to Him, leaving my burdens at His feet and giving Him my all.. sometimes I wish I could stay there.. 

some very dear friends made a point today to tell me they love me and again I am touched by the kindness and thoughtfulness of my sisters in Christ.... 

they are...

Christ before me 

Christ above me 

Christ beneath me 

Christ beside 

Christ my vision 

Christ my wisdom 

Christ my comfort 

Christ my guide

so thankful for the community of believers He has placed me in.... I have done nothing to deserve their love and support... blessed beyond belief..... you know who you are... and I LOVE YOU TOO..

and not just today ;)

  

A reminder... needed so much...Patience..

This is a post from almost 2 years ago.... just reading through some old ones and this is still so very applicable... I guess I am who I am... needed the reminder.. and serving Him I am... Thanks be to God!!!!

If you know me, you know that I am a passionate, 

(some negative and very mean :( people call me fanatic.. the nerve) enthusiastic person.... most of the time this kind of character trait comes with another , that is not quite that positive (if you think it is positive to  begin with).... the not so good thing that comes with passion is often times IMPATIENCE...


So, God, my beloved Daddy, has had his hands full with me in that way... many times in my life I have just jumped right into situations that seemed so right at the moment but then turned out disastrous......
After 16 years of having the Holy Spirit living in me I am happy to say that the patience that is part of His fruit has also grown "a little bit" in me......


 As I am so very excited now.... you got it, I am also really struggling with impatience...
So I thought, why not try and get some wisdom from "THE" source of wisdom... so I did a little word study of the word patience in the bible.


As all good scholars ;) do, I first looked patience up in the dictionary and the thesaurus..here it goes:


Meaning: the capacity to endure what is difficult or disagreeable without complaining
Synonyms: forbearance, long-suffering, sufferance, tolerance
Related Words: acquiescence, resignation; passiveness, passivity; amenability, compliance, conformism, docility, obedience, subordination, tractability, willingness; discipline, self-control; submission, submissiveness
WOW....I knew it was a high calling...


Now, what does the bible have to say... interestingly enough patience, the noun is only found in the  bible 17 times, to be patient 27 times.... hmmmmm
 Does that maybe mean this is an action... something we need to choose to do, rather than wait for it to happen by itself... ( as an aside... to bad this site has no emoticons... I so would like to use some here and there)


I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. (Psalm 40:1)
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ( Romans 8:25)
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ( Romans 12:12)
And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. (Hebrews 6:15)


These are only four of the verses that contain the word patient... there is quite a bit though that speaks to me and let's me know what the Lord has for me, if I wait patiently....
He will hear my cry, we will receive what is promised... it tells me too when to be patient... in affliction, and when I am hoping for something I do not have....this verse in Romans 8 reminds me of another one that sounds almost the same: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)  isn't it interesting the connection that can be made here..
If we hope patiently for what we do not have, and we are being sure of what we are hoping for, that's faith... after waiting patiently, we will receive the promises...so even though we cannot see them now, through faith, which is a gift from God, we do not loose hope, actually, like Romans 12:12 says, we are joyful in this hope...it is amazing.
I love the Word...it has answers for all our questions.... that's another proof that our Father in Heaven loves us so much...He has given us His word, so that we can find all we need, wisdom, hope, joy and faith..


So, once again,   I have the capacity to endure what is difficult or disagreeable without complaining, I have the willingness to be obedient...because, as I wait patiently, my God gives me joy as I hope in what I do not have, knowing that He hears me and will give me what He has promised  and He even provides and grows the faith that I need to be able to hold on to this hope.... AMAZING!!!!!!!!!


As the Spirit testifies to my spirit I can joyfully and patiently serve Him while I am waiting.....


So I am, today... and for however long I need to..because I am sure of one thing most of all, my Father in Heaven is GOOD ALL THE TIME... I know it because I know Him...after all, He is right here holding me... Hallelujah!

.. His love is PRICELESS...

VALENTINE'S DAY

a "regular" Saint's Day of the Catholic Church until done away with by  Pope Paul VI in 1969.. only because nothing of the Saints was known other that one of them was martyred in 269 AD, another one was a bishop who is said to have been martyred under Emperor Aurelius, this was even earlier..
 Saint Valentine's Day had no romantic meaning until during High Medieval Time in France it became the day of the highly romantic and "love crazy" French, who picked it as the day to express their love through flowers and gifts...
today it is all about chocolate hearts, all in red or pink, tons of flowers and cards... I have to admit.. I liked getting my bouquet of roses and my chocolates.. but nevertheless... it is just another way for the candy and cards industry to make some good money... :)

thinking about love and what we all are longing for, I just had to look up some of those verses again, the ones that speak about the love God has for us...

His love is not only unfailing, never-ending, faithful, His unending  love is there for us every morning anew, it is not dependent on our "behaviour" or our usefulness, not even on our loyalty or gratitude... it is only dependent on the One who gives it so freely..
it is not just an emotion, as flimsy and beautiful yet fleeting as a snowflake, it is an expression of the character of God... He is LOVE... His love teaches us, picks us up, it holds us close and floods our heart with joy... we are restored by His love, we are sustained by His love, His love is a shelter, always there for us.. His love guides us and carries us.. no matter who we are... He chose to love us.. and He is not going to change His mind..
 it doesn't matter if we are smart, or brave, or timid and weak, if we are a girl or a boy.
if we are pretty or plain, exciting or dull... old or young.. we do not have to worry about losing His attention.. we do not have to try to catch His eye...
His eyes are always on us, His tender hands are holding us.. His ears are always inclined towards us..
We are his heart's desire.. the feast of abundance He has for us will never end.. the delight we can have if we only drink from His river is unending..

We are His VALENTINE..... 

 how do I know all this? He told me... He wrote it down in His love letter to me.. His Word..

He has proven Himself to be Faithful and True..

In him our hearts rejoice, 

   for we trust in his holy name. 

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, 

   even as we put our hope in you.

Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, 

   your justice like the great deep. 

O LORD, you preserve both man and beast. 

  How priceless is your unfailing love! 

Both high and low among men 

   find refuge in the shadow of your wings. 

 They feast on the abundance of your house; 

   you give them drink from your river of delights.

...fragile and trampled upon...

I started to cry when my father talked to me when I was 2 years old.. I was a fearful child.. I had not seen him around much and he for sure had not paid much attention to me... but, I think I was just especially fearful and sensitive...

I remember being anxious at night being afraid I hadn't prepared well enough for school .. I was so afraid of some of my teachers I often had stomach cramps I couldn't even sit up straight and I had to spend a lot of time on the couch in the apartment of the Janitor and his wife, who acted as the School nurse...

I was so afraid of my father, that even though I was scared to death of the big huge, in my eyes uncontrollable horses , I would go to my riding lessons... even though that meant more cramps and fear..

when I was 15 I rebelliously had a friend pierce my ears in school... after my father threatened to kick me out of the house I took them out.. and the story goes on...

I am 48 years old now and last week my father turned on the voice that scared me to death when I was a child, telling me he was not happy with my "behaviour"   (SERIOUSLY?????) when asked what he meant he told me it was "believing what my brother said"  ..... wow...

have been going through this book by Beth Moore in my Tuesday afternoon Bible Study .. it is called "So long, Insecurity, you have been a bad friend to us" having done a little more than half of it we are concluding that all of us, thanks to God ministering to our souls,  do not have to deal with a lot of those insecurities anymore...

this is true... I know that neither my father's lack of interest nor his abuse have anything to do with my value and worth... neither has the fact that my Ex husband has made me feel inadequate always and finally proved my fear that he didn't really love me to be legitimate by leaving me for someone else... my worth and value is found in Christ and Him alone.. I am a child of the Living God, He considered me worthy enough to lay His life down for me, to die a horrific death on the cross... He loves me, wants to know every detail of my life and is always there for me...

okay... then why, when it comes to men, do I still have this deep insecurity? 

I am drawing near to Him, I am seeking Him, I know Him so much more than ever before.. and yet.. the little 2 year old that was afraid of that man that most definitely didn't really care about her, is still in there... that scared little girl is still trying to find that man that will prove her fears to be wrong.... because he will love her for who she is... he will want to know everything about her and he will never leave her.... 

is it futile ? is it childish and unrealistic ? is it even maybe dangerous? 

not sure... maybe the little girl has to run to Jesus... might it be that the fearful little heart needs to find the security of the Father's embrace? ... don't know where this thought just came from but I have a hunch.... for sure the fragile, trampled upon little soul does not need condemnation or rebuke... not from herself or others... she feels really small and breakable.... she needs the compassion of the One who loves her... good thing He does not let her down.. ever...

...licence to become a parent.....

thinking about "family"..  how God designed it..

starting with the married couple, man and wife... connected by unconditional love and respect, becoming one...
and then, the baby.. , making it a family...
the family, husband / father and wife / mother and the child or children...
by God's design intended to be a safe place to model God's love to the children and to bring them up in the knowledge of the Lord , guide them and nurture them so that they will be able to make an impact in this world for God.. and will know how a family is meant to function...

what a great plan... too bad that we humans just mess it up left, right and centre...
God has given us not only the design but also the guidelines of how to love well, nurture well, discipline well... He is our Father and He does not leave us out there without  instruction, love and the strength to do it..

having spent some very taxing time over the last few years trying to prevent my birth family to go up in flames, having had to live through my own family breaking apart, I am even more convinced that it needs a strong foundation, strength and wisdom from God to have a family that will live up to what it is intended to be....

dealing with the clients at Hope for Life so far, they all are living the nightmare of families that are not intact...  families where children have been abused and tossed out... women and girls that are so craving for the love of a man that they engage in dangerous activity and end up facing such life altering decisions as : will I keep the baby or have an abortion... without any support of the fathers...

children are a gift from the Lord, they have been given to us for safe keeping, they are not our possession... they belong to God... they are coming into the world not by their own choosing but by the choices the parents have made.. they deserve to be treated with respect and with love... they have a right to live...  they have a right to know how much they are loved by their Father in Heaven and this love needs to be portrayed by the earthly parents..

if I could, I would want to make it mandatory to go through in depth counselling, dealing with your own baggage and intense training in parenting before you could have a licence to "Become a Parent"...
SERIOUSLY... in the meantime I am going to continue to try to be a good daughter, a good mother, a good counsellor, and I will try to educate those that are becoming mothers and fathers by leading them to the One who has all the answers and all the help we need...

... impossible WITHOUT God....

another client last night at Hope for Life.. just loving what God is doing, and how He cares so much about us.. the ones that don't know Him and us, the ones that know Him, love Him, want to serve Him and seeking His will for our lives..

I shouldn't be that flabbergasted about how He is at work.. but I am.. I am in awe...

read this story about the little baby that survived without amniotic fluid for almost 20 weeks , when the Drs were expecting him to die for sure..
instead of dying after a day his heartbeat became stronger and stronger and he was delivered healthy at 33 weeks, only his one leg was a little damaged because he had been lying on it all this time..

an Epic meeting this morning... humanly speaking there was no possibility for it to turn out the way it did.
humanly speaking, there was no solution, there was no willingness to compromise.. both sides, because of many old hurts and hardened hearts, because of pride and selfishness, were not really willing to meet half way.. and then.. as the meeting had to come to an end.... there it was, prayers sent up, 2 out of 3 children  trusting Him... there was a compromise ..

again, flabbergasted.. surprised.. in awe of Him, with whom all things are possible.. even when the main players independently and rebelliously are rejecting Him.. He still steps in and does the impossible..

I have come to understand how much He does so that we would know Him more, which leads to us loving and admiring and worshipping Him more..

what love is this.. that He would care enough to do what He did today.. it makes me think of this scripture:
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!... wow, really, after He already gave the biggest gift, His son as a sacrifice for our sins, he continues to give and give and give...
Praising Him today and always...

..Marriage Seminars and Superbowl Parties..

this is a day that will go down in history... it is the day that I will....*drum roll* ..... will go to my first.... *another drumroll*..... Superbowl Party.... yes, it is true, it is also, I think my youngest daughter's first Superbowl party.. then again, she is only 15.... :)
have been inspired by this whole "let's branch out and try new things" spirit I have adapted 2 years ago...

this morning in church I was hit by a wave of sadness,  I guess it happens to all of us...
an announcement of the upcoming marriage seminar made me think of the last one that was run in my church... went there with my then "still husband" and it was a nightmare.. a nightmare because it was like an X-ray showing me just how hopeless and bad my marriage was... no help for us.. funny that it turned out to be that way very soon afterwards... what I didn't know then was that my husband had given his heart to someone else already...  no wonder there was no hope.. duh...

during worship time a beautiful song was sung.. a song that was on the Lullaby CD I had been given for my youngest, now 15 year old daughter.. remember playing that for her and the hopes I had then... hopes  for that child to grow up in a solid Christian home, in a family that would stay intact no matter the conflicts..

so I guess no wonder I was a little subdued and with other stuff distracting me I had some difficulty entering into Worship the way I would usually do... the sermon was great as always.. good thing we are paying our pastor "the big bucks" like he calls it, so that he can make the connection between the food offered to idols then to what we are facing today.. it's what the Lord uses him for :)

hanging around and talking to some of my sisters in Christ afterwards another amazing connection for Hope for Life was brought to my attention and I am once again in awe.. no matter how grey and dull my reality sometimes can be, He is always at work, and.. no matter what others do or not do.. He is always committed to me and His provision not just for me personally but for the girls in  Halton Hills is not only sufficient... it is overwhelmingly generous.. Praise be to Him..

.. children are a gift from the Lord...

... as we grow in our walk with the Lord, it seems that the trials increase, it is almost as if that He knows we can handle it ( and He does know...duh) and He wants to take us to a higher level of trust and faith again and again... as we are getting to know Him more and more,  we trust him and rely on Him, learn about His faithfulness and how much He loves us, our joy increases, even though our circumstances might be tougher..


all that said, I am in this, and I am thankful for the Lord, for His love and His commitment to making me more and more like Him..
today, I could have written a blog post about how difficult it all is, and I didn't want to do this... instead, I started watching old videos of my children..
focusing on my blessings...

after my abortion way back when I was terrified I would not be able to have any more children... my Louisa, born almost 24 years ago was such a blessing from day one.. such a sweet and angel like little Munchkin, what a wonder and blessing she was.. and is..

two and a half years later I remember lying in bed, the night before the scheduled cesarean, worrying if I could love this new baby as much as I loved Louisa... the next day, when I held her in my arms, with her little heart shaped mouth and her ears all rolled in ( seriously ) my heart flooded with a special love for this child... oh my  foolish worries, I didn't know that the capacity of a mother's love is infinite... little Laura has been a delight ever since..



6 more years went by and there was baby number 3... expected with as much anticipation and excitement this little Bekkielein arrived and has brought tremendous joy into my life, oh how I cherish having her home with me, my little independent  girl, love her like crazy...

all 3 are so very different, each of them put together lovingly by the God of the Universe, he knows the numbers of hairs on their heads and He has made them unique and so very special.. each daughter of mine has a specific purpose to fulfill here on this earth, He has called them as His own and has given them His Spirit.. He has given them special talents and gifts, He has knitted them together in my womb, He knows them and He will never leave them or forsake them... He will dry their tears and rejoice with them in the good times.. He has plans for them to prosper them and not to harm them, to give them a hope and a future.. He delights over them with singing and quiets them with His love...
He has given them to me to cherish, nurture and guide.. to bring them up to love the Lord their God with all their hearts and minds and strengths... all my almost 18 years as a Follower of Christ this has been my prayer... and I will never cease praying this for them... that they would love Him passionately, that they would want to please Him and that they would trust Him with all their hearts...

I know that I will spend eternity with them and I am cherishing each moment I have with them now...
they are my joy and my delight.. a gift from the Lord..