once again I kind of thought I should stop writing, stop boring everyone with the up's and down's in my life... and sure enough there are some that say they miss it... really?anyways... the long awaited update...
the last few days in the hospital have been heart wrenching...
this again was a major surgery and no matter that my mother was really doing very well before and this was not an emergency like it was the last time, no life threatening sepsis happening.. it still is VERY hard on her 71 year old body and her mind and attitude...
suffering just sucks... it's true... no one likes to feel pain... when every little movement hurts and life as you know it is as far away as it can be... so sure she is having a hard time...
some, or maybe a great deal of the pain she has caused herself when the first day after the surgery she was trying to escape her status quo by trying to get up every few minutes and trying to get out of her bed... not good on a freshly operated on tummy.... it is our instinct to flee and I guess my mother is a very strong person... disoriented after all the drugs... all she did was follow her instinct and try to get away...
obviously that was not a very good thing....
the last 2 days have been a little more peaceful yet hard... seeing your mother like that, sedated and whimpering to herself and groaning because of pain and discomfort when all we can do is offer her some tea or broth... putting more lotion on her dry lips and helping her to sit up for a moment....
on a positive note, the sun has been shining and it is just so marvelously beautiful here up in the mountains... my daughter is such a delight to be around... so compassionate and caring, funny and smart... I am blessed to spend that much time with her...
so we are going to leave tomorrow (Wednesday), I am praying that today will be a much better day ... because otherwise leaving will be very hard...
I am feeling quite dry spiritually, like being in a desert, I am hoping in the Lord for continued healing, but I am exhausted and I am missing the joy... I know it is there for me ... I read this just now:
O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63
this is where I am.. He is upholding us... my mother is fighting Him.... when will she just give in ???
but He knows best... and that is true.. so there... an update... hope you like it ;)
on a VERY happy note... 9 days until I leave for NASHVILLE..... see how He is blessing me... amazing!!!
