..I am waiting...

sick as a dog.. I hate being sick.. coughing and sneezing like there is no tomorrow..
great..
fallen from the perceived "High", down, flat on my face.. so I am calling out to the friend of the poor, once again...
"help me through the night, help me in the fight, come to my rescue..."

if it was about having "someone" in my life I could have had that a long time ago.. I was told I am too picky many times.. :S

I am looking for the one that my Jesus hand picked and groomed for me, the one He made me for.. is changing and transforming me for.. I won't give in to the need for companionship but rather seek Him out when I feel lonely..
He is my bestest friend, the lover of my soul.. His tenderness soothes my soul..always..

have read a few sayings lately that resonate with my soul:

"I love how God hides you from all the wrong ones. Saves u a lot of heartache. The right one will SEE you..and melt.... " now that's what I want..

"a woman's heart needs to be so hidden in the heart of God that the man has to seek Him to find her..."
hiding in the shelter of His wings... someone has to love Him as much as I do to find me... cool.....

what is needed is trust and patience.. total surrender... again and again.. so today, after another disappointment.. I am choosing to surrender and move closer to the One who protects my heart.. who knows best and who comes to my rescue in my loneliness.. I wasn't even that lonely when that someone had come calling.. was not seeking.. so back to my favourite place I go...
serving Him while I am waiting.. actually, just getting better for now is all I am doing... sucks to be sick...

Despair.

sick

lonely

disappointed

abandoned

depressed

losing hope

tired of this all

where are You?

why a glimpse and then a "NO"?

more sadness

more disappointments

blessings?

really?

and then taken away

is it a game?

alone

trying so hard

failing

where are You??

you promised

you are in control

why not for me?

sad

lonely

sick

sick of it

hiding forever?

I wish

how come not for me?

not from the parents

not from the one who promised

when is it enough?

where are You???

how long?

but you are faithful

so I will praise you

because You are the Rock

I continue to put my trust in You

The End

I like my hair, I like my bed, I like my house...

this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it...



lies, coming out of the crevices of old wounds, that are, slowly healing... trying to creep back into my mind over the last few days.. I choose to RENOUNCE them..
knowing full well that this IS the truth:

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. ( 1 Peter 1:6-9 )

I like my kids, I like my puppies, I like my friends, I like my God, I like my church, I like my hair, I like my room, I like everything... I can do everything good... through Christ... who NEVER disappoints. :)

...Roller Coaster and Amazing Love...

what a week this has been.. or should I say what five days those five days have been ;)
from spending a day in the hospital with my mother dealing with a "fluttery" heart, Sunday Worship and Father's Day celebrations,  to a wonderful day of connecting with someone special on Monday, encouragement and blessing beyond my imaginations on Tuesday, a busy and fulfilling day at Hope for Life on Wednesday, followed by a rather draining and depressing meeting at night to being "serenaded"by the wonderful Worship pastor once again.. a busy evening and weekend ahead...
all this with temperatures that make us think of that place were there is eternal fire... you know what I mean...

and this is what I have been blessed with this week: listening to the same song over and over again for a total of eight hours of driving in two days... and yes, this officially made this song the most played song on my iTunes ;) .. during the last of the eight hours this is what God impressed on my heart:

that He, Jesus, who is the friend of the poor... ( not just the poor in regards to material things but anyone poor : in spirit, joy, love, the meek and humble and downtrodden...) understands the heartaches and deep disappointments of my life.. that He, who comes to the rescue of the poor and makes their hearts His home ( and gives their hearts a home ) indeed has been familiar with what has been done to my heart, He, in His amazing love told me that my sadness resulting from not being treated the way I should have been as a child and as a wife is indeed legitimate.. that I have a right to feel this and that He in turn is blessing me abundantly now because in all of it I have continued to seek Him first, clinging to Him and trusting Him..... ( by His grace, mercy and strength)
..cried tears of joy and gratitude when this new dimension of His love sunk into my heart...
as I fathom the depth of His love a little bit more the love I have for Him becomes even more uncontainable ..
I Worship You Lord Jesus... I will never cease to be in awe of Who You are...

"joy follows suffering"

You are Sunrise. You are blue skies. How would I know the morning if I knew not midnight?

midnight I know.. I have dwelled in the darkness of loss and pain.. I "did" my time there, accepted it and allowed it to hurt...  to take it's course... but then, "your cries of love broke through and I fell in love with you once more...

you have lifted me from the pit and have shown me your mercy and love.. you have given me your peace in all circumstances... and so:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,  from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,  that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,   so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,  and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. ( Ephesians 3:14-19)

to know you in your suffering oh Lord, is to know abundant life... thank you for letting me experience midnight.. so that I would recognize and appreciate the morning.. oh what a glorious one it is...

#SoliDeoGloria

... Uncompromising?????

uncompromising.... what an offensive word this has become in our "post modern, politically correct, all is good if it is good for you- world"
sounds as bad as when we claim we know truth... your truth, my truth... NO, TRUTH!!!

one of the marks of a great church ( this was a sermon on 1 Corinthians chapter 16 , which concluded the sermon series of the last year through the whole book of 1 Corinthians ) is that we are uncompromising!

other points where: Generous, Relationships, Optimistic, Welcoming, Robust, Loving and Submissive..
so Uncompromising...
I love it... I love how black and white the Bible is.. very outspoken and VERY clear...

I, Paul, write this greeting with my own hand.  If anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed. Our Lord, come.
 ( 1 Corinthians 16: 21+22)

no love for the Lord? no love for His church? if you have no love for the Lord, if you look for  answers, help or comfort in something other than the Lord.. as in belief systems you might have had before you were saved  ( like the people in Corinth, going back to the temple of Aphrodites for example) you will be accursed....

if you are not fully committed to Jesus, who is the Truth, the Way and the Life... if you are not fully committed to Jesus, who is the Word... if you are not fully committed to standing up for and living the way His Word and Truth tells you ( failing, but striving always, being transformed)... then let you be accursed...
you will end up being someone the Lord will say to: "get away from me I never knew you..."
there is no grey, no lukewarm, no "creating your own idea of what Christianity is"... why do you think we have been given the Bible... why do you think it is still around today... duh... it is He who has made sure that we can have a copy and be able to understand His Word.. no excuses...

very passionate about this.. yes, I am.
there is more that spoke to me today in church... there will be more.. this though... it is the most important... because, He moves on and "shakes off the sand off His sandals" the Holy Spirit that is...if we do not uphold His Word as the authority of our life, our personal life and that of the church..
and that IS the truth...

.."A fib" or " A Day in the Hospital"...

... so this morning , after taking my puppies outside I had decided that sleeping in was a great plan.. when the phone rang and my father told me my mother was feeling poorly.. problems with her heart..
I jumped out of bed and got ready quick time.. drove over and ended up taking my mother to the hospital..
there is something about someone that feisty and strong to be so obviously in distress..
so thankful we did go even though my mother hates hospitals after last year's months of suffering..
"A fib" or atrial fibrillation.. leading to an irregular and way to fast heart rate is what was diagnosed..
not life threatening today, but dangerous enough to need to be managed with medication....
spent many hours waiting for her heart to calm down and blood work to be okay again..
 a day turning out much different than planned reminded me again of a verse from Proverbs 16:9

In his heart a man plans his course,

    but the Lord determines his steps.

back home after getting her prescription filled and her settled comfortably for the night I spent the night listening to this great young Christian band called Leeland... one song touched my heart in a special way tonite:

On the African plains,

A young mother weeps, for her hungry child

She prays he’ll survive, with tear-filled eyes

She looks up to heaven, and calls your name

She pours out her pain

You know her name, and you hear her cries

Friend of the poor, help me through the night

Help me in the fight, come to my rescue

Friend of the poor, take this skin and bones

Make this heart a home, come to my rescue

On the streets of L.A.

An old man lies in his cardboard home

He feels so alone, with tear-stained eyes

He looks up to heaven, and prays a prayer:

“Is there anyone there?”

You know his name and you hear his cries,

It’s getting dark, it’s getting late

It’s cold outside the rich mans gate

And I’m wondering,

Do you have any friends around here?

today was another gift from the Lord, another day I didn't have to say Good bye to my mother.. the Friend of the Poor, a Friend to all that need Him, He was with us today, gave the Dr's wisdom and made the medication work.. The Friend of the Poor.. the One who made my heart His home.. I pray that today He will make her heart His home.. thanking Him for His good and perfect plans...

Graduation and the road ahead...

what a week.. a whirlwind of activity following 2 weekends of events and rushing around..
this week, starting with the LSAT taken in London, Ontario by my middle daughter, followed by Graduation festivities and her actual Graduation last night..
proud and happy moments... and moments of experiencing the reality of some not so wonderful facts..
this is what life has been and will continue to be, this is, I think, a very normal thing ... growing, learning, embracing the journey..
even the speaker at the University Graduation eluded to it.. it is an ongoing thing..
not all will be perfect,  but all will be needed ingredients on our path to becoming who God has planned for us to be..
much older than this daughter of mine who celebrated this significant event in her life last night I am still on that path as much as she is...
I think I might know a bit better who I am and who this God of mine is, just because I have spent about 27 years more than her on this journey.. there is not a day though that goes by, that doesn't have me learning something new..
layer by layer God is revealing Himself and what He has for me.. often painful sometimes really cool, I am on the journey for better or  for worse..
the good thing is that I know that it is for the better in the end for sure..
for her, the future is bright, so many possibilities, she has proven she has it in her to work hard for what is important to her and there will be a lot that she will achieve..
degrees and titles and positions..  as futile as striving for those could be in the end, when our eyes are fixed on Jesus He will indeed use it for the furthering of His Kingdom and the blessing will be "out of this world"
commitment, intelligence, opportunities.. all  these things have been given to her by her Father in Heaven..


 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

doing the good works that God has in advance prepared for us to do is the greatest blessing in this life..
seek first His Kingdom and all the desires of your heart will be given unto you... bumps in the road and great moments alike, they all are ingredients of our journey here..

God bless my Graduate!!!

outwardly wasting away...

so it's official.. not only do I need prescription reading glasses ( stigmatism's in both eyes ) but also glasses for distance... REALLY?
craziness. this whole aging thing , when did it start???

seems like in this culture we have forgotten how to age with dignity... botox, plastic surgery, derma abrasion, anti wrinkle creams and hair implants... :S seriously?

in a world where youth stands for fun and adventure and strength, where it is all about running after   whatever makes you happy, aging is a sure sign that this life is one day going to come to an end and it must be fought with all that we have in us..

there is nothing wrong with eating healthy and exercising.. after all, God gave us our bodies and we are to treat them well. Our body is His temple and we have to take good care of it.. but..

what happens when we do not age well? we still age... we cannot hide it forever and rather than embracing this phase in our life and bless those around us with our wisdom and experience, we become a sad shell of the person we could be for the generation coming after us...

as children of God we know that after this, we are going to spend eternity with Him.. this is what His Word tells us:


Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.... ( 2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

aging well: realizing your limitations and joyfully blessing those around us.. investing in your children and grandchildren, leaving behind a legacy of otherness and humility...
that's my plan and by His Grace I think I will be able to do this, glasses and all... :)

.. For all my single friends!!! A MUST READ!!!!

up again...( it bothers me) ..in the middle of the night...
but this is what I found hidden in my "documents" .. for all the single people I know:


Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says, "No, not until you're satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.”

"I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me-exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings.”

"I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.”

"Don't be anxious and don't worry. Don't look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to me, or you'll miss what I have to show you."

“And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is perfect love.”

"And Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know I love you. I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied."

Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

And Psalms 37:4-5 Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

without knowing I had this in my "archives" this is exactly what He has taught me...
I am expecting great and marvellous things..  :)

..our days are like fleeting shadows..

up early this morning, I think it was 4 am... ended up responding to an email and listening to some songs on YouTube... I know, crazy..

this was the fav one from this morning:

You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

 You know when I sit and when I rise; 

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways. 

 Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely. 

 You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 

    too lofty for me to attain.

 Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 even there your hand will guide me, 

    your right hand will hold me fast.

 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

 even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

 For you created my inmost being; 

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful, 

    I know that full well.

 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! 

    How vast is the sum of them!

 Were I to count them, 

    they would outnumber the grains of sand —

    when I awake, I am still with you.

 If only you, God, would slay the wicked! 

    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! 

 They speak of you with evil intent;

    your adversaries misuse your name. 

 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,

    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

    I count them my enemies. 

 Search me, God, and know my heart; 

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

since this morning I have found out about 2 people, a child and an adult who have been diagnosed with cancer just now.. my daughter was near the shooting on Saturday, on this day about 400 babies will be aborted.. and so it goes on..

O Lord, what is man that you care for him,

    the son of man that you think of him?

 Man is like a breath; 

    his days are like a fleeting shadow.

each day is a gift from the Lord.. let us use it wisely.. trusting Him and resting in Him.. serving Him and worshipping Him.... May the peace of the Lord be with all that love Him today!!!

... I can't resist your tenderness....

sharing from my heart with a special friend yesterday, she encouraged me by saying what she loves about me so much is  how my love for Jesus is so evident in my life..

made me think of this song, and how it sums up who I am...

explains why I so want to obey Him, explains why I can trust Him,

 explains why, because I love Him so much and spending time with Him

I know how much He loves me...

this song sung  by Michael W Smith at a concert in Hamilton, May 2009 was when God gave me this vision of Himself... I had never heard the song before..

I saw my loving Father stooping down to pick the broken pieces of me up from the floor, cradling me in His arms, He said to me : I know what you are going through.. I care .....

oh, how precious have been the moments of total surrender, limp and shattered in His arms, held closely by the Creator of the Universe.. hearing His heartbeat..

that moment at that concert was just one of the times the Lord revealed His love for me in such tangible ways...

and you know what? I believe Him now, because I cannot resist His tenderness, it is real!!!

I know, that all He has and allows in my life is for my very best... 

Sitting at your feet is where I wanna be

I'm home when I am here with you

Ruined by your grace enamored by your gaze

I can't resist the tenderness in you

I'm deep in love with you Abba Father

I'm deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you precious Jesus

I'm deep in love with you Lord

Humbled and amazed that you would call my name

I never have to search again

There's a deep desire that's burning like a fire

To know you as my closest friend

I'm deep in love with you Abba Father

I'm deep in love with you Lord

My heart it beats for you precious Jesus

I'm deep in love with you Lord

my heart is full of love for and from Jesus... it spills over... it can't be contained.. it is truly AMAZING!!!!

..choosing joy in the brokenness...

Solo, Duet and Trio Show  "The Night of the Stars" last night..
rejoicing that my youngest is still part of this.. this time last year a mass had been found in her kidney and I remember wondering what the future would hold for her..
God was merciful and the CT scan came back clear 2 weeks later..
thankful last night that God in His mercy had spared my oldest from getting hurt by a shooter in the Mall the night before, I was finding myself sitting right next to my Ex-husband and his wife...
dealing with this my soul just chose to praise God.. prayers forming in my mind, not because I wanted to but because my Spirit has learned to praise Him and thank Him at all times and especially when my heart feels vulnerable, assaulted by the brokenness of this world..
this is what is TRUE for all who love the Lord:

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

     my soul thirsts for you;

my flesh faints for you,

    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

    beholding your power and glory.

 Because your steadfast love is better than life,

    my lips will praise you.

 So I will bless you as long as I live;

    in your name I will lift up my hands.

 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,

    and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,

 when I remember you upon my bed,

    and meditate on you in the watches of the night;

 for you have been my help,

    and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

 My soul clings to you;

    your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:1-8

( thanks to Pete Wilson @Cross Point Church, Nashville,TN for tweeting a verse from this Psalm this morning )

praising Him and thanking Him and telling Him how much I love Him focuses my heart and mind and soul on what is important.. His steadfast love is better than life... He satisfies my soul.. He keeps me safe in the shadow of His wings and His right hand upholds me no matter what!

#SoliDeoGloria

.. escaping the shooter at the Eaton Center... God has a plan!

.. a little baby.. loved from the moment of conception ( okay... once the Pregnancy test came back POSITIVE ) nurtured, cheered on, guided, prayed over, prayed for, loved and disciplined, as near to one's heart as can be...

one day you celebrate her 24th Birthday, and the next evening she is steps away from a crazy maniac shooting at people in a Shopping Mall...

O Lord, what is man that you regard him,

    or the son of man that you think of him?

 Man is like a breath;

    his days are like a passing shadow. (Psalm 144:3+4)

had a conversation with her the night before about life, inspired by a young man's testimony at church last week.. stating he had wonderful wife, 3 amazing children and a house and realized he was not going to spend the rest of their lives coasting and accumulating more things.. but rather wanted to live for the Lord and serve Him..

and there she was, 24 hours later confronted with how fragile life on earth is...

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”

  “O death, where is your victory?

    O death, where is your sting?”

 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

  Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. ( 1 Cor 15: 55-58)

as always, this amazing God of ours has already spoken to this, His Word, no surprise, has already addressed this... it is a no brainer... we are here to SERVE and bring GLORY to God..

 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,   but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

 ( Matthew 6:19-21)

Thanking God today for sparing my Louisa and her friend..  Praying that she will fix her eyes on Jesus... He alone is what it is all about!

.. created for His purpose!!!!...

a beautiful day today... a little breeze, not hot but warm.. perfect..

saw a client this morning that warms my heart.. so proud of her.. 

noticed something on my blog... (you know that I can see from where and with what kind of browser and operating system you are accessing my blog? ... :) what the traffic source is and the Search Keywords?.. big "brother is watching you" :P )
anyways.. made me google my name and see what shows up now... and there it was.. the birth and death record of a Miriam Rehfeldt... born Jan 1, 1903 in Ann Arbor, Michigan.... died there in  September 1966...
now... if my name was Anne Smith, or Mary Brown... I wouldn't be surprised that there are oodles with the same name..
but Miriam Rehfeldt... really?  so it is amazing that there has been one, and she lived in Michigan.. find it very intriguing and maybe it is not... but I thought so..

to think that God had me Miriam, born in Germany, come to Canada, marry a "Rehfeldt" and live in Ontario... and that 2 years after I was born this other Miriam Rehfeldt passed away.. after living for 63 years...  I want to know.. was she a believer? was she married, did she have children?

is there any significance to me finding this out? or is it just an interesting fact?
well, I know that my God will make this clear.. someway or another, He is like that.. one reason I love Him so much.. He cares so much about every detail of our lives..

this is what the Lord said to Jeremiah:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” ( Jeremiah 1 :5)

before He formed Miriam Rehfeldt from Ann Arbor Michigan in the womb of her mother, He knew her, He had a purpose for her life... before I, Miriam Rehfeldt from Wittendorf, Germany was formed in the womb of my mother, He knew me, He knew the number of hairs on my head, he knitted me together and He prepared the things He had for me to do.. He knew how He would use me, what purpose He would give me ....

He has many ways to make me feel loved... this definitely is a big one..
Bless His Holy Name, oh my soul, I shall forever serve Him!
Maybe I will meet the other Miriam Rehfeldt in Heaven one day... now wouldn't that just be cool ;)

..crowned with steadfast love and mercy... no matter the stings of reality

she will have no fear of bad news

her heart is steadfast

trusting in the Lord

her heart is secure

she will have no fear

in the end she will look in triumph

over her  foes

Psalm 112 7-8

from being a fearful little girl to being a woman like described in these verses... Hallelujah.. Only the God of the Universe, the Mighty God, the Father who sent His Son to redeem those He had chosen before the beginning of the world, only He could have brought about this kind of a transformation..

TRUST.... when things get tough, when your worst nightmare becomes reality... it is then we need by faith focus on where God will bring us, trusting in His Goodness, rather than just imagining ( and experiencing) all the bad we can by His strength look to where this faithful Father we have in Heaven will have us on the "flip side"... when we come out of the valley of death...

it is He

who redeems me from the pit

who crowns me with steadfast love and mercy

who satisfies me with good

so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's

tomorrow my first little baby, my beloved Louisa will turn 24... I will not see her on her birthday.. this is the first time in 24 years..  realizing she is a grown woman and work is what takes her too far to go and visit her, and accepting that, I am still saddened that if my marriage was still intact I would be with her tomorrow... instead she will be with the one who walked away and his new wife...

realities like that will always be and have been those stings, those consequences that remain to bring pain even though I have arrived on the "flip side" months ago..

but my Lord

shows compassion to those who revere and follow Him...

He, who makes me smile.. He who warms my heart and because:

for as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is His steadfast love toward

those that obey Him and surrender their lives to Him

His steadfast love is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him

and His righteousness to my children's children

Psalm 103

... it's all good... because God is GOOOD all the time!! Praise His Holy Name, oh my soul!!!

.. no more sorrow or pain in heaven....

today, when we finally finished our study of the book "So long, Insecurity, you have been a bad friend" we talked long about how when we trust God, not Him answering our prayers and preventing all we are afraid of,  but trust in Him, we really are able to leave our fears and insecurities behind..
talking about the trials we face, we remembered a Sermon series by James Mc Donald we had watched almost 2 years ago, where he points out that as children of God, He, God, is so committed to refine us and make us better that if there isn't a trial around the next corner ( and they don't always have to be big ) we might have to question if we are really God's children..
shared in my Small Group tonite that I have never have felt that great, at peace and full of joy than I have  for the last little while...
in bed an hour later my daughter calls "Mama" in this terrified tone of voice that I do not hear very often from her...

turns out she saw on my sister's status on fb that my mother's little doggie, Bello, a Jack Russel had died yesterday...
have to admit that this has sent my heart into a tailspin... real sorrow and pain for what my mother must be going through right now... this little puppy dog has been her one consistent delight for  the last 17 years..
when waking up from her coma last year her first few words were.. "no wonder I almost died, I didn't want to live anymore because Bello was dead"...
we were able to bring him to her then and she was so relieved to find out that this was just one of the drug induced nightmares she had while in the coma...
so now it has finally happened... little Bello has passed away...
I am not sure how she will be dealing with this.. so sad once again that there is such a distance between us.. good news is that my parents are going to come here on Friday...
he was "just" a dog... but when this dog is your most loving and permanent companion, you have been his caregiver for 17 years, losing him is not a piece of cake...
I believe strongly that all dogs go to heaven and that we will one day see him again.. maybe God is going to use this loss in the life of my mother to open her eyes to her need to be sure of her own destination when the day comes..
rejoicing that because of the death and resurrection of Christ, my Saviour I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will be in heaven one day.. no more tears and no more Good byes.. no more losses and no more pain... looking forward to it...

May 17,2012.. my 3rd "not anymore Wedding Anniversary"

today is May 17... it is my mother's Birthday, she is turning 72 today.
today is May 17.. it used to be my Wedding Anniversary... now it has become my "not anymore Wedding Anniversary" and it is happening for the third time today..

2 years ago this was a very, very sad day, today it still is a sad day for the fact that something that had been joined together by God and was not supposed to be broken by us does no longer exist..


today, one day short of the 2 year 5 months anniversary of my husband walking away from his promise and commitment I am taking a moment to look back and evaluate..

the consequences of his sin are clearer today than they have been before. the consequences it has brought to my personal life, to my children's lives ...

looking back, what stands out though is, that through it all, Jesus has been there... that I have learned to accept suffering as part of life even more , accepting it to be part of the refining process every follower of Jesus is going through...the Beauty in the Turmoil... I have seen it...

impurities have been brought to the surface in this tremendous fire of walking through indescribable pain, sorrow and loss.. through trust and obedience the Lord was able to remove those impurities and today I am a little bit more like Him..

He has also not wasted a minute of my life but has used every bit of suffering for His glory.. He has made me take my eyes off myself and serve Him like never before..

 driving to work this morning I was praying and thanking Him for bringing me to a place where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am worthy to be loved, worthy to be cherished and valued, worthy to be respected and treated gently.. I am precious in His sight and beautiful...

I am in a place where I can trust in His guidance and wisdom, His timing and His Goodness...
In His time He DOES make all things beautiful....  it is the coming closer to Him that is the Beauty... not the existence / success of a relationship, health, happiness or a life without conflict...
knowing Him and be known by Him.... there is no greater thing...

You keep her in perfect peace

    whose mind is stayed on you,

    because she trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

celebrating Him and bringing Glory to Him is my desire today.

..not according to the Word --> NO LIGHT..

oh how glorious is Your Word , Oh Lord..
there is not a time I read it that I do not get so excited and lifted up. it never fails to clarify things for me..

these are a few verses from this week's passage : For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive.  But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ.  Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet
(1 Corinthian's 15:22-25)

having had some very futile discussions lately about the authority of the Word..  and arguments about if something is not compatible with biblical teaching it is not from God, but from the devil, I was encouraged today to read and think about and marvel at these verses... strong words.. destroying every rule and every authority and power...

to think that there is anything at all in this world that we could be involved in as  Followers of Christ that would be okay to not  be biblical / in accordance with God's revelation to us.. boggles my mind:

When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all. ( 1 Corinthians 15:28)

God wants to be ALL in ALL... makes sense.. He created the world..duh.....

and this one: to the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this [God's] word, it is because there is no light in them" (Isaiah 8:20)... could it be any clearer than this?

becoming a Christian, being born again is receiving the gift of salvation and surrendering to Christ, submitting to His authority, seeking Him in His Word... not in some notion and teachings gleaned from all kinds of other places (  beware: this world is full of false teachings )

 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it  and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.  All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,  that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. ( 2 Timothy 3:14-17)

this is my prayer for those that have been deceived:
that You would put false ways far from them
    and graciously teach them your law, oh Lord ( Psalm 119:29)

.."unclogged" and free...

epic day.. mowed the lawn again and fixed the clogged up kid's bathroom sink.. since moving into this house 18 months ago the water never really drained the way it was supposed to (reeeaaaaalllyyy slowly;)... typical procrastinator I am and not wanting to pay a plumber.. ;) I left it until, a week ago, it happened... no water made it down the drain anymore at all..
asked a friend.. didn't come through for me.. so I looked at the pipes and whatever else is under the sink and was contemplating maybe buying a tool and trying it myself anyways.. started to fiddle with it and got to the root of the problem without having any idea what I was doing... gotta love God for how He can use us and allow us to be successful without having the slightest understanding what it is we are doing..
fact: the drain is clear and the water is running as freely as a little creek in the spring... hahaha
removed some other "stuff" in another area of my life.. it had been clogging me up spiritually lately, and I am so thankful for how God orchestrated all this..
so the Spirit is flowing freely ( like a creek in the spring ) through me again... mind you, He had still been working through me and my ministry anyways.. thankfully..God is just so faithful..
epic day.. amazing.. ( now the kids don't have to brush their teeth in my sink anymore..Hallelujah!!!)