May 17,2012.. my 3rd "not anymore Wedding Anniversary"

today is May 17... it is my mother's Birthday, she is turning 72 today.
today is May 17.. it used to be my Wedding Anniversary... now it has become my "not anymore Wedding Anniversary" and it is happening for the third time today..

2 years ago this was a very, very sad day, today it still is a sad day for the fact that something that had been joined together by God and was not supposed to be broken by us does no longer exist..


today, one day short of the 2 year 5 months anniversary of my husband walking away from his promise and commitment I am taking a moment to look back and evaluate..

the consequences of his sin are clearer today than they have been before. the consequences it has brought to my personal life, to my children's lives ...

looking back, what stands out though is, that through it all, Jesus has been there... that I have learned to accept suffering as part of life even more , accepting it to be part of the refining process every follower of Jesus is going through...the Beauty in the Turmoil... I have seen it...

impurities have been brought to the surface in this tremendous fire of walking through indescribable pain, sorrow and loss.. through trust and obedience the Lord was able to remove those impurities and today I am a little bit more like Him..

He has also not wasted a minute of my life but has used every bit of suffering for His glory.. He has made me take my eyes off myself and serve Him like never before..

 driving to work this morning I was praying and thanking Him for bringing me to a place where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am worthy to be loved, worthy to be cherished and valued, worthy to be respected and treated gently.. I am precious in His sight and beautiful...

I am in a place where I can trust in His guidance and wisdom, His timing and His Goodness...
In His time He DOES make all things beautiful....  it is the coming closer to Him that is the Beauty... not the existence / success of a relationship, health, happiness or a life without conflict...
knowing Him and be known by Him.... there is no greater thing...

You keep her in perfect peace

    whose mind is stayed on you,

    because she trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

celebrating Him and bringing Glory to Him is my desire today.