... loss restored?

love the music to "The Story"...such great insight , looking at it all unfold from a totally different view point... my fav right now: the song of Adam and Eve...

If I could, I’d rewrite history

I’d choose differently; if I could, I would

I’d leave out the part where I broke Your heart

In the garden’s shade, fix the mess I made

If I could, I would

If I could, close my eyes and then

Dance around again; if I could, I would

Be who You adored, why did I need more?

When beauty was not trained to hide behind my shame

If I could, I would.

Can You hear us cry?

Wishing we could turn back time

To feel Your breath when branches move

Take one more sunset walk with You

Must each tomorrow hold

Such brokenness untold?

Can’t imagine how You could

See all of me and say it’s good

If I could hold one memory

It would surely be how You walked with us

I’d go back in time, un-tell my first lie

And let Love’s injury heal in spite of me

Can You hear us cry?

Wishing we could turn back time

To feel Your breath when branches move

Take one more sunset walk with You

Must each tomorrow hold

Such brokenness untold?

Can’t imagine how You could

See all of me and say it’s good

It is good. It is good.

You still love us more than we believed You could

Could there be something more?

Will it ever be the way it was before? 

I personally have never thought about what Adam and Eve must have felt after they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden... they were the only Ones to know fellowship with God the way it was intended... it must have been... I can't think of another word: Heavenly!!!

and still, even though they had it all, they desired more... and they made a bad choice... sin entered the world and the rest is history..

makes me feel a little bit better when I, even though I have fellowship with my Saviour still long for something more.. caught up in this broken world, longing for Heaven, and all life was supposed to be, I too make bad choices at times... I, in my weakness sometimes turn away and take things into my own hands.. instead of staying right there with my Saviour, the Lover of my Soul, the only One that can fulfill all my needs..

the only One that, even though I have disappointed Him again, still loves me... 

as much as I much rather would never make a bad choice I know that I who have been forgiven much, love much more.. is this why He allows it, even though it breaks His heart.. again and again?

can't even try to comprehend such a love... 

the last question in the song... "will it ever be the way it was before???" I think the answer is YES... once Jesus comes back, all brokenness will be gone and we will be enjoying the eternal closeness all of us long for... Heavenly....

...NEWSFLASH: He came to save the LOST!!!!!

let me tell you about my Jesus...

in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. ( John 1: 1-4)

that's the One..


who, being in very nature God,  did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,  being made in human likeness.  and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—  even death on a cross  (Philippians 2: 6-8)

that One..

in the Garden, He prayed : Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you.  for you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him.  now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.  I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.  and now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began. ( John 17:1-5)

so this One... almost 18 years ago He revealed Himself to me... He had known me, but I didn't know Him ... since then I have been seeking Him and getting to know Him better...
and this is something about Him I know now..

He came to bind up the broken-hearted... through His people...

scenario today:
a girl: pregnant.. living below the poverty line... gave birth... without hope she looked for it in the wrong places..
a baby: taken away from it's mother...
He:  told us ( how amazing is that) ..
we: NEED to help her...
that's it....

He, the Word, God's Son.. was there in the beginning... He, chose to give His life for us..He cares.. deeply.. how can we NOT?????????????????????

.. Salvation... all up to Him..

I found this pic.. or I should say the original for it, online.. then I made it my own.. this pic shows two of my most fav creations...Ladybugs and Forget-me -nots... I just needed to spend some time this afternoon creating something pretty.. springy... hopeful.. peaceful... I realized talking to a friend yesterday that when my world had come tumbling down I lost a few not so obvious things, just because I was depressed.. lost some of the things that used to bring me joy... taking photos and "playing" with them was one of them.. gardening is another....
so, today, when looking at all those photos of Forget-me-nots... I decided to plant some this spring...

Easter Sunday today.. this morning as I was driving to church I was praying, thinking my parents would be there as well... asking that today would be the day they would realize their need for a Saviour.. as in being convicted of their sin and brokenness.. over the years I have shared what it means to love Jesus, how wonderful it is to be loved by Him and by the Father... it never sunk in... I guess, it is just another nice fairy tale to them...
I know it has to be God, He is the only One that is able to show us just how much in need of a Saviour we are..
anyways... I prayed... they didn't show up... Great :(
the sermon was amazing, as always.... worshipping Him and celebrating what He accomplished for us on the cross... what a very special day.... I am not carrying the responsibility for their Salvation on my shoulders.. that's in the most capable hands it could be, His .. so this afternoon I chose to take some time to just play a little on my Macbook... nice... Thanks be to Him...

.. The Darling of Heaven Crucified...

this is how love wins, every single time, climbing high up on a cross where someone else should die..
this is how love heals, the deepest part of you, letting Himself bleed into the middle of your wounds...

today, Good Friday.. good, because what was intended for evil in reality was predestined sacrifice... Jesus willingly surrendering His Life.. so that we would not have to receive the just punishment for our sins but instead be forgiven, finding freedom from sin, and be given the gift of eternal life, starting the moment our eyes are opened and our heart kneels before our Lord...

today, a day to remember what has touched my heart almost 18 years ago and has never let go of me..
a love so amazing, so divine.. How deep the Father's love for us, that He would give His only begotten son ... that the Son would die a brutal death on the cross... so that we would know victory over sin..

sang many beautiful and well known songs today, and there .. one line from one of those songs all of a sudden jumped out at me.. the "DARLING" of heaven crucified.....
touched me so deeply... my Jesus, born a baby... Darling of his parents.. Darling of God the Father who loves His Son.. crucified..
with my "Darlings" pretty much all grown up I know this feeling... looking at a young woman and in my heart feeling and "seeing" my little darling... my precious baby... such love.. so overwhelmingly immense.. who could even attempt to fathom the love the Father has for His Son, the Darling of Heaven...

..  Christ Jesus...

  Who, being in very nature God, 

   did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 

 rather, he made himself nothing 

   by taking the very nature of a servant, 

   being made in human likeness. 

 And being found in appearance as a man, 

   he humbled himself 

   by becoming obedient to death— 

      even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place 

   and gave him the name that is above every name, 

 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, 

   in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 

 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, 

   to the glory of God the Father

Good Friday... a Good day indeed.. so many years ago... my heart belongs to the darling of Heaven...

to serve Him and to worship Him is the least I can do... 

... symptoms of a "heart attack"...

The most common symptoms of heart attack in women are :

Shortness of breath X
Weakness X
Unusual fatigue
Cold sweat
Dizziness X
Pain or pressure in the back or high chest X
Pain or discomfort in one or both arms X
Discomfort may be described as pressure, ache, or tightness; may come and go X
A burning sensation in the chest or upper abdomen
Irregular heartbeat
Nausea

okay... so, if you can say yes to 6 out of 11 symptoms... should you go to  the Emergency Department?
if you are a woman like me, you end up waiting it out and just going back home to lie on your couch,...
wise? or maybe more stupid?
there has been a time in my life, I think it was 4-5 years ago, when because of those symptoms my heart was checked out very thoroughly... the trouble turned out to be stress induced and I was found totally "heart healthy"...  the stress during that time of my life was tremendous.... thankfully I haven't had any chest pain anymore since my main "stressor" left my life.. ( even though humongous pain was inflicted when he did, it eventually led to a less tension filled and less stressed-out life)

so when I started to have those pains again over the last 2 weeks I was not very impressed...
it seems that something is going on that has not happened before... I am not feeling very stressed out, I do have peace , the peace that surpasses understanding, the peace that has nothing to do with circumstances but with who I trust in and rely on, He, my Saviour is the one who gives it to me.... amazing, but
apparently... my body has not quite caught up with where my soul is... :S

so... right now I am just waiting, trying to relax.... I hate to be going to the Emergency when "Nothing" is wrong... I am sure that He will come through for me,... not only in the stressful situations that are going on a little too close for comfort, but also in regards to my health... my physical health that is...
emotional health has been restored in me over all those almost 18 years of walking with Him..
scars from childhood and new inflicted wounds... everything has been healed or is in the process of being healed.. His attention to my wounds and hurts has allowed me to be gracious and kind, forgiving and able to relate peacefully with people that have hurt me so much in the past..
the transformation in my heart and soul has also enabled me to without fear stand up for the truth... a price has to be paid at times but I know that this is what He wants for me..
this is how I bring glory to His name.. by acting and reacting so differently from what would be considered normal... me sitting with my Ex-husband and his wife at the Dance Competition or me putting up wise boundaries with my very dysfunctional family... loving them but not allowing them to control or manipulate me.. all possible through Him who saved me and who gives me all I need... with Him, even though my foolish human heart ( the organ) will  still hurt, it is well with my soul...
Praise and Glory be to Him!!!!!

....putting others first...

it is a mad, mad world... humanity' s legacy of hatred, anger, murder and deception that started so very, very long ago..is making this earth a place that we just don't belong to...our citizenship is in Heaven, as born again Christians, we become more and more sensitive to just how broken this world really is...

it kind of spoils the "enjoyment" of life's regular entertainment and highlights... we have different ones.. and they are so wonderful, I would NEVER want to trade those for anything this world has to offer... and yet... this "out of place" feeling is really not such a nice thing.. oh well.....

 a society like ours, that spends lots of time watching reality shows about cakes and bachelors and worst restaurants or "celebrity doubles" while every 30 seconds a child dies of hunger... is a sad thing.. I know.. this is happening so far away, it's not "real" to us.... but then.... there are enough hopeless, broken and helpless people living below the poverty line right in our own backyards...

as Christians we have no excuse... we are called to care... I am even going so far as to say if you don't care.. you might want to test yourself... Jesus came to bind up the broken hearted, to heal the sick and save the lost....He saved us... what are we going to do as we are living our lives as Ambassadors for Him?

He calls us to serve and to love and to share The Good News.... in deeds.. through action...
Priorities...He comes first and all He is about. than comes His church... the rest, like spouses, children, family, work, friends, leisure and entertainment comes after... yes, that is true....

He and all He is about... as we draw close to Him, get to know Him intimately,  He is faithful and will reveal what it is He wants us to do..... I have heard it explained like this before: the place where our passion, our talents and skills and our biggest perceived need intersect is where He is calling us to be at work for Him... ask Him... seek Him and His will, but be sure, it will not be about making your life more comfortable and "exciting".. it will be about bringing glory to Him by putting others first... :)

.. and His anger will burn against you...

a dear Facebook friend posted this today.. I have to admit I do not always watch everything others post.. because let's face it..  I do have a life and if I did that I could never get anything done...
this one peaked my interest though... occult and witchcraft... someone saved from the grip of New Age...  triggered by some concern about someone close to me I just had to watch it...

Deuteronomy 18: 10+11
 Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft,  or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.

I am sure that in today's society most people would be able to read this and dismiss it... who is sacrificing babies in the fire... divination... sorcery... well, maybe a magician at a birthday party... but otherwise..
casting spells also sounds like Fairy Tale and so long ago.. a medium.. a spiritist... maybe even consulting the dead.. hmmmm...

listening what this young lady had to say and knowing my God.. who is a jealous God and who would consider "finding the Divine Self / Greater Self" or trying to foretell any piece of future as just this, witchcraft and divination ( this is what the dictionary says divination means: the practice of attempting to foretell future events or discover hidden knowledge by occult or supernatural means.) all I can think is "..uh-oh...."

Divination has the word divine in it... this is were the trouble lies... finding answers and even healing, something that gives us hope, anywhere but in Him... is SIN.... finding the Divine Self... this is just a huge lie... there is no Divine Self... God is Divine, He is the Only God.. He, in the form of the Holy Spirit enters us the moment we accept the gift of forgiveness.. realizing first that we are in need of it.. the moment we surrender our will, pledging to follow Him, understanding that our worth is through Him alone...
as the story of this beautiful young woman shows, God even will forgive allowing this kind of stuff in our lives.. but then, as with everything we ask God to forgive us for we HAVE to repent.. as in turn away from it and not sin anymore..

Watch it.. it is worth the few minutes of your time..... there is a BIG warning for all those that think they can just make up their own "God" in whichever way it pleases them.. combining Christianity with all kinds of , yes, witchcraft and divination, casting spells.. searching out mediums , horoscopes, numbers and all that stuff.... there are consequences..

for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land.  (Deuteronomy 6:15)

..FACTS.....

..it's been a while.. it seems like life has been like a whirlwind swirling around me... really more like a tornado.. so many things going on...
fact: God is Good all the Time
fact: in this world we WILL have trouble
fact: His peace is with us.. He left it here for us..
fact: His ways are not my ways, His thoughts not my thoughts...
fact: need to stop trying to want to figure it all out..
TRUST is what He wants.. and I do trust Him.
I CAN trust Him only because I know Him... Knowing Him is what my faith is all about..
trying to please Him as I navigate the crazy waters of my life..
Thanking Him in the valleys AND on the mountain tops.. because it is not about happiness but about
knowing Him more and glorifying Him by ( by His strength and grace) making choices that honour Him daily..
fact: I am a long way from glorifying Him in ALL I do..
fact: He already knew that and died for me anyways...
what LOVE is this..
THE END

..receiving the Crown of Life...

.. loving just HOW counter-cultural us "fanatic Bible-thumpers" are.. then again, this is what His Word says:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower.  For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. ( James 1: 2-12)

the ongoing, never-ending and thus frustrating and tiring, exhausting and exasperating struggles in my "original" family could drive a woman crazy... or make her fearful and anxious.. if.... the Spirit of the Holy God of the Universe was not in her, working out God's good and perfect will :)

it will take a few more steps for me to consider it PURE JOY, but there is neither fear, anxiety nor heartache... there is the PEACE that passes all understanding knowing that His Word is truth and that all that counts is the Crown of Life that is promised to those who love Him..
riches will pass away, the proud will come to fall, justice will be done and all will be made right!
Praising Him this morning for always being there... faithful and true, My God, My Redeemer and friend!!!

..taking up the cause of the Fatherless..

talking with a friend I stated that since I am a passionate Christian, even if it was not something the Lord commanded, a future partner in my life has to be a Christian as well..
my life revolves around the One who gave it to me... I see Him in everything... (and that's because He has created it all and is intricately involved in every detail of our lives.. duh...)
if we are aware of it or not, there is a spiritual realm.. another "level" that is going on at all times..

living my life to please Him as good as I can, with His help, I am also able to discern some things that others can't necessarily see.. maybe this is what makes me sensitive to what is going on around me on such a deep level..
not sure, I only know that understanding just how lost this world is is a constant awareness I have..

meeting with a  new client today, one sent to us by the CAS worker, we are so happy to be able to offer her some support with parenting her children... not necessarily what we are "advertising" for, considering we are a Pregnancy Care Center, but still equipped for it all the same..
the curriculum is here and one of the Volunteers is ready to meet with her one on one..

she will join the Young Moms group.. and might even bring her kids for the Kid's program we have on Wednesday nights at the church..
a younger sister, who is pregnant, will come to us as a client in a couple of weeks...

hearing the needs of this whole family I am struck once again by the hopelessness that characterizes some people's lives... we do not have to go far at all, all this is happening right here..

so sure of this calling of the Lord:

 Wash and make yourselves clean.

   Take your evil deeds out of my sight; 

   stop doing wrong. 

 Learn to do right; seek justice. 

   Defend the oppressed.

Take up the cause of the fatherless; 

   plead the case of the widow.

Isaiah 1:16

He is the Father of the Fatherless, the Redeemer of Souls.. He wants us to receive His Grace and Mercy and extend it to others, the gift of salvation is not just for us.. so that we can sit and enjoy the assurance of eternal life and God's blessing... He saves us to be His hands and feet.. my prayer is that He continues to break my heart for what breaks His.. and that He then will guide me on the path of sharing His hope and His love with the people in need... that's what life is all about!!!!

... head coverings... seriously??????? :O

I always like going to church... this morning I was looking forward to it even more than usually ...
 couldn't wait to hear what my Pastor had to say about the passage we were on for that week..

1 Corinthians 11: 2 - 16

 I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the traditions just as I passed them on to you. But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man,[a] and the head of Christ is God.  Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head.  But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is the same as having her head shaved.  For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head.
  A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man.  For man did not come from woman, but woman from man;  neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.  It is for this reason that a woman ought to have authority over her own head, because of the angels.  Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.  For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.
Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered?  Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him,  but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering.  If anyone wants to be contentious about this, we have no other practice—nor do the churches of God.

I do believe the Bible to be God's Word to us, I believe that we need to take it literally, always knowing the historical and cultural context... I do not believe you can pick and choose what you think is still relevant in our time... so I was very curious to hear what I would learn about this passage today.. hadn't heard anything specific about head coverings from God when reading the passage and meditating on it..

long story short, this is what the Good Dr. Paul Little had to say:
as expected he did not think that this was about head coverings for the women.. but rather about the wonderful topic of authority and submission.. of the husband submitting to and honouring Christ by not abdicating his leadership role in a marriage but rather leading and serving his wife selflessly and sacrificially... putting her first and laying his life down for her daily..
of the wife willingly submitting to her husband and respecting him, being his greatest Cheer leader.. not trying to usurp power... this is what God gave us and we are to embrace it.. we do not need to get hung up on this.. our value and worth are the same, we just have different roles... rather than coming up with excuses why we are not "doing it" we should work on ways to do it...
the need for security a woman feels can only be met by a husband who by his commitment and love takes on the responsibility of leadership in the marriage, no matter how unloveable the wife might seem at times ... the need for significance a husband feels can only be met by a wife who admires her husband and respects him, even if it is for the potential she knows he has... rather than fighting this we need to realize that we do depend on each other for these fundamental needs...

nothing new, have worked through this and heard about it many times... understand it and embrace it... I know that my God is to be trusted, whatever He tells us to do is for our best... after all, He is the manufacturer... so He knows what will work for us..

not married at the moment and fully aware that it needs two to decide to live this way I believe firmly that this is the only way it can work.. I have no problem with submitting, I am actually thankful I am not a man... glad that I am not the one responsible.. there is freedom in yielding and letting go of control....

thanks be to God this is what He meant... was not quite okay with the whole head covering thing... phew...

..May God hold you in the palm of His hand.. Happy St. Patrick's Day..

St. Patrick.... supposedly died March 17, 460 AD...
a son of a British Deacon he was abducted and lived in captivity in Ireland, he had to work as a shepherd outside, far away from everyone.. scared and alone he turned to his faith and became a very devout Christian...

according to his writing, a voice—which he believed to be God's—spoke to him in a dream, telling him it was time to leave Ireland.

to do so, Patrick walked nearly 200 miles from County Mayo, where it is believed he was held, to the Irish coast. after escaping to Britain, Patrick reported that he experienced a second revelation—an angel in a dream told him to return to Ireland as a missionary. soon after, Patrick began religious training, a course of study that lasted more than 15 years. after his ordination as a priest, he was sent to Ireland with a dual mission: to minister to Christians already living in Ireland and to begin to convert the Irish.

familiar with the Irish language and culture, Patrick chose to incorporate traditional ritual into his lessons of Christianity instead of attempting to eradicate native Irish beliefs, like  superimposing a sun, a powerful Irish symbol, onto the Christian cross to create what is now called a Celtic cross, so that veneration of the symbol would seem more natural to the Irish.


the Irish culture centered around a rich tradition of oral legend and myth. When this is considered, it is no surprise that the story of Patrick's life became exaggerated over the centuries—spinning exciting tales to remember history has always been a part of the Irish way of life.

Ireland has always fascinated me... it is especially sad that I have not been there yet.. I have read many historic novels and historic books and I love the way everything looks so very green..

today is St. Patricks Day and many are celebrating... I have said before I rather was Irish... and it is true..
well, one of these days I might just have to travel to Ireland ... and maybe I will then get a chance to celebrate St. Paddy's day myself...

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

..this is how love wins... The Story

"The Story"... I had heard about this great endeavour on "the" Cruise" almost 2 years ago... a musical in a way... His Story.. a powerful recounting of His Plan, from the Beginning to the End..

somehow I missed it coming out September 2011..

thankfully my sweet big sister Leslie, who I visited the last few days had the CD in her car... so I downloaded it from iTunes as soon as I had a chance... and my heart is gripped in the awe of how much He loves us.. again....

2 songs have made it onto my fav list already..

there is Abraham...

I see a star; You see the Milky Way

I see one man counting sand

but you see generations

who, but You, would ever choose

to dream Your dream in me?

tell me who, but You, would dare me to

believe what I can’t see

who, but You?

then there is the thief... hanging on the cross next to Jesus...

this is how Love wins, every single time

climbing high upon a tree where someone else should die

this is how Love heals, the deepest part of you

letting Himself bleed into the middle of your wounds

this is what Love says, standing at the door

you don’t have to be who you’ve been before

silenced by His voice, death can’t speak again

this is how Love wins

most of the time the people around me, those that care about me, misunderstand my tears... tears of deepest gratitude and love... it happens when I get a glimpse of who He is... music does that for me.. touching my soul through the tune and the words.. so skillfully put together.. inspired by the One who  the  the song is all about... what He has done for me.. for us.. getting a glimpse of His love, so immense that the only reaction is tears of joy and thankfulness...

my life has been enriched.. once again... I know which songs will be on repeat on my iTunes from now on...

The day it all changed....

sometimes I wish I could be more settled...less sad.... less alone... the funny or not so funny part is that this is just who I am. I have always been that way. a lot worse actually. because now I have a constant in my life that I never had before I met my Saviour... I knew there had to be more to life than what it was and so I looked for it... didn't know what it was... looked everywhere.... New Age.. "The divine within".. makes me cringe now... astrology, numerology, eastern religions.... the beliefs of the native Indians... went to a Sweat Lodge ceremony after I had been praying for 6 months asking God to reveal Himself to me.... I wanted more than just the "traditional Christian" stuff.... it left me empty... like everything else did...so I prayed and asked if He was maybe there, in the tent with the Grandfather stones, the drums and the pipe.... He spoke to me that night... He told me that yes, there was so much more to Him, but that I couldn't meet Him here, I had to go to church.... living in a little Canadian town, I was overwhelmed with the 11 different churches... not used to that.. as a good German girl, I only knew the Catholic and the Lutheran church... everything else I had been told were sects.... God in His wisdom had moved us into a house right next to a family that went to church... they had brought over a meal when they had heard I was sick earlier... wow, I had never ever experienced anything like this... so coming home I asked my neighbors if I could go to church with them the following Sunday.... ..and.. no surprises... there He was.. the Gospel was preached, I heard for the very first time about the fact that Jesus was thinking of me personally, paying for my sins, when He died on the cross, that He wanted to be my personal Saviour, Lord and friend, walking with me through my life.... cried through the whole sermon and my life has never been the same since.. issues? problems? conflicts? pain? heartache? for sure.. but never facing any of it alone anymore.. the Holy Spirit inside me guiding me, teaching me and changing me... not searching for meaning anymore.. just seeking the face of my Lord every day..getting to know Him better and better... blessed to know Him like I do... thankful for the heartaches... bringing me closer to Him..... cherishing every second of the closeness I have with Him.... so... sadness, yes, because in this world we will have troubles...because my citizenship is in Heaven, I am a stranger, an alien in this world, so loneliness, no surprise really ... Him calling me to minister to broken people... sadness because I cannot make it all okay for all of them... giving them what I found that Sunday in June 1994..... my Jesus! sad and lonely yet so full of joy, purpose and meaning...full of love for all those around me... I have nothing to complain... I am embracing my life and all it is... Praising my God for choosing me to be His, way back when.......

...let the offender off the hook???

went to Harvest Bible Chapel today... or I should say, yesterday.. church on a Saturday afternoon... very interesting..
funnily enough the sermon was on a passage in 1 Corinthians, the book my pastor has been preaching on since the fall..
it was a good sermon, a good reminder about what the Lord Supper is really all about and what we, as Christ followers have to do in preparation for this very important celebration..
one of the things we need to do is to make sure that we have done everything to be reconciled to whoever we had any "beef" with...
made me think of the one person that I just have had enough of.... legitimately, I have all the right to feel the way I do.. and still.....
have had to forgive him so many times already... him who is the main reason for all the dysfunction in my family..
a man that for all anyone close to him can see has ever only cared about himself...
who has been mistreating all of us for all our lives... shucks... just over the last few years, culminating in everything that has happened since my mother got so very very sick last year, there have been so many things that need forgiveness... and obediently I have.. forgiven that is..
but I guess, once again not the last few things.... and the weight of the overall damage he has inflicted that has come more and more to the surface and has been so very very frustrating........
so this afternoon, in the few minutes the pastor gave us to silently search our hearts... I didn't have to search, because it was right there..... I forgave my father for the last few episodes of ruthless disregard of my feelings .....
all by my lonesome at home tonite, once again making the mistake to listen to a beautiful love song I got a little bit sad... ( the loneliness just gets to me sometimes) and I was thinking of how he never was there to break my fall.... and he should have been...
forgiveness.. the most difficult thing to do.. the most important one too, though... it needed to be done.. it doesn't change the past... but it changes the present and the future... once again, chains severed, baggage released... rights surrendered... laid down at the foot of the cross, where He paid for my sins... sins that in the eyes of God are no different from those committed against me...
remembering the forgiveness that was extended to me... how can I not forgive those that trespass against me.. even if they blatantly continue to do so again and again...

I just can't hold on to it... the price is too high... feeling rather beaten up right now but I know I did the right thing...

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins (Mark 11:25)


For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14+15)

trusting that He will continue to heal the hurts... because He cares....

.. another fav day: Today!!!

so today has already been a great day, no wonder since it is my favourite day ( remember Pooh?? ;)

... last week we had our annual Missions conference and enthusiastic woman I am I signed up to help with a ministry called Mwana Villages... (check out their video http://vimeo.com/16850960)
a wonderful lady came and spoke about her passion for the street children in the Congo... her vision is to have a "village" of houses were those kids can live with a house mother and get good food, care and education.. basically giving them Hope for Life...
heard back from her this morning and will be involved by doing what I do best ;) promote them on Facebook and twitter... create awareness and get support for what they are doing for these children...

did you see the KONY2012 video yet? I have become a supporter of this cause this week and it blows me away that it is possible now to share a concern you have with the whole world..
there are as many people connected on Facebook today as were populating the earth 200 years ago... that is amazing..

involved with another ministry that is reaching people all over the world sharing the gospel and offering online mentoring...

we are living in a crazy time.. amazing and scary, all at once..
today I am blessed, because my LOVE for my macbook, iPad and iPhone is making a difference yet again..  today is my fav day because the sun is shining, my daughter had a sleepover with some new friends that made breakfast AND cleaned up my kitchen... wow..
I am blessed because I am meeting with a  friend and going to church with him tonite, it is my fav day because my doggies are as cuddly as always and I saw one daughter yesterday for a quick lunch... ( so that made my day yesterday )
it is my best day because He walks with me, really closely and, as always, He is as excited as I am... I am not fanatic but rather a joy to Him, He rejoices over me.. how amazing is that..

what can I say... this is one of my fav scriptures:

The LORD your God is with you, 

   he is mighty to save. 

He will take great delight in you, 

   he will quiet you with his love, 

   he will rejoice over you with singing.

.. Getting the Word out...

..when I first started writing this blog, in June 2010, it was to process what had happened and was happening in my life... my husband had cheated on me and left me... it was a very hard go and so I just had to write about it.. and share how God was helping me in the turmoil... hence the name: Beauty in the turmoil... how He was turning things meant for pure evil to a very raw, yet still "good"...
after a while when things settled down, it became just a blog about what God was doing.. what He was teaching me and so on..
in the beginning there were many that were reading it... after all, there was real heartache, and for women, if I might say, this is the worst nightmare ... and it had come true for me... so there was compassion for me and maybe just "interest".....
the "numbers" have gone down since then and there have been a few times when I wondered if I should just stop... who was I to think I had something to say that would interest and benefit others... every time I thought of this some of my "readers" told me how much my blogs spoke to them and how it blessed them... so I kept going...
in the meantime I have realized that God is using this in yet another, unforeseen way...
choosing pictures from the internet... some must be very popular... people from all over the world read my blog.... they are google-ing "broken heart" and land on my blog...
most of the time there is some scripture and God and His care is always mentioned in some way or the other... so now... I think anyways... if I look at countries like Indonesia, India, Pakistan etc... I think some people read about God, His Word goes out and we all know... it never goes out in vain..
the number of my friends that read this has gone down a lot, and I get it , I repeat myself... the process is a slow one and all... not that much huge stuff going on any more... and I thank God for that..
I will continue writing about who this God of mine is though... because if someone with a broken heart on the other side of the globe can find some hope by reading about the Saviour.. then that is reason enough... and... I just like writing anyways...  ;)


“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?  And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Romans 10: 13-15

Getting the Word out.... in His name!!!

.... dizzy ??? STOP worrying...

never a dull moment at Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center.....
I know that God is the One that made me and I know He is the One that is sovereign over everything... so I am wondering... maybe in His mind a 48 year old should be perfectly fine with the ups and downs and all the excitement, and the heartache... this day has been one of those days... my head is spinning...

feeling discouraged, not able to help like we would like to... then excited for a new client referred by "our" Social worker... beautiful donations received... encouragement from others that have a heart for those in need... overwhelmed by the difficulties some of our clients are facing day in and day out...


there has to be something He wants us to see..... I think this is what the lesson is:

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
    “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.... ( Matthew 26-34 )

ha... blunt..but true... fixing my eyes on the mountain mover rather than on the mountain... celebrating the "successes" rather than being discouraged by what we can't change... trusting Him rather than worrying and leaving the burdens in His capable hands rather than carrying them on our shoulders..
sounds like a good plan..
He is the Director of Hope for Life... I just said, "sure, use me" when He called me...
phew... that is a relief... thankful for Him and trusting Him enough to obey.. I will NOT worry...

... a date... fulfilling all my longings..

“What day is it?" asked Pooh.

"It's today," squeaked Piglet.

"My favorite day," said Pooh.”

I love Winnie the Pooh... and Piglet of course...
Eeyore is my fav, and I do have a lot in common with him...

those two are the sweetest though .. and I know that the changing the Holy Spirit has been bringing about in me is along the lines of their grateful and positive way of looking at life...

this is the day that the Lord has made. let us rejoice and be glad in it...

today is my favourite day... because I woke up and I was still breathing, my doggies greeted me with excitement and love.... my daughter responded without any grumbling when waking her up...
I was able to make her some healthy breakfast and lunch... my car worked so I could drive her to school..
coming back, my doggies were excited to see me again... ;)
I had lemons and water and a water boiler thingi to make a Hot Lemon so that I wouldn't succumb to the cold that wants to develop.. sipping this I had a date with my Saviour who, believe it or not is always so happy to embrace me and listen to what is on my heart... He also always takes the time to speak to me and fill the deepest darkest corners of my soul with His light and warmth... He has the best advice and He is never critical, rude or dismisses me.. He has exciting things to tell me and He wants me to be part in the amazing stuff He is doing....wonderful...
so today is my favourite day.. because like Piglet and Pooh I am on this path with my best friend...  and so I rejoice... because this is the day this best friend of mine made... and so I am glad and rejoice in it...

... wanting to make it all better....

got some very sad news just now... it was to be expected, that we would not be able to "rescue" everyone here at Hope for Life..
choices are choices, everyone has to make them for themselves.. I do understand very well that difficult circumstances will make abortion look like the only sensible and doable solution to the problem..
judging no one but rather heartbroken, because I know that this is not going to fix anything....
made sure this person knows we love her and are here for her anytime, no matter what...
the circumstances are what breaks my heart, the hopelessness that has been a reality for her all her life.. no one trustworthy has been in this girl's life ever...
so I cry out to you, Lord... are you out there for her???
what is your plan for her, Lord? what else could we have done for her?
couldn't erase all the experiences and put everything nicely in order for her with a bow around it... and you can be sure that's what I wish I could do... after all, I am a mother and I by instinct am the Rescue Helicopter ....
did all we could, prayed and reached out... this is what we will continue to do... pray and reach out and love.. because that's what we can, the rest is in His hands...
finding it VERY difficult to accept this... it seems we should have been able to do more for her...
really struggling with this now...
I am pleading with the Lord of Mercy and Love.... you say help is on the way... please Lord, have mercy on this girl... Love her and give her the security she needs ..... please...

..You are well acquainted with my grief...

found a new fav song... I think they are amazing.. 

Leeland... a band out of.... : NASHVILLE..... 

who would have thought.. 

one of the members of the band is Jack Mooring, Whitney's ( MWS eldest daughter's) husband... 

yes... very talented... very deep.... speaks to my soul....

Fear is far from love

And I feel scared enough

To think You’ve given up on me

But I can’t hide my shame

You know my deepest pain

You are well acquainted with my grief

Oh great God of power

I have lost my strength

This is my desperate hour

I’m calling out Your name

I cry

Are You out there tonight

Or am I all alone

This time it’s the fight of my life

So I cry

I can’t do this on my own

I can’t do this on my own

I am giving You control

If weakness is a crown

Then I kneel before You now

And lay it at Your feet as an offering

And if You hold everything

Then don’t let go of me

Hide me in the shadow of Your wings

Oh great God of power

I have lost my strength

This is my desperate hour

I’m calling out Your name

Are you out there tonight?

I can't do this alone....

this is not my most desperate hour, thanks be to Him... but I am always desperate for Him... because there is NOTHING I can do on my own.. it seems when one thing is working well there are 5 other areas that fall apart at the same time..

being the "emotionally sensitive" person that I am I just think my skin is a bit thin... being called to serve in front-line ministry is very rewarding, but very difficult as well... seeing all the brokenness so clearly... it breaks my heart.. ALL THE TIME..... thankful to be able to offer some support and relief... I am still heartbroken, even discouraged at times.... it is just not supposed to be like that.....

what could anyone ever hope to accomplish to help those in need without the "Great God of Power".... so thankful I know Him...  with Him all things are possible... with Him, the Mountain Mover, nothing is big enough to take away hope... calling out... wondering if He is out there.. I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt He is actually right here.... clinging to Him for my personal needs as much as for everyone I know that needs Him... holding on to Him with the last little bit of strength I have... desperately.... and then, I realize.. it is Him who is holding me #Amazinglove

...broken hearts making history????

...Pippi Longstocking said something very wise one day.. "you get to hear a lot before your ears fall off"...

soooo  true.................... heard some more, yesterday... I am a fanatic and a dangerous combination of emotionally sensitive and very intelligent... wow... I am someone who buries her teeth in a bone and won't let go... hmmmmmm........

compliments???? or painful daggers.... not meant as daggers and still...fanatic, I argued, should really be passionate... but then, I was told, I was naive... so... what can I say... I am who God made me to be..

despite the hurt, the neglect and the abuse of my childhood, the blatant narcissism of significant male figures in my life He has made me into exactly who I am meant to be...

Is it true today that when people pray

Cloudless skies will break,

Kings and queens will shake?

Yes, it's true, and I believe it,

I'm living for You.

I'm gonna be a history maker in this land.

I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind.

I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run into Your arms,

Into Your arms again,

Into Your arms, into Your arms again.

Is it true today, that when people pray

We'll see dead men rise,

And the blind set free?

Yes, it's true, and I believe it,

I'm living for You. 

Is it true today, that when people stand

With the fire of God and the truth in hand,

We'll see miracles, we'll see angels sing,

We'll see broken hearts making history?

Yes, it's true, and I believe it.

I'm living for you.

( Martin Smith, History Maker)

ministering / sharing truth with family... very hard.. but I am called to stand, with the power of truth in my hand... I have wrestled and I have achieved something monumental... the person has agreed to read the four accounts of the Gospel.... and I have promised to keep my mouth shut if he will not encounter my God in there....  so there....

The Father has decided for me to be here, at this time, in this place, with this broken and damaged heart to be a history maker... pouring my love and my essence out to those that cross my path.. at Hope for Life, at the grocery store or in "family meetings".......... exhausting, yeah, sometimes, but so worth it... because, what would be better than living for HIM... I can't think of anything..... :)

.. the Calmer of storms..

this has been a "single-women-friendly" winter so far... I have shovelled snow only once and even that time I could have left it, because it all melted away a day later anyways...
happy for every little thing that makes this easier..

praying when driving  is such a habit of mine so I did it earlier when picking my daughter up from dance.
I prayed for my friend and her daughter again, still at Sick Kids... my heart breaking for them, life has  thrown them so many curveballs in the years I have known them...
praying for the 3 women / families I know personally whose lives have been hit by divorce since it happened to us... all of us have been betrayed and left, for some it is has not even been a year yet...

read something today:

I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can’t climb. I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild. I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside. I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You.

tornadoes, hail storms, winter, spring, families, dysfunction, hurt, sunshine, disease, support, abandonment, joy, tears, break-ups, new beginnings, healing, forgiveness, pain, selfishness, humility, pride, love, commitment, loss, disaster, freedom...

and yet always , there He is... 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, 

   a stronghold in times of trouble. 

  Those who know your name trust in you, 

   for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalms 9: 9+10

and there it is... one of my fav passages:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

believing that if He allows it, since He loves us like no other, it is worth it.. always..

Praise be to HIM #SoliDeoGloria

...satisfy us in the morning...

In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; 

   in the morning I lay my requests before you 

   and wait expectantly. 

Psalm 5:3

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:14

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, 

   for I have put my trust in you. 

Show me the way I should go, 

   for to you I entrust my life. 

Psalm 143:8

This morning, Lord, I come to you and I give you all my burdens.. ( they seem to be piling up :S )

This morning I ask you to help me put my trust in you.. I am leaving my burdens, worries, sadness and hurts at your throne.. help me not to pick them up again during the day..

You alone know what this day will hold, you alone are able to keep me on the path that brings you glory.

I praise you this morning and thank you, for you keep your promises and they are many..

you have clothed me with dignity and strength, you have crowned me with honour and glory.. for your name's sake...

I rely on you to help me keep my eyes fixed on you, for you are eternal, trustworthy, righteous and holy.

You alone are worthy of my praise..

Let me not put up an idol today or grumble about my life... let me accept where you have me with thankfulness and gratitude...

I love you Lord

and I lift my voice

to worship You,

oh my soul rejoice

Satisfy us in the morning with your love

May the favour of the Lord,

 be upon us and our land,

And establish for us all

The work of our hands

AMEN

.. a light in the darkness....

there were many that thought the name for the Pregnancy Center  ( Hope for Life ) would be too "Pro Life" and people wouldn't come... there were many that thought that having it in the church would keep those that need help from coming... there were many that didn't agree with us "affiliating" with our church relying on them for support and guidance and protection...
today, meeting with a wonderful young woman, our Children's Aid Worker, so excited and appreciative of the variety of support we have available... it was so great to see how impressed she was with what Hope for Life has to offer, and how happy she was to find out about the Divorce Care group the church runs and the Program to help overcome addiction of any kind... when she saw the Care Closet and the EWYL cupboard ( all the beautiful new stuff we have the girls can "buy" with the points they get for coming to their mentoring session and doing their homework) .. she just loved it all...
all of the many clients that have come.. despite the name and the location... have been so surprised at how nice everything is, the Care Closet is in the "Crib Room" of the Nursery... today we came to the conclusion, not only is God bringing those He wants us to minister to, like we believed He would, He also is doing something totally different .. He is changing the perception of what  "church" is of the people that come...
as our church is gearing up for more and more community support programs, this town will come to see what church really is all about..
that we, the church, have a heart to help them, to bring them "Hope for Life", practical support and love...
that this is what being a Christian really means... going forth in His love , with His compassion and His power to change...
we are not people that have it all together.. we just have Someone who can help us overcome dysfunction and brokenness, and because of the gratitude we feel towards what He is doing in our lives, we are excited about making Him known by our "walk", not by our talk... no judgment, just understanding and support...
I think, this is what those that have come so far have felt... so thankful to be able to be His hands and feet...

..FLEEING from temptation...

for so many years I used to get all teary eyed in church... first because the love of my Lord Jesus Christ was just sinking in and that moved me to tears... Him having saved me from a life lost and broken.. tears of gratitude and awe..
as the years went by finding His comfort on a Sunday morning during worship was so overwhelming and  day to day life so very hard, I was just broken, it seemed His love was like a cocoon.... like a layer of cotton balls all around me and my defences could come tumbling down, at least for a little while...
then, the big trauma and all the many tears that were shed in the months following the demise of my marriage... having been healed from these deep wounds inflicted by betrayal and abandonment I have reached some stability in my life and there haven't been tears in church for a long time...
today.. a different story..
it is just too bad that this life is a journey... yes, it is too bad that there is not something we can reach or achieve or figure out that would leave us just fine for the rest of our lives... on the contrary, when we have figured one thing out we can be sure that God very soon will allow us to recognize another layer of brokenness and difficulty...

I have to admit that I am a little TIRED of this all....
told today that we needed to remember how amazing His grace is when we are just so tired at times that we are tempted to give in and/or up....
a few more lessons from this sermon..need to remember EVERY sin has consequences, both the pain and harm, the scars and the "ripple effect" and the discipline of the Lord... ( we are His children , He loves us and therefore He disciplines us... :S ) ..
need to remember I am VULNERABLE, and you can say that out loud... especially if I think I am far beyond all that "sinful stuff".. duh...
He does provide an escape... with Him I can choose to say no and stand firm, or just FLEE... relying on Him I will be able to endure the temptation and by His grace eventually will move beyond this specific sin...
and.. last but not least, I do have to remember that the evil one is the one that is behind the temptation... he is the one that wants to trip me up, ruin what the Lord is doing through me, my testimony, the glory I by His grace can bring to His name.......
pheeewwww.....
my sin.... in a nutshell.. being discontent with where He has me... shoot... so far not able to conquer this one, but with Him I know I can.. eventually...
because this is true: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. and God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. but when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. ( 1 Corinthians 10:13 )

..God wants me to be happy... really?

..heard that a few times in the last little while..."God wants us to be happy"..... where do people get that from??????

yes, the Bible is telling us about how much God loves us, how He blesses us, what He has for us, the life He has for us, a life He wants us to live abundantly... He gives us joy, peace, kindness, patience, gentleness... He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us..  He gives us hope, and a future, He is promising us that in the suffering He will be there, that the peace that passes all understanding will always be ours ... in persevering our characters will be refined, in the fire our faith will be proven genuine.. He says to pick up His cross daily, we are to bring glory to His name.. He gives us His rules and regulations to keep us save from hurting ourselves and everyone around us..
He definitely wants us to become more like Him, know Him, put others before our own needs..
where does it say He wants us to be happy????
I have not found it.. he wants what is best for us... in the long run, and in the long run it is about knowing Him more and more and to learn that we desperately depend on Him... that we NEED to rely on Him alone...
I think those that want to change some of the rules because He definitely can't mean this since He wants us to be happy, don't really trust Him..
driving this morning listening to Casting Crowns, I was once again overwhelmed that the fact that He has saved me when I didn't deserve it, should really make me "HAPPY" for the rest of my life... here and in Heaven with Him...
shouldn't born again followers of Christ, those that have a relationship with Him and have tasted the blessing of knowing Him intimately know better???
I know that it is easy to get caught up in all this... our world tells us we have a RIGHT to be happy... well.. again, is God saying this? I don't think so... we will have total bliss, no more tears and all the joy and happiness there is when we are with Him for eternity.. here on this earth He said we will have troubles.. but He has overcome the world... He said "Don't be surprised when you have to deal with suffering and heartache... with me you can continue to do right, serve me and be a good ambassador for me... I think the whole "God wants me to be happy thingi" is a little off.. holy, yes, joyful in all circumstances yes, but happy??? not so sure...

.... Hope for Life.....

this wonderful friend of mine.. one of my innermost circle of friends... one of those that you meet and have that instant connection with... a friend that supports you and is always there for you... a friend that has your back .. a mutual friend today said she thought of her as being Job... this friend of mine has had to go through a lot in the years I have known her...
sickness at first, her child, and then her.... and then, 10 months ago I received a call from her that made my heart break all over again... here she was facing the same pain I had had to go through 2 years ago... I never would have wished this on an enemy of mine ( I don't even think I have any) but for a friend that close to my heart to go through this hurt me as if it was happening all over again...
we have become even closer through the last 10 months and as much as we both would not have wanted the other to have to deal with this, it is good that we have each other...
last week, more bad news.. this time her precious child, sick again, seriously sick... waking up many times every night just praying for both of them... I know that He is right there with them, I know that He will turn this into something good... He will do that because they love Him... He has called them according to His purpose... He is there to comfort, to give hope, to heal, to walk through the valley with them..
He is giving them peace, peace that surpasses all understanding... He has surrounded them with great doctors and loving nurses, supportive family and friends, and even though had they had a choice they would have chosen not to have to deal with this on top of the turmoil of the last 10 months, He will bless them through it... there will be beauty from ashes and they will know Him even more.. they will know His sweet fellowship and love.. they will know His presence and faithfulness on a much deeper level...
He has perfect plans for them, plans to prosper them, both of them, and not to harm them.. even if this might be hard to see right now.. plans to give them a hope and a future... a future so much brighter than anything they could wish for....

there is a girl I will meet with this week, a young girl that is pregnant... overwhelmed by her reality... there is a woman who is on the path of healing from an abortion.. another woman met with my partner today, pregnant too and not sure what to do... there is such heartbreak EVERYWHERE...
..and like our Pastor for Outreach so passionately communicated on Sunday... we have something to offer to the hurting world.. we relate to them in our sinfulness, in our brokenness, the only difference is that we have HOPE..
a hope that will not be disappointed, because of the Saviour we have... that's the difference.. and we HAVE  to share it... why else did He leave us here... right on Pastor Bob....