"it's not supposed to be this way....."

a well known Christian author just recently released a book with this title, or at least something similar...

wasn't quite sure what she was talking about but just saw a picture of her and her husband renewing their wedding vows...so, I now know that her " not supposed to be this way" had to do with her marriage falling apart..

see, when I went through my marriage breaking up and the following years, I often called the hard stuff the "not-supposed-to-be-that-way" moments"

those, I knew it very soon into the whole ordeal were not just limited to the moment of impact. the moment I received the email that my husband was not going to come back. that he had decided to leave us forever, a week before Christmas.
they weren't going to be limited to me lying on the floor screaming ( I did compare it to a deer that had been hit ) and the agony it was to tell the kids... the Christmas I am not sure how we survived and the long hard weeks following the casual dismissal of a lifelong covenant...

no, they are not limited to any of this, in fact, they are still going on.
two weddings of my daughters made that very clear indeed.

it's just not supposed to be that way.

it's a true statement.

This is what Jesus said in Mark 10:2-10

And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  He answered them, “What did Moses command you?”  They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”  And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.  But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’  ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

so, no, it's not supposed to be that way.

neither is it supposed to be that way that we hate a brother in our heart.
or that we impatiently make a hurtful remark
or think of ourselves above others...

the first "not-supposed-to-be-like-that-way" moment happened in the garden.
when Eve took the fruit.
when Adam didn't stop her but instead went along.
the rest, as they say is history.....

the good news is, that at the fullness of time God did indeed send the solution that He had planned before the beginning of time to earth.
the beloved Son, the Darling of Heaven, in the form of a baby, entered this world..
He came to lay down His life, the spotless lamb, wrapped in swaddling cloths as to not get any blemish on Him, sinless, and therefore able to atone for our sins once and for all, He was crushed for our sake.
He rose again and defeated death, so everyone who believes in Him can be free ..
free to have a relationship with God,
free to sin no more
free from fear
free from Satan's condemnation.....


I saw that this famous author's marriage was restored, new vows were whispered, promises made.
I am rejoicing with her and her family. God is indeed good.

for me, not that outcome.
no restoration of the marriage.
no miracle.

and yet, He did restore the years the locusts have eaten, He did use for good what was intended for evil, He got the glory and I got the good...

because one of the main lessons I learned was this:
my hope is in Him.
not in my miraculously restored circumstance.
not even in my children not being hurt and affected by this sin, over and over again.

no.
in Him.

in the meantime He has even restored some of the circumstances in wonderful ways.
scars, for sure, moments, for sure, but He, who is my hope,
He is always there.
He never disappoints
He never leaves or forsakes.

so.
how "not-supposed-to-be-that-way" are the "not-supposed-to-be-that-way"moments and trials and various griefs???

is He not sovereign over all of them?
have they not been orchestrated informed by His purposeful goodness???

I think so.

so I rejoice, even though I might be enduring trials of many kinds, since my momentary and light afflictions are achieving for me an eternal glory that FAR outweighs them all.

God is most glorified in us,
when we are most satisfied in Him

SOLI DEO GLORIA

..confusion not from God!!!..

used to live in this bubble..  most of my friends were from MY church and some, just a few,  that weren't Christians, as in my family ...
life was pretty straightforward and all seemed pretty clear.. the truth was what I had been learning since becoming a Christian, solid, biblical teaching and my own studies of the Word, the Lord making things clear to me and changing me gently..
in the meantime, because my life fell apart two and a half year ago, I have met some Christians that have different views on some pretty significant things ... have to admit it has thrown me off at times..
thankfully the Holy Spirit keeps making me feel uncomfortable again and again and I am drawn back to the Word..
today Michael Minot, amazing Christian guy tweeted this: " Guard your heart and your mind. These are the places where the enemy wages his warfare"... I had just been spending time in the Word and this was what jumped out to me: For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.  ( 1 Cor 14 : 33)
if confusion enters one's mind we can be sure it is not from God.. with God there is peace, wisdom and direction..
needed to be reminded that my fragile and vulnerable heart is easy prey.. cannot let Satan try and use this to bring confusion to my mind..
so here are some reminders for me:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God..He was with God in the beginning.. ( John 1: 1+2 )
and then there is this:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,  so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16+17)

bottom line is this: Truth is Truth and the Word is the Word.. I am choosing to submit to it's authority.. I do not have to question or debate, I don't have to seek for answers it doesn't give, I just have to believe it and trust God..
I love Jesus and He is the Word.. He is the One who was with God in the beginning..
this is how John chapter 1 goes on:
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

I need to leave it there because this is what it says as well:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. ( Isaiah 55:8 )
That's it.

...let the offender off the hook???

went to Harvest Bible Chapel today... or I should say, yesterday.. church on a Saturday afternoon... very interesting..
funnily enough the sermon was on a passage in 1 Corinthians, the book my pastor has been preaching on since the fall..
it was a good sermon, a good reminder about what the Lord Supper is really all about and what we, as Christ followers have to do in preparation for this very important celebration..
one of the things we need to do is to make sure that we have done everything to be reconciled to whoever we had any "beef" with...
made me think of the one person that I just have had enough of.... legitimately, I have all the right to feel the way I do.. and still.....
have had to forgive him so many times already... him who is the main reason for all the dysfunction in my family..
a man that for all anyone close to him can see has ever only cared about himself...
who has been mistreating all of us for all our lives... shucks... just over the last few years, culminating in everything that has happened since my mother got so very very sick last year, there have been so many things that need forgiveness... and obediently I have.. forgiven that is..
but I guess, once again not the last few things.... and the weight of the overall damage he has inflicted that has come more and more to the surface and has been so very very frustrating........
so this afternoon, in the few minutes the pastor gave us to silently search our hearts... I didn't have to search, because it was right there..... I forgave my father for the last few episodes of ruthless disregard of my feelings .....
all by my lonesome at home tonite, once again making the mistake to listen to a beautiful love song I got a little bit sad... ( the loneliness just gets to me sometimes) and I was thinking of how he never was there to break my fall.... and he should have been...
forgiveness.. the most difficult thing to do.. the most important one too, though... it needed to be done.. it doesn't change the past... but it changes the present and the future... once again, chains severed, baggage released... rights surrendered... laid down at the foot of the cross, where He paid for my sins... sins that in the eyes of God are no different from those committed against me...
remembering the forgiveness that was extended to me... how can I not forgive those that trespass against me.. even if they blatantly continue to do so again and again...

I just can't hold on to it... the price is too high... feeling rather beaten up right now but I know I did the right thing...

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins (Mark 11:25)


For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14+15)

trusting that He will continue to heal the hurts... because He cares....

.. another fav day: Today!!!

so today has already been a great day, no wonder since it is my favourite day ( remember Pooh?? ;)

... last week we had our annual Missions conference and enthusiastic woman I am I signed up to help with a ministry called Mwana Villages... (check out their video http://vimeo.com/16850960)
a wonderful lady came and spoke about her passion for the street children in the Congo... her vision is to have a "village" of houses were those kids can live with a house mother and get good food, care and education.. basically giving them Hope for Life...
heard back from her this morning and will be involved by doing what I do best ;) promote them on Facebook and twitter... create awareness and get support for what they are doing for these children...

did you see the KONY2012 video yet? I have become a supporter of this cause this week and it blows me away that it is possible now to share a concern you have with the whole world..
there are as many people connected on Facebook today as were populating the earth 200 years ago... that is amazing..

involved with another ministry that is reaching people all over the world sharing the gospel and offering online mentoring...

we are living in a crazy time.. amazing and scary, all at once..
today I am blessed, because my LOVE for my macbook, iPad and iPhone is making a difference yet again..  today is my fav day because the sun is shining, my daughter had a sleepover with some new friends that made breakfast AND cleaned up my kitchen... wow..
I am blessed because I am meeting with a  friend and going to church with him tonite, it is my fav day because my doggies are as cuddly as always and I saw one daughter yesterday for a quick lunch... ( so that made my day yesterday )
it is my best day because He walks with me, really closely and, as always, He is as excited as I am... I am not fanatic but rather a joy to Him, He rejoices over me.. how amazing is that..

what can I say... this is one of my fav scriptures:

The LORD your God is with you, 

   he is mighty to save. 

He will take great delight in you, 

   he will quiet you with his love, 

   he will rejoice over you with singing.

... it is ok to not be okay...

one of my fav pastors, a guy named Pete Wilson, a pastor in Nashville, challenged his facebook friends today by saying " Let's be real today... it is ok to not be ok" .... ha....
kind of sad that a pastor would have to say that to his friends, mainly you would think Christians, maybe even from his church... one lady commented that in her experience the church was not a safe place to not be okay...

as someone who likes history, my mind always tries to figure out what happened, in regards to the church, Jesus by His dealings with sinners made it pretty clear that He was very understanding and full of mercy and grace.. His death was the ultimate proof that this is what He was all about... grace, open arms for us, the sinners, and that we are justified through what He did, we are people stuck in this world, not ok, yet loved, accepted  by Him...so what happened?

I think people happened... people, well meaning people for sure, needed to find some way to control what was going on... people like you and me, believers, struggling to trust and just take what His word says at face value and stick to it... instead people came up, and still do today, with rules and regulations and created an environment where it was again (like in Jesus' times, the Pharisees) not ok to be not ok....

man made rules, made up to control what people were doing.... not trusting God, really putting Him in a box... making Him very small....
because, being not ok is ok, not because it is okay to sin,  but because He loves us and is fully aware how broken we are, because of what He did we are forgiven, His spirit in us will never give up on transforming us and making us more and more like Him....

trusting Him for what He has promised and relying on His strength to be transformed... not out of our own strength... if we do that, we do not have to feel that we need to control whats happening around us, we will not judge others and we will be free from condemnation, even if others (even in the church) are judging us...

there is power in transparency, being authentic and admitting not to be ok allows others to see how God is working in our lives... so please, of all places, be ok to not be ok in your church...... admitting things are not okay is difficult, pride has to be put aside... good lesson I think... fear of condemnation...if we know who we are in Christ  that shouldn't bother us... rather we can enjoy the acceptance of the genuine body of Christ... what blessing and freedom in being real... so let's be real, not just today, but always!

..till death do us part...

...one week from today the man who promised to love me until death would tear us apart is going to make this same promise again... even the best man is going to be the same one.... my daughters will be at this joyous event and many of the people that one day were friends of "us".....
as the day approaches I would be lying if I were to say that I am totally fine... the truth is, I am, in regards to him no longer being my husband, to him moving on so quickly, I am, I am fine with that... I am actually relieved that I am no longer in an "existence of pain" but rather in the process of moving "through the pain"  nearing the end of it... so, all this is good, but I would still be lying if I said it didn't make me sad ... I know that my girls are going to have an awkward time and it is going to be hurtful for them to have to be a part of a ceremony that will just manifest once again that the family that was their security and meant to be a strong foundation, no longer exists... no news for them but sharing in a day like this will bring it right to the surface... difficult to say the least... I wish I could be there for them but they will have to face this one alone, not alone, but without me ... love them so much , my girls ...
heading to Nashville on Wednesday and looking forward to it so much... so thankful to be blessed this way....
today some wonderful people painted the office of Hope for Life... so exciting , measured the Care Closet for the shelving we will get put in...I have boxes full of beautiful baby clothes in my basement waiting to be sorted and put out.... all is starting to shape up, God is so good... a year ago this was a thought that was starting to form, now it is becoming reality...
Prince Charming hasn't shown up yet, he might never, but right now that is a good thing I think, really need to be there for those that do love me and need me around... and for those that need encouragement and help that I haven't even met yet... what a privilege to be of use.. so thankful for the purpose God has for my life... for His continued love and support... His blessings and provision.... the abundant life that He has promised...  and the fact that He does keep them... the promises that is... #SoliDeoGloria

.... clinging to the truth... rather than a HUGE LIE...

life... not always easy...  hasn't been, since Adam and Eve... actually a lot easier today than even a hundred years ago... our sense of entitlement... our idea we have a "right" to happiness / an easy life... more of an invention of our times... ridiculous really....
people dying of hunger... every second, people killed in wars, always, children abused, abducted, sold, mistreated... always... people dying of diseases, horrible living conditions.. always...
two things are happening that make us think this life is so bad... and how could a loving God allow this..
one, today, with our wealth and all the technology and media, we know about everything that goes on in the world at all times... never before would we have known about it... we also have been sensitized ( which is a good thing)... living in the after glow of a society that was committed to Christ and implemented many of His principles in this world, caring for the needy, the sick and mistreated, implementing a system of law enforcement...
and.. secondly... many of us have no idea about history... do you know how people lived let's say 300 years ago? do you have any idea about the heartache... how hard life really was?
talking with my daughter today about cancer and how we think this is so rampant today? the truth is, "old age" cancer has probably always been around... old people died... no one knew why... it was accepted... even young people died.. life expectancy was not as high as it is today... mother's died in childbirth, infant mortality was horrifyingly high... but, people accepted it, accepted that life was hard...
so, today, instead of being thankful for all the changes for the better that God has allowed and brought about... we grumble about how hard life is..
so we get sick? we have to deal with relationship problems? well, welcome to the real world... not the world of romance novels and movies... the real world...
for sure this generation is facing issues and heartache that are new to this world... the negative side of the innovations and progress... the loss of what was a godly society at one point in time.. morals declining and environmental health risks... all this is true...
have often thought about the trouble in my life as what is driving me to Him... ever thought about that's why it is here? the "thorn" in our thighs... showing us that we need God.. need Him every second of every day of our lives... with Him, difficulties can be overcome.. peace can be found... and dying... it becomes the passing on from this world into the next... traveling from a place that is not our home, to the place where our citizenship is.. in Heaven...
life... a gift.. every breath.. a gift... every moment of happiness and joy, an undeserved gift, from the Father to us... entitlement? A huge lie.... meant to destroy joy and thankfulness..
focusing on the blessings...  like a smile, a beautiful day, even sorrows shared.. knowing Him more each day... living for His glory... # SoliDeoGloria