.... Reality..... August 2, 2010

Today, as I was packing all kinds of stuff that is still at the old house, in the heat, as my youngest was hysterically screaming, lying on the floor... ( for a very long time) as I was looking through pictures and albums ..... it hit me again how this really is so wrong. 

The kids came back from the cottage last night.... they brought our sheets back.. and for a moment I thought am I now washing the sheets of my husband and his girlfriend when it dawned on me that thankfully they were still there and so their bed had not been stripped.... they are my sheets...I hope they will have the courtesy of not giving them back to me dirty...
As I was sorting the laundry the kids brought back there was a woman's PJ pants ( her's)....and a T-shirt of their Dad's... turns out Bekkie was wearing both... that's what she does... she always wears my stuff and her Dad's... or at least she did when he was still at home...
It breaks my heart, and I am realizing again that this is such a twisted, screwed up situation... there are so many reasons why God does not want us to have a divorce... the girlfriend is nice, they all had a great time... I am happy about that... it is what it is... and considering the circumstances God is blessing us... and let me tell you I prayed a lot about this all during this week...but it is all so complicated and everyone on our side is paying the price... big time..
Thankfully God is bigger than that and He loves my kids, He is able to heal all that is done to them by the brokeness and selfishness that surrounds them...
It seems unfair that I would be the one who has to deal with all the emotions of all of them, with most of the work of moving,the one that is left alone, with all the baloney.... makes me think of my favorite song again... by Natalie Grant... "Held"...... "it is unfair, but the promise was that "when" everything fell we would be held"... not "if", not, "oh, you are a Christian, this won't happen to you".... no : WHEN it happens, I am HELD... in the comforting, soft and strong at the same time embrace...in the arms of my Daddy... oh how I love Him..... Bekkie relaxed, we packed some more stuff... the laundry will be done tomorrow...
We had a great dinner and card game, just us girls... God is good, He is holding all of us......