........Lonely.....July 30, 2010

I never signed up for any of this... and as much as I am so much more aware that God in His love for me has allowed me to be basically alone and sad for the majority of my life ( loneliness in a marriage is no picnic either) and I am thankful for the closeness I have been allowed to find with Him... there are times, like right now, ( it is 2:17 am ) where all of this is just so very very sad...

2 of my daughters are up at the cottage with my soon to be Ex husband and his new girlfriend, one is staying over at a friends house... it's me and my fluffy little puppies and thank God for them... at least I have them snuggle up to me..

I have cried, and I just need to be open about this too... I am excited, and I am so blessed to know my Daddy in Heaven, but there is quite the price to be paid to get there ( and I know that the price I am paying is nothing compared to the price that He paid for me to have this relationship)... but really,  life "sucks" when this is going on..( I never used this word before all the garbage happened... sorry) 

I am longing for what I have been longing for all my life... and I am not giving up hope that there will be a real man in my life again, someone to care for and someone who will care for me..

I am no saint and I am not perfect yet...I have feelings and needs...

I am learning to be content in who I am, Miriam, the single woman... I am excited about what is going to happen in my life through the new opportunities.... but sometimes, at night, I am just alone. 

And I don't like it.....

That's when I am telling my Daddy that I really really wish for a man in my life when the time is right and I am asking Him to make it so that this will be soon...

I used to be afraid of the possibility that God, who is all about refining us, would not give me the desire of my heart... in the meantime I have learned that I am indeed God's favorite... that He wants to bestow His favor upon me and I am claiming this favor.

During my marriage there have been times when I resented my husband  that I needed so much of the energy I had to make sure my home was relatively peaceful that I didn't have enough left over to be at work for God... I love serving Him and I am so blessed to know that He has a specific purpose for me..

My longing now is to be allowed to experience the joy to serve Him together with a godly man, on fire for Jesus.....together!!!

I am sad and alone... I am feeling a bit sorry for myself.. I admit that... I know that I am not alone and that tomorrow is a new day with His mercies that are new every morning...

But right now... right now I am not enjoying where I am...

Thank the Lord for little Minnie snoring right next to me... :)