human nature.... what's up with that? the flesh.... sinful nature... why the battle... that's my question.. okay, let's look at the facts:Adam and Eve messed it up... yes, the fall, not a good thing, went all downhill from there...
really? and we are now lost because of that... well thank you very much... just kidding... if I know anything I know I would have done exactly what Eve did... I am curious, rebellious, and, if that man in my life is not taking his leadership role seriously and puts his foot down I will take what he told me ( and let's face it... he didn't tell Eve exactly what God had said... Adam!!!!!!!) question it and do what I want anyway... if tempted enough... and, considering a chocolate bar in my cupboard is something I cannot resist, how would I have been able to resist the serpent... deceiving and scheming, charming and playing into some secret desires... yup, it's for sure, would have caved as well...
so, since then we really had no freedom to choose what's right... no excuse for me today though..
Jesus came to redeem me, buy me back, from the one who had ownership of my soul... not only did He do that when I was saved, He also moved right into my heart... took up permanent residence... and with Him, it is PERMANENT... because He is faithful and will never just give up on me and decide He just doesn't care enough anymore to stick around...
okay, so then... why still the struggle? I understand it is a process... some things are taken care of in an instant, some He gives us time to figure them out.. burns them away as He allows us to be confronted with our own wrong choices and sinfulness... don't like it...
last night was an exciting and at the same time very difficult night for me...
first of all, I was tired... and wired.... I drove the by now very familiar way to Cambridge, got there, and other than the few people I see when I am at the Center I did not know anyone..... came by MYSELF... considering I am single.. it sucks... anyways, on top of it I was now slowly getting a bit nervous.. didn't go there, but rather prayed again.. asked a few close friends to pray and trusted Him...
gave my little testimony, God carrying me through it with ease... He is sooooooo AMAZING.....
felt better after that, some people came up to me and spoke to me ... that was nice.. the evening went on, a Jazz pianist and singer was making music and it was nice... until he started playing one song that in the past had meant so much to me... my Ex husbands and my song.... "Unforgettable".... really????? not quite I guess..
tried to be okay but needed to get out of there then, driving home through the snow ( seriously!!!!!!!!) listening to my favourite love songs by Michael W Smith... praying most of the way and asking the One in my heart to be all I need.....
so, flesh, spirit... struggling... my spirit in communion with the Holy Spirit living in me knows exactly what's happening and that this is the best for me... my "humanness" is hurting and longing for something else... good to know, that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.. and I am sure He knows just how much I love Him... so I guess I do not need to worry.................. :(
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