.... children, a gift from the Lord...

my little girls are coming home tomorrow... I am thinking of them like that, even though they are not that little anymore, but rather some fine young women.. I am so proud of them and just realized once again just how much I love them... I am getting a little frustrated with myself considering that I am so up and down all the time.. the excitement of this new ministry makes me all giddy and happy, my "regular " life makes me all sad and down and hopeless at times .. I hate that one day I am good and fine with being single, enjoy the freedom it brings and then the next day I am so sad about all that happened and all that I lost, that I am not able to get myself out of that place.
so when talking to my girls yesterday even though they shared with me some stuff that happened I had been worried about I was so happy to hear their voices and just enjoyed how grown up and wise they are... how they are quite accomplished already in dealing with relational stuff, considering that they are the innocent victims of all that went down in our family.
I am heartbroken that I was not able to prevent the heartache they have been experiencing all their lives, that I am as much responsible for the hurt and pain they are living with. at the same time I am seeing that God has been at work in them as much as He has been in me in turning the bad into something good for them... they are such a joy for me and I cannot wait to pick them up from the airport tomorrow... He has given me  3 wonderful gifts that I didn't deserve, I am forever grateful for that, I am cherishing the time I have with them, the times when I can observe how they are growing up , marvel at what they are thinking and caring about, the wonderful ways they have been trying to cheer me up over the last 14 months and what a blessing they are to everyone around them...
my prayer is that I will be the best mother to them I can be... never taking them for granted but investing myself in our relationship.
God is good to me, I shall be focusing on that as I am lonely this evening.... just another day until they will all be back again... what a great and wonderful thing..